Constant problems with clients requesting 'extras'

And I know what you mean, V, as I was quite an advanced age before I felt able to go for a massage. It used to be largely the case that legit massage workers - other than, I suppose, sports therapists - were women and didn't want to massage men, while the so-called massage parlours were not the sort of place most men would want to be seen coming out of.

I thought times had changed, but I'm starting to wonder now if we are beginning to turn full circle. But I can reassure anyone thinking of becoming a client of mine - male or female - that I will give you a very good massage, with no funny business!

I've said this before on other threads, but someone who wants sex is not a "pervert"! They might be misguided in thinking that a legitimate massage therapist (such as myself) is offering sex, and you might think they are sad or pathetic (though you can't really tell that unless you know their circumstances), but they are not perverts. Unless, of course, you got round to discussing their particular preferences and know better!

I must admit, I find it quite shocking that people such as yourself are clearly defending these pests. Clients who book a professional massage therapist (and let's be honest here, it isn't hard to differentiate between a professional massage therapist and a sex worker)with other intentions in mind are completely unacceptable, and sorry if I'm being "un PC" here but they ARE perverts. These men are making women, and particularly the younger newly qualified therapists feel very uneasy.

Massage should be an enjoyable experience for both the therapist and the receiver, but with the horrible feeling of 'will I be propositioned' it ruins the experience completely, nobody should be made to feel that way at work, and sadly lots of massage therapists are.

Hi

I my dictionary PERVERT comes from the French (from the Latin) word pervertere meaning "to turn". It then defines the word to mean: to lead wrong; to turn from truth or right; to misapply. As a noun: a person turned from right to wrong.

So looking at this definition, the term PERVERT as used by Ectomorph is correct.

RP

99% of men looking for extras are hopeful that the what they think might be include is included, they mainly have a confused understanding of what 'massage' means, and considering those other type of businesses often call themselves massage parlours, you can understand how they got confused. Females seem to equate massage with spas/relaxation/pampering rather than massage parlours.

It has also been mentioned on here of a client looking for extras confessed his was trying a real massage therapist and asking for extras because the ones that overtly offer extras were so much more expensive!
There also seem to be some predator types that target mainly new therapists with the whole story about how 'my last massage therapists did it' etc.

It's not just female massage therapists that get these requests, male massage therapists also get them, BUT the overt requester of sexual extras is 99% male, females usually are much more covert about it, and may take multiple appointments before making requests. Note, these are all generalisations, and obviously there are some females out there overtly looking for extras, but gee they are rare. Most of the female client stories have been along the lines of 'I've been seeing this client for ages, and now she has suddenly started exposing herself/sent me inappropriate text messages/called and asked me to come over at 3am/etc', I can't recall a single female client story of 'the first time I saw this client she grabbed my hand and tried to .....'. We've got a million posts along the lines of 'the first time I saw this client, he exposed himself/asked for extras/ tried to grab me/etc'.

I think male massage therapists get asked for extras by male clients more than females.

Not all requests for extras are SEXUAL, there are a lot of people looking for more than a massage for ego stroking, the talkative ones that tell you how great they are that want you to go 'wow', the ones that want to control the session because their life is out of control elsewhere, the ones that want to control the session because they just need to be in control all the time, and the ones looking for just a bit of human touch, totally non-sexual, they just need some time out and relaxation. Being either confused about what is included in a massage or looking for more than just having muscles worked on does not make someone a pervert, if anything it makes them a human.

As far as I am concerned if someone phones up and asks about extras, great, I can tell them I'm the wrong therapist for them. It just gets a bit more difficult if they make it as far as the massage couch, particularly if you work alone, so the easiest option is don't let them make the appointment. The easiest way to prevent that kind of appointment is to not give unknown males a booking same day or the next. If they are looking for sexual extras, they usually want something asap, they rarely plan ahead with 'gee, I think I might want a nudge nudge wink wink rub down Friday week', it's 'I want a nudge nudge wink wink rub down now'. If they call, get in straight away that you can't see them until Friday week (or whenever) and they will always say they don't know their schedule and will get back to you. 99% don't get back to you, you might lose a genuine new client, but you avoid almost all of the requests for extras. Also, I WANT clients that can plan ahead, that can rebook before they leave when they have an appointment, if they can't plan ahead for the first appointment, they're not going to be able to plan ahead for the next appointment. I am quite happy to have possible new clients looking for same day appointments to go to other therapists that will provide them with same day appointments. Regular clients do get same day appointments if they are required (did too much in the garden, etc).

I am in a country where houses of ill repute are legal (local government regulations say a house of ill repute is somewhere where money is exchanged for things of a sexual nature) and even with legal houses of ill repute (the b word is used for house of ill repute in the government regulations, but the last time I used that b word some people got totally outraged about the use of the b word being judgemental etc and the thread must've escalated quite a bit and was deleted) I still get the requests for extras on the phone because there is a portion of the population that thinks massage=touch=sex. WRONG! Just because they have a misunderstanding does not make them a pervert, even in the dictionary sense because they probably never understood what massage was in the first place to turn from right to wrong.

Excellent post, cola! You are quite right on so many counts - including the fact that all the "extras" calls I've had as a male therapist, as I've said here before, have been from men.

Ectomorph, you seem to have misread my post. I wasn't defending people who go to massage therapists and ask for sex. What I WAS saying is that people who go to prostitutes are not, by my definition, perverts. They are just people who want sex and, for whatever reason, are prepared to pay for it. Some of them may be "perverts", but by the same reasoning, so may many husbands and wives who don't pay for sex but engage in the same "perverted" practices with each other.

We all know why massage is often confused with prostitution - and, as far as I'm concerned, the sooner all aspects of commercial sex (as long as they conform to other laws on, for example, underage sex and people trafficking) are abolished, the sooner we can look forward to being able to practise massage without being confused with the sex industry.

There is only one reason why brothels call themselves "massage parlours" and that is because of ridiculously outdated laws that make it difficult for them to trade openly.

This is the nice post and thanks for great discussion