Constant problems with clients requesting 'extras'

Hello ectomorph - welcome to HealthyPages!
Perhaps it would be an idea to place your website in your personal profile where it asks, so that in time (as your restrictions lift) we can have a look for ourselves.
In the meantime, the wording you've given us here wouldnt put me off if I was after extras, in fact the word "service" used in the professional sense AND the sexual sense seem rather purposefully indistinct. That's just my opinion though.
There are many threads on this topic, so perhaps it'd be a good idea to sieve through them and see what advice you can apply to your practice. If nothing else, you'll find some tips from our feistier members on how to deal with clients if they overstep the boundaries! 😀
Gorseflower

Hi GF,

I'm hoping the mention of 'Police' will put clients off the idea completely! the pervy phone calls are one thing, but what's worse is clients that wait until you're half way through a massage and then ask "do you offer hand relief?" A few weeks ago I had a man that said "forgive me for asking, but lots of therapists offer extras".

What I find strange is there are so many off those "other" service providers that I wonder why clients risk upsetting genuine therapists?! surely it's a bit insensitive.

Sure, I am more than happy to provide my website address for others to give their opinion once HP permits me to, it's very formal...nothing suggestive in the slightest.

Thanks.

I don't currently have a website, but those colleagues that do have them do not use expressions such as 'service' or 'sexual' - perhaps it would be best to remove this section completely.

Also, with respect to your 4th paragraph, where you say you were asked to do something part way through the treatment........ are you in someone's home at this point? Alone? If it were me, I would have immediately stopped the session, told him politely that the treatment is over and that he can now dress. It only happened to me once (I've been in the business 32 years, but have never suffered fools or time-wasters!) when I was home visiting - I stopped the treatment after he made a lewd suggestion, told him to dress and charged him full fee.

It also happened when I was working at my home - I had a 'knee jerk reaction' (and nowadays I could get in to all sorts of trouble) - but, at the time, the chap was quite obviously stimulated, and asked if I could help him. I did. By wordlessly applying a very cold wet flannel, which happened to be in my room sink, to the relevant area!! He winced a bit, but said nothing. I said 'you can dress now' and left the room! All my friends at the time told me I had done nothing wrong. From that time I made a point of never seeing male clients without someone being around the house. Nowadays, if male clients do get 'comfy', we both ignore it and get on with the treatment. It happens.

When I first qualified, and I had a few months of interesting experiences under my belt, I started filtering calls and made some of the more suspect ones wait more than 7 days for an appointment. If they were after something I didn't cater for, they invariably didn't take a booking - those that actually wanted a treatment, got the impression that I was incredibly busy so must be worth waiting for!

As Gorseflower says - let some of us who are a bit long in the tooth, have a look at your website to see if we can come up with some suggestions of how you can tweek it! I definitely wouldn't mention threat of the Police.

When they ask and you say no could that be enough? Do they get nasty or just accept it? You might be losing repeat good clients once the boundaries are established or is the act of asking the end for you; an unhappy ending?:rolleyes:

Hi Ecto

Welcome to Hp 🙂

I agree with JTH, don't mention the police on your website. It may put off legitimate clients as it can suggest you are having problems.

A zero tolerence policy you need to develop. Take no s*** off this type of client.

As for presenting yourself as professional, sorry but unfortunately some men get off on that, so it is no psychological barrier.

As an additional suggestion to the other posts, why not write a disclaimer into a consultation form about sexual behaviour will not be tolerated, or words to that effect. Colleges are generally crap at teaching their students how to deal with nuisance clients. But don't give up, just put it down to experience, and re-set your professional boundaries.

Best wishes

RP

As an additional suggestion to the other posts, why not write a disclaimer into a consultation form about sexual behaviour will not be tolerated, or words to that effect. Colleges are generally crap at teaching their students how to deal with nuisance clients. But don't give up, just put it down to experience, re-set your profession boundaries.

Best wishes

RP

This is a really good idea actually, I should have thought of something like this sooner!

RP, can I be cheeky and ask how your advice on how I should go about wording this type of thing?

@ Jabba the hut, I am a mobile therapist working in homes, most of my clients are female, but approximately 3-4 clients p/w are male.

When they ask and you say no could that be enough? Do they get nasty or just accept it? You might be losing repeat good clients once the boundaries are established or is the act of asking the end for you; an unhappy ending?:rolleyes:

Hi coolhandluke,

With the clients that ask over the phone I usually just put the phone down when they ask.

The act of asking is enough for me to not want them as a client, yes.

I have full sympathy for the OP. Not because she is receiving these requests, but rather because she is finding the requests upsetting.

What I mean to say is these men are not sexual deviants or perverts or any other negative name that could be applied. They are just normal men who realise that the pleasure they receive from massage (and come on, let's not try to say that massage isn't pleasurable! Unless it's painful sports or deep tissue work.) would be amplified to the nth degree if a sexual element was incorporated.

Men are much more inclined to give in to their sexual urges than women are. So some of them think nothing of requesting 'extras' from their therapists.

In my experience these men are usually perfectly polite and well-behaved. And they always accept my negative response with good grace.

I don't let these requests upset me because basically the requests are being made without malice or intent to cause harm.

I think however I have developed a strategy that pre-empts a lot of these enquiries: I do my consultation via email in the first instance. So, when a potential client receives my health questionnaire he usually realises at that point that I am a bona-fide massage therapist. I know this strategy must work because there is a definite percentage of my enquiries that do not reply to my health questionnaire (and therefore, do not get an appointment). So that's maybe something the OP could think about incorporating?

But my overall advice would be to change how you view these requests. Rather than set yourself up as a victim (and I mean that in the kindest way possible), allow yourself to feel a certain amount of condescension for these men and their inappropriate questions.

As long as your physical well-being is not under threat then the only casualty should be them, with their embarrassed faces and rapidly diminishing erections when you firmly, but calmly tell them no.

I apologise if this offends anyone, and I realise that my opinion will not be shared by many people. But surely it makes sense to say that something can only upset us if we let it?

Hello,
I think there is still a grey area based around massage and thats why we get asked for extras etc. I have had so many phone calls for Tantric massage its unreal..
I made a big mistake by advertising on the local gum tree.....and my goodness did i get all sorts of responses.

Ive even had texts asking if i can massage them with out there clothes on.

It is not a nice part of the massage job but i did not let it ruin what i am very passionate about.

Rachelx

Hi Ectomorph
Sorry you're having problems. Think we all get the odd dodgy phone call (there's a thread today on how to deal with those) but it's pretty unusual to have someone actually on the table ask for extras.

Agree mentioning the police on your website would probably hurt your remaining business. Would be good to see your site in due course but also where/how are you promoting yourself? Could that be attracting the wrong type of client? For example Gumtree seems to attract more perves these days.

Hope we can help you sort this out & you can start to enjoy your new career.

Hi Ectomorph/everyone
Is this possibly a search engine problem ?
If someone uses "the search terms" mobile, massage, sexual services .......google may throw up your ad/web site because your site includes those words?

Those suguesting a "pre treatment health questionaire" in which you ask the right questions and get confirmation that no sexual requests be made are def going to help you.

At the moment you will find these requests particularly horrid and awkward to deal with but in time you will find a professional way to deal with this:)

Hi Ectomorph

My website currently says the following- Please note I provide a professional service only, please do NOT ASK for extras or sexual sevices, but obviously this is not enough!

This is the problem, anyone searching for sexual massage service will find your website, when they read your site, they will probably ring you just to wind you up, as others have said please remove all references to sex from your website, then focus on what you want, not what you don't want, as you will manifest the things you are focusing on.

I've mentioned this very topic on here before and I honestly think I am just going to offer my massage service to ladies.;)

I'm a mature female but I just can't be doing with it to be honest! I would hate to be put in that position. Someone earlier said it had happened to them and they stopped the massage and charged them full price. If you got the money I think you were very lucky, because like in any line of business, if some people don't want to pay you can't force them!

Thanks for the replies everyone. I have decided that I will not be treating male clients anymore, problem solved.

With regards to the search engine theory, I was getting just as many many requests prior to adding 'I do not offer any kind of sexual service', that was a last resort out of desperation really. I have also never advertised on Gumtree, vivastreet, or any website other than professional health/CM sites.