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Posts: 1165
Topic starter
Noble Member
Joined: 13 years ago


(Actual writings from hospital charts)

1. The patient refused autopsy.

2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was
very hot in bed last night.

5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it

7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be

8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but

11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12. She is numb from her toes down.

13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

14. The skin was moist and dry.

15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until
she got a divorce.

19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical

20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

2 Replies
Posts: 1924
Noble Member
Joined: 14 years ago

ROFL!!! Actually some of them I can imagine make a little more sense in context. And the one about suicides isn't as daft as it seems....the word 'attempts' makes it much more sensible.

I have spent a lot of time delving in hospital notes - not seen anything as good os these tho. But to be honest when reading them professionally you will read what was meant rather than what is said... so the one about white blood cells I would automatically add the word 'count' and realise the patient would seem to have a left a piece of paper behind. I probably wouldn't notice the missing word or the absurdity.

But I can imagine these are all VERY real!!

Posts: 510
Honorable Member
Joined: 15 years ago

I like this one best:

9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.