RE: Your path.........
You know where I am if you want me hun;)[sm=hug.gif]
RE: Your path.........
hi crystallove:)
i understand the way you're feeling completely.. i've been having the same kind of problems with my partner.. we've been together for 8 years and although we love each other there's been alot of friction over the last year or so.. it's left me feeling terribly confused because he's the one thing in my life that's NOT supposed to go wrong.. we were in love with each other as kids.. he was 14 and i was 12 when we first met although we were never a couple until 8 years ago.. we had a period where we both left our home town and went off to discover the world but we were always there in the back of each others minds.. and even when we haven't been in contact our paths have crossed numerous times over the years.. i know i love him more than anything but i can't help feeling that we're drifting apart a little.. even though it goes against everything i want..
the only advice i can offer you is to be completely open and honest with your feelings.. say what you need to say no matter how much it hurts.. the fact you're in a strong and solid relationship doesn't necessarily mean that you will grow at the same rate.. our realizations and our clarity comes from within and we can only experience these things when it's right for us.. i've learned not to expect anything from my other half and i've also learned not to pressurise him into reaching the level i find myself at now.. he listens to what i have to say and i have learned to listen to him more.. if you focus on your love for the other person and try to 'lift' him when you're talking about these things then the results can bring you much closer together.. if you want it to work you can make it work and if you need space then feel free to take it.. if there's as much love there as you say there is then i'm sure all will be well..
hope this helped.. even if it was just a little..
love and kind thoughts
ali xx
RE: Your path.........
Hello Crystallove
there has been some excellent advice here, but I'll add a penny in.
Change almost always brings problems to resolve with it, since by changing ourselves, we change our world (and vice versa).
I just feel I've allowed my husband in the past to talk to me in a certain way & it became the "norm" (whatever that is, lol). But now I find some of it, sometimes, unacceptable & I don't think I'm dealing with it in the right way (sometimes making matters worse). Not saying anything doesn't work, as it just keeps coming back.
I'm not trying to change my husband (thats down to him when he's ready)
but certain patterns NEED to change.
you are not trying to change him, but you want him to. If you want to see a change in his behaviour, change yours. I guarantee you results this way.
I see patterns that I never knew existed before 3 years ago, but breaking them seems to be the hardest part.
Breaking yours or his? By this very statement, it seems to me the answer is both. One of the challenges in a relationship, and even in life, is managing expectation. Both of ourselves and our partners.
This is where you have a joyous and head-scratchingly exciting challenge to undertake! What are the patterns? Is your manner of dealing with him and approaching this a pattern in itself? If so, then THAT is the way to tackle this - trying new tactics, something different every time - if one avenue doesnt work, try another! The failure rate of modern relationships is often down to expectation. We expect X, when undelivered, rather than looking to ourselves to find a new strategy, we finger-point and walk away......
It is SO important in relationships not to dwell on a partners behaviours, but our own. If our partner is frustrating us in some way, it is because they are showing us something (often something we do not want to see). Double check whether you are judging your partner in any way, shape or form, because that judgement tends not to be about them, but about you.
Otter summed this up beautifully
One thing I learned was this - you can't change or control your partner's growth - but you can change yours, and you can change the energy. As the energy is altered, then your perceptions and reactions alter with it and so do those of the people around you. That's why you lose some friends, gain others... and eventually gain a new strength of purpose and confidence.
Every description we can come up with in our minds is actually about ourselves (this is revealed through a deep working with 'mirrors'). For example, you may think someone who does X is manipulative. We come to this conclusion because we recognise that behaviour, since we are all capable of it, and so we label it X.
If we do not understand the action taken, we tend to view it as 'dark' - since we do not shine the light of our awareness in that aspect of the self. Since we are ALL human, we all have every facet of what it is to be human at our behest.
So, when judging a partner as being insensitive to our change or not understanding, we must ask ourselves - this is my partner, who teaches me (subconsciously 100% of the time) what I do not know, what are they showing me? In most cases, if we view them as being insensitive, then if we are honest with ourselves, we too are being insensitive to them (we expect them to embrace our change, or to understand it, or even to follow suit).
If WE change then one of two things will happen (and this is the case in every aspect of our lives). Either they will change too (and this will rarely be to what we WANT, but it will always be what we NEED) or they will disappear from our lives (since we will have learnt all the lessons we need from that person).
This is irrational, since it goes against normal social conditioning, but with faith, belief in your self, and simply doing it, this will happen.
I use this at all times. I never expect my world to change without me making a change w
RE: Your path.........
Thankyou to everyone for responding & appologies for taking so long to post myself.
Vortex....Hopefull....Prerana....ameliajane....M!....spiritsaver....Moonfeather(otter)....InfiniteBliss....TheMagpie....
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I have been able to take something from each of your posts and for this I'm truely greatful, be it confirmation, clarity, insight actually the list goes on & on:D:D but I will try to put responses together for you, just to let you all know "you really have helped" when I needed it.
I'm feeling a lot better (still not 100%)but I'm getting there.
I've had a lot to think about, there's still much to be done but it can be achieved.
Vortex
Thankyou for your words of encouragment[sm=hug.gif]
Hopefull
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I know what you were getting at hun;) but there's some stuff thats a little too personal to put on the open forum:D
I'll cut this short here as I've already lost a BIG post tonight 🙁
Love, Light & Blessing's
Crystallove XX
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RE: Your path.........
Prerana[sm=1kis.gif]
Trying to find the right words to reply to your post has been very difficult.
I'm good at talking face to face, but trying to express myself in words is a little more trying (thankyou for understanding). Your words inspired me very much. You gave me clarity, depth, meaning and I'm very humbled by the way you express yourself (when I look at my own text):D:D
I felt so much when I read the words that you wrote, & for this I'm truely
greatful.
You said:
i'm guessing here but you may grasp what I'm trying to mean
I did/do...:D:D
You also said:
This may not be the guidance you need
This was exactly the guidance I needed [sm=1kis.gif] THANKYOU.
I would like to take this oportunity to thankyou once again for taking the time to respond to my post.
Love, Light & Blessing's
Crystallove XXXX
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Prerana[sm=angel-smiley-027.gif]