Advice and help needed re:healing please

Hi all,

It's been a very long time since I last posted a message here and even then I only posted a few times but I couldn't think of a better place to ask. I have a question regarding healing and energy please. For quite some time now I have been noticing that when I feel something very intensely that my whole body will shimmer or have like a sparkling sensation. I have also noticed that over the last year or so that I can create this feeling any time I choose whereas before I felt unable to. I can feel sad and do this, kind of like concentrating to start the sensation, then branching out to the entire body/nervous system.

One thing that frightens me is that because I'm being bullied by my older brother, quite severe psychological manipulation and hatred of me (I feel it, I know it), I have a lot of anger and I can't seem to control this somedays (in terms of my thought processes only, I've never and will never physically hurt anyone), although I have read this could so much worse because of the excitotoxic damage caused by MSG (I've been tested and shown to be extremely sensitive/allergic to this - some say allergy is the wrong word but you know what I mean I hope). I'm worried that if I feel those sensations of energy that I mentioned that others could be at risk around me, I have an awful feeling that I could be transmitting my pain out to others instead of anything good even when I try to bless my food or if I am in a great mood for example. I do know that one time I was feeling a lot of anger toward brother and I was in a room below him and at the exact time that I felt this extreme anger I heard two god-awful yells from upstairs that frightened the life out of me, it turns out that he had woken up and seen what he thought was a figure hovering over his bed or looking down at him. Please know that I felt absolutely not in control of my emotions at the time (it's a nightmarish, obsessive feeling for those who are being manipulated and bullied, you know what I mean). It's a disgusting feeling to think I may have been this ghoul or something, it just frightens the hell out of me to think that I could be a living poltergeist or something, it makes me feel sick. I cannot stand a lack of harmony in relationships but I feel I'm responsible for these awful sorts of things.

Please don't get me wrong, I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle with the bullying and the physical pains but I love my Mother and Father so much and I try my best to help them each day (my father is Schizophrenic and has had two nervous breakdowns recently) and when he is really emotional and talking spiritual stuff I try to comfort him with what I know and have learned from visiting sites such as this one. My mother also suffers from stress and has taken early retirement from he job due to it, this family needs help. All I want to do is help the people in the family but my parents are blind to the bullying going on because of the extreme nature of their own problems and I guess because both us "boys" are over 30 so we 'should be able to work things out like adults' I'm so sick of that I can't tell you lol.

I have tried praying lately and oddly when my father was really ill he would come to my bedroom door immediately when I began to pray and try to say 'It's ok, please don't worry about me', he felt when I was sending out positive thoughts for him (I guessed mixed with necessary energy of concern..).

I can't really type exactly what I mean and it's reading a bit unorganized when I look at it, but I'd appreciate any thoughts about energy, manifestation, dealing with food allergies, or bullying, anything that may help..thankyou ever so much,

Matt