RE: Listening to the soul ? Or the ego ?
Hi Ruminumi,
I read your post with great interest, as it bought back a memory for me. I had a best friend several years ago now, but the friendship began to deteriorate, and after a while I knew I had to end it, for both our sakes.
Quite by 'chance' I came across a teaching that said it is quite okay to sometimes recognise that the karma you have with a specific person is too much for you to deal with any more in this lifetime, and that it is perfectly all right to say 'I surrender' to the Universe, and let it go. It is a big step, and not one to be taken lightly, but I did exactly that and have never looked back. I literally felt as if chains had been removed from me. I thought I was admitting defeat, but in fact it turned out to be an emormously positive experience instead.
I know that I still have major issues to sort out with my ex-friend, and they may not be any easier to look at the next time around either, but I just could not take the friendship any further right now.
Hope this helps,
Memphis
RE: Listening to the soul ? Or the ego ?
What is strange is that for weeks before this happened I had been feeling very depressed, and could not figure out why. Since my decision to walk away, I have had such a feeling of freedom and peace, and have been able to meditate again, which had been impossible.
And yet I am very confused , at least in my head ! All the maxims about blood and water and the idea that family is sacred and should be fought for at all costs seem to ring in my ears ............ but deep down inside me I feel just a sense of relief.
The above said it all, as far as I was concerned, Ru. The feeling of freedom and peace came because you 'let go and let God'. You realised that although harmony is preferrable, it is not always achievable and so you have moved on.
Blood and water and sacred... all these are human concepts. The higher truth is that you have worked as far as you can on this contract - for now! 😉 You may come to understand her and achieve that harmony later in life, as many siblings do. Or you may look back and be able to thank her for the dis-harmony and the growth it pushed you toward. For instance, has her clash with you provided the impetus for you to realise that you need peace and harmony more than conflict? Would you have reached this point without her, or been able to recognise it as such a turning point?
Lots of things to consider... We can never know the full extent of our soul contracts until we return home...
Blessings
Lorraine
RE: Listening to the soul ? Or the ego ?
WOW! What a lot of wisdom and good fellows on one thread! I feel privileged to be among you shining ladies. Thank you for all your words. You have all given me much to reflect on - and it's not even my thread!:D
Having said that, I was going to ask Ruminumi if she had read the Work of Byron Katie. Ru, you said:
it is my own thoughts ABOUT those things that cause me distress.
and it reminded me that this is always the case, is it not, whatever problem or challenge is placed in our way.
Actually everything - everything - is just perfect. And all manner of thing shall be well.
Love and blessings to all
Sunanda xxx
RE: Listening to the soul ? Or the ego ?
I second that Sunanda ! It is at times like these that I am newly grateful for having discovered HP in the first place , what a blessing it is.
Thankyou all for your thoughts .......... they are helping me to continue gently turning things over in my mind, with care.
Yes I have read Byron Katie Sunanda, loved it and use her ideas a lot in my life.
Painterlady, well my sister is certainly the most challenging person in my life ! With my other sister and my mother following behind at some distance though.
As for change, well this is something that I have actively sought, and worked on for years , transforming myself from a depressed, overweight, social recluse to the me I am happy to be today ! It is my doing htis that has caused so many of the conflicts with my sister , as she has a strong disagreement with some of my methods - ie. looking to the past to give cluse to certain behaviour patterns. She always interprets any talk of these things as me wanting to 'blame' others , when in fact it is on my part , objective and fascinating to me.
( one example is the fact that my mother had severe postnatal depression for 2 years after my birth and didn't bond with me for months. I have researched the effect on the newborn, and it was so enlightening, I was then able to understand and let go, and move forward. My sister accused me of making life difficult for myself , wallowing in the past and creating my own unhappiness )
I came to see that she was not the type of person, at least yet, to look inside herself, and that this may not be right for her ever. My unease in her presence is due to the fact that she is quite harsh at times, and I always feel that we do not 'connect' , and that our conversations are often forced and stilted, I am certainly not 'myself' as I can be with others. I am sure this is because of the difficult history between us.
We had begun to get on much better, when I thought only of her needs, and I did many things over the months to show my love for her. In return I was snubbed several times, on birthdays, anniversaries etc. meaningful times that mattered a lot.
And after I had taken this for so long, my tolerance ceiling was reached and I just couldn't go on giving and being snubbed any more.
I feel weak because of this - I know that I should be able to love and expect nothing in return, but I need to grow more before I can do that I think !
With love Ru xx
RE: Listening to the soul ? Or the ego ?
Ru, it's often the case that as we change and grow, those around us get more and more uncomfortable with our changes and perceive them as a threat. It certainly sounds like that's where your sister is coming from as I'd say she sees you improving yourself and it reminds her that she is standing still.
It's not always easy to move away from people but until she decides to respond to your 'mirror' and find her own peace, there is little you can do. You are not weak - all you have done is remove the excuse she has to lash out. Now, when you get in touch, you do it on your terms, not hers. Being spiritual doesn't mean being a doormat! 😀
Continue being the best example you can be and maybe, just maybe one day she will say, "Hey, about that self-help stuff you did years back..." and then you can help her to heal!
Blessings
Lorraine