I would so appreciate any thoughts on this .............
after years of a very turbulent relationship with my sister, it seems to have finally reached the point where I feel unable to continue interacting with her.
It is all too longwinded to explain fully, would take a long time ! but basically we are two such different people, with different approaches, and we clash periodically.
We both feel we have tried very hard to get along , ( I feel that she can be very uncaring , but no doubt this an ego assumption, and I try to ignore it ) and it all came to a head recently. I decided that I can not deal with it any more.
What is strange is that for weeks before this happened I had been feeling very depressed, and could not figure out why. Since my decision to walk away, I have had such a feeling of freedom and peace, and have been able to meditate again, which had been impossible.
And yet I am very confused , at least in my head ! All the maxims about blood and water and the idea that family is sacred and should be fought for at all costs seem to ring in my ears ............ but deep down inside me I feel just a sense of relief.
And I do not know if this relief is just cowardice at being away from the difficulties, knowing my life would be calmer and happier without the struggle to harmonise. An I just running away from something that is a valuable part of my life experience ?
I hope this makes some sense, and would be so grateful for any insights from anyone, or similair experiences.
Thankyou,
with love Ru xxx
RE: Listening to the soul ? Or the ego ?
Listen to your heart and your body, Ru. IMHO being born into the same family doesn't mean being bonded for life. If it happens that you have to walk away for a while - and it need not be forever - then do so in peace. Now that I have lost my mum, I feel very distant from my father and brother. There is no animosity but no effort on their part to keep in touch with me. I keep in touch with them more out of a feeling of duty than anything else and sometimes I feel awful that I don't feel more for them. But that's just the way it is. If your relationship with your sister has been bringing you nothing but pain, and you have the opportunity to stop feeling that pain, then go for it! This is just my opinion, you understand, but I don't think you h ave done anything wrong and I don't think you should feel guilty about the relief you feel.
I do hope things work out for you.
Blessings
Sunanda xxx
RE: Listening to the soul ? Or the ego ?
Thankyou so much for your words Sunanda.
I have been continuing to puzzle over this, and I realised that it is not so much my sister or her actions that I find so difficult, it is my own thoughts ABOUT those things that cause me distress.
I have learnt to take responsibility for my feelings over the years , and my sister still tends to blame things outside of herself for anything that makes her upset.
And yet even saying that makes me feel wrong for judging her !
Maybe until I become wise enough to think differently about her actions then it is better all round to keep some space between us.
I have always functioned so much through my emotions, and I am very sensitive, which is a wonderful asset in my work as a therapist but not so hot when it comes to dealing with a family who live through their heads ! So I am rather the 'black sheep ' and am labelled as the one who rocks the boat by messing about with 'feelings' - such a taboo for my lot !
But I am proud of how far I have progressed by using the 'look within and not without' method, and the transformation in my life has even been commented on by my family , which is so ironic !
I just would like to be more sure of when my soul speaks and when my ego does , as I wonder at times, which I am hearing.
With love Ru xx
RE: Listening to the soul ? Or the ego ?
Hmmm ... a thought provoking post, Ru, and an interesting reply from Sunanda.
Let me float this ... if one subscribes to the idea that, before we incarnate, we form "contracts" with others that we will learn the lessons of this lifetime with and through them ... and I see no reason why these other people should not be close relations ... there are various possibilities.
1. We learn to get along with them in this lifetime, resolving differences and existing in harmony, thereby burning off the karmic agreement.
2. We learn that we don't have to do 1. That does not mean that we have to live in the pockets of our relations, but we can "rise above" what differences may be aggravating us, and move on without rancour, so there is no more karma.
3. We learn nothing, we go on letting them get up our noses, and we have to come back and do it all again.[&o]
What do you think?
PS to Sunanda: Not the "Royal We" above - by "we" here I mean all of us, people generally, all human beings ... not only those in this thread. But "we" is shorter! 😀
Laura/Hol.
RE: Listening to the soul ? Or the ego ?
I know that we are often taught to deny the ego and that it is a negative manifestation but I do not believe that is necessarily true. In astrology, ego is defined as the mask that we present to the word to protect our inner being. As with anything, if used exclusively and to the detriment of other factors of our being, it is essentially bad as it is out of balance but if we know when and how to use it, protection can be a growth experience as well. We use our mask when we allow ourselves to interact with others knowing that what is true for them does not have to be true for us but that we can coexist peacefully in the world together. Good questions that you might want to ask yourself when contemplating what part of your being you are working out of, would be is this experience going to change me for the better or am I just wanting to remain as I am. The soul is not afraid to experience a conflict as it knows it is essentially shares its energy with everyone. You and your sister are one and when you walk away from her, you walk away from yourself. But there are times when you need to walk away from yourself but you will always return. Your ego tells you that some part of your being is not ready to integrate this energy at this time. This is more likely to be either mentally or emtionally. You need more knowledge or understanding or you are not ready to give to your sister that part of your spirit that sends out (emotes) energy to another place because you are fearful where the energy that replaces it will come from. At the present you are more than likely just exchanging negative energy with each other and storing it in your body and consciousness. If you learn to allow her negative energy to pass through you and out into the universe so that it can be recycled, you can go to the wellspring of positive energy and restore your own energy. We do it all the time, by coming here for recharging by those who have learnt how to heal and pass energy through their bodies without changing their own energy field. It is my belief that you can choose to do it now or you can do it later in another lifetime. Family members are together to help each other. Is your sister the only person who "rubs you this way" or do others do it also? Your ego can keep you from trying to learn the lessons that you came here to learn because you will be a new person and you do not know who that it. We are all comfortable with the old person that we drug into the world and resist the change. Old jeans are always the best but they look really stupid on an eighty year old man who has no butt.