RE: Spiritually lost hope
Dearest onlysighing,
so many many times in my life I have been in a similair place to the one you are in, in fact so often that it is like a familiar old friend to me.
And when I find myself there, I am always surprised, thinking at first, puzzled ' oh but I thought I was ok now, I thought I had sorted out my issues.... and so on '
and then I remember, that every time I have been in that place, it has been before some breakthrough, some deep change in myself, some awakening, some rebirth or cleansing.
And so when I do remember, I relax into it, and allow it to take me where I need to go.
I read a wonderful description of this recently. It made the analogy with what happens when we jump. In order to make the biggest leap we must shrink down, gathering our strength and pausing, before springing up ...................... so the deep and dark place is not to be feared, and in fact it is only the fear which holds us there for longer than necessary.
One evening I was depressed, through to my bones. I was weary and tired of life and only wanted to sleep. I was supposed to be cooking a meal for the family. Usually I would battle through the cooking, resenting my duties when all I wanted was to go to bed and 'escape.'
This night I managed to approach it differently. I told my husband I was feeling bad. I went to lie down. I said to the depression ' ok , you win, take me where I need to go' I opened my very soul to it. Lying on the bed I felt myself plunge down and down and down, feeling a sense of relief that I was not resisting.
Literally moments later it had gone. It just melted away as fast as it had arrived. I sat up , smiling , and announced to my astonished husband that I was off to cook the dinner.
How often we battle our feelings of lowness, as if they are to be ashamed of, or denied as a matter of course. Why is this ? Because we have been almost programmed by society to think that negative feelings are wrong. That we should all be eternally smiling and serene. And the irony of this is that by denying our 'negative' ( I prefer the term 'opposite' ) emotions, we only prolong them, because 'what we resist, persists. Whe we think ' oh I should not be feeling like this ' then we continue to feel like it !
Emotions are mysterious and are the the most powerful way that we create. They are ALL to be honoured. How we feel is what we are , literally. And because we are not generally taught to accept the yin as well as the yang of our emotions, it is no wonder our lives are so often unbalanced.
How many illnesses there are because of inexpressed emotion.
Everything that we see in nature has an essential opposite, and
our opposite emotions are beautiful too, because they make us complete.
Science has now shown that 'negative' emotions have a depressing effect on the immune system, for example. But it is not the emotion that does the damage, but the way that emotion is expressed or not expressed.
After all, would we really have been created with the ability to express ALL emotions , if only half of them were of any use to us ?
I think not !
Wishing you peace - which is always, always there, underneath it all.
Love Ru xx
RE: Spiritually lost hope
Lovely post, Ruth, and so very true. Gxxxx
RE: Spiritually lost hope
Dear onlysighing,
Golly - the early mystics would say that you are going through a process of 'mortification', where all your certainties on one level are stripped away, preparing the ground for new and wonderful things to grow. It is said to be dreadfully bleak and painful, and I really feel for you. Well done for coming to HP - a good step.
You've had good advice on here and plenty of it so I'll be brief. I'm sure in time you'll come through the other side of your quagmire.
Maybe in the meantime you could think about the Loving Mother aspect of the Divine, to avoid the patriarchal stuff? Imagine the most perfect, compassionate, forgiving Mother, full of unconditional and total love for you, gathering you up in her arms and holding you safe to comfort you. Simply imagine it, Love will do the rest of the work.
(I know the Divine is beyond describing, but I believe that means that it includes, rather than excludes, the best things we can relate to.)
Sending you good energy for courage and healing,
love and light
BV
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