HI, I am not sure where to start so please bear with me!
I am 33, live with my husband and children.
I have been on a spiritual search for as long as I can remember, since being about 4 or 5. I had a christian family so was very involved in a pentecostal church as a teenager and young adult. Due to a number of events in the church concerning the pastor, I left the church and never went back.
I have since read books eg by Jonathon Freke and do not believe in any Jesus based patriarchal religion.
I have been interested in a number of different 'beliefs' over the past 10 years or so eg Native American, goddess, paganism, reiki (I am qualified to level 2 but dn't use it), tarot and other divination methods (again, don't use it) etc
Now I just don't know what I believe! Not only that, I dont know what I want in life either.
I have recently developed a neurological condition that is not life threatening but it is debilitating and painful. It has changed my life dramatically and I get quite down about it sometimes. I have lost alot and can't see my way forward sometimes, I wonder what the point of my life is -not in a suicidal way, I have 2 lovely children to live for!
It just goes round and round in my head, 'what is the point of life' and 'what is my purpose'.
I am restricted now physically and I can't see anyway out of a dark tunnel I am going down. Further and further down, it is getting darker, and I don't know what to do. I have lost all my faith in all sort of healing.
I have tried so many things, there is no cure for the condition and I can't believe this is my life now.
I used to be positive, ambitious, and inspired with dreams but now I am nothing.
I used to believe there was nothing impossible, that the mind could overcome, create and sustain anything we wanted.
I have lost faith in god, the universe and myself.
Please help me.
Thank you for reading.
RE: Spiritually lost hope
onlysighing.
Please do not sigh. I have seen people coming out of abyss, swimming against all the ills in the world and coming out as victorious with an unending faith on one who is sitting at the center of heart.
I have posted the following message in other thread before. This message is give by my beloved Guru. I am doing it again here with the hoipe that the words might give you better feelings, hope and courage.
"You who are weary, downcast and bruised, you who fall, who think perhaps that you are defeated, hear the voice of a friend. He knows your sorrows, he has shared them, he has suffered like you from the ills of the earth; like you he has crossed many deserts under the burden of the day, he has known thirst and hunger, solitude and abandonment, and the cruelest of all wants, the destitution of the heart. Alas! he has known too the hours of doubt, the errors, the faults, the failings, every weakness.
But he tells you: Courage! Hearken to the lesson that the rising sun brings to the earth with its first rays each morning. It is a lesson of hope, a message of solace. You who weep, who suffer and tremble, who dare not expect an end to your ills, an issue to your pangs, behold: there is no night without dawn and the day is about to break when darkness is thickest; there is no mist that the sun does not dispel, no cloud that it does not gild, no tear that it will not dry one day, no storm that is not followed by its shining triumphant bow; there is no snow that it does not melt, nor winter that it does not change into radiant spring.
And for you too, there is no affliction which does not bring its measure of glory, no distress which cannot be transformed into joy, nor defeat into victory, nor downfall into higher ascension, nor solitude into radiating centre of life, nor discord into harmony - sometimes it is a misunderstanding between two minds that compels two hearts to open to mutual communion; lastly, there is no infinite weakness that cannot be changed into strength. And it is even in supreme weakness that almightiness chooses to reveal itself!
Listen, my little child, you who today feel so broken, so fallen perhaps, who have nothing left, nothing to cover your misery and foster your pride: never before have you been so great! How close to the summits is he who awakens in the depths, for the deeper the abyss, the more the heights reveal themselves!
Do you not know this, that the most sublime forces of the vests seek to array themselves in the most opaque veils of Matter? Oh, the sublime nuptials of sovereign love with the obscurest plasticities, of the shadow's yearning with the most royal light!
If ordeal or fault has cast you down, if you have sunk into the nether depths of suffering, do not grieve - for there indeed the divine love and the supreme blessing can reach you! Because you have passed through the crucible of purifying sorrows, the glorious ascents are yours.
You are in the wilderness: then listen to the voices of the silence. The clamour of flattering words and outer applause has gladdened your ears, but the voices of the silence will gladden your soul and awaken within you the echo of the depths, the chant of divine harmonies!
You are walking in the depths of night: then gather the priceless treasures of the night. In bright sunshine, the ways of intelligence are lit, but in the white luminosities of the night lie the hidden paths of perfection, the secret of spiritual riches.
You are being stripped of everything: that is the way towards plenitude. When you have nothing left, everything will be given to you. Because for those who are sincere and true, from the worst always comes the best.
Every grain that is sown in the earth produces a thousand. Every wing-beat of sorrow can be a soaring towards glory.
And when the adversary pursues man relentlessly, everything he does to destroy him only makes him greater.
In truth, in truth, in humiliation lies the cradle of glory!"
-The Mother
RE: Spiritually lost hope
My dear, I feel your sadness and confusion, but know that you are not alone, we are all here for you , and some of us have been there where you are now, let the love and light into your heart again and you will come through this, sending you love, Light and prayers ~ Have Faith in yourself. [sm=hug.gif]
RE: Spiritually lost hope
Hi
A couple of thoughts...
Have you read anything by Caroline Myss? I recommend Anatomy Of The Spirit: [link= http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0553505270/qid=1124096357/sr=8-1/ref=sr_8_xs_ap_i1_xgl/202-3345133-9287020 ]click here[/link]
You may also find this book interesting: http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0743263715/ref=pd_sim_b_dp_5/202-3345133-9287020
With the first book, it does refer heavily to Christian beliefs, but it didn't come across as a Bible bashing kind of book. It made me see the Bible as being a useful tool with loads of clues as to how to lead a more spiritual life, if you're willing to read between the lines, irrespective of whether you believe Jesus exists or give a damn about the Pope. Have a read of AOTS and see what you think.
All the best.
-Darren
Edit: sorry, just realised i was stretching the thread width.
RE: Spiritually lost hope
Only sighing (as soon as I read your login name, I thought 'at least she's not only bleeding!' so it was a surprise to learn at the end of the post that I was indeed on the right track for the origin of your name) I just had a flash BTW that you might have to change that to 'only smiling' or even 'only laughing' because as far as I can see and intuit you have reached the bottom of your dark pit (we all have them - I have explored several of mine) and you are about to discover that at the bottom of the pit is a nice bouncy trampoline! Which means that before too long you are going to be on the up and up and it will be a complete mystery to you how this has come about.
It may be that finding this forum will do it for you (it did it for me) or perhaps one of the books recommended to you here or that you may find as you read other threads (I always recommend The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, The Tao of Pooh by Benjamin Hoff and Survival Handbook for the Urban Warrior by Barefoot Doctor. But there are thousands of good books out there - if you go to the Mind, Body, Spirit section of a good bookshop then I wouldn't mind betting that one will practically leap off the shelf into your hands! I don't know if you're familiar with the expression 'Long dark night of the soul', but it seems to me that's what you're going through. Several people here on HP have commented in the past that there are periods when they seem to get 'stuck' in the 'what's it all about' syndrome. And, you know, from personal experience I would say that sometimes you just have to wait it out. Things will change: little by little, your path will become clearer to you. Someone will suggest you attend a lecture, or you will catch a programme on TV or read a book or talk to a friend, and then it all falls into place again and you have a little 'ah hah' moment and feel ready for the next stage of the journey. Don't fret about finding the right way: sit back and the right way will open before you. YOU are not the DOER. If you can still your mind, it will be done for you.
Of course in the meantime it will help if you eat healthily and sensibly, take appropriate exercise, get out into nature as much as possible and start really seeing what you're looking at. Don't rush. Take your time and drink plenty of water! You are blessed with two lovely children, look at things through their eyes and they will teach you a lot. Make sure there is room for beauty in your life and in your home. Even if you don't meditate, try just sitting with your eyes closed for five minutes from time to time and get a CD of sacred chant - of any description. (I have just learned that listening to sacred chant from any source opens our consciousness in the most painless easy manner.)
I am sorry that you are suffering from a painful condition. I can empathise as I have a lung disease which limits my taking exercise - but it improved enormously and stabilised after a visit to psychic surgeon Stephen Turoff in Chelmsford. Perhaps you should keep your ears open for a practising healer near you? At the least it might help to diminish the pain. Otherwise of course there is a school of thought that suffering is something we sign up for before we take birth and that it plays a part in our spiritual evolution. Here is a good thought to hang on to: 'I am not my body'.
There's a song in one of Shakespeare's plays that just popped into my mind. All I can recall is the line: 'So sigh no more lady, sigh no more.' That's what I'll leave you with. I do hope you will spend more time here on HP and get to know us all a little better. Welcome to the family!
Much love
Sunanda xxx[sm=1kis.gif]