RE: Adult Bullies and why they do it???
something else i'd like to add
one tactic that I think many bullies use is to first isolate their victim and to encourage them to think they are alone or can't report it to anyone. Sometimes the boss doesn't act the way they should, but I agree with whoever said to keep going above. I like to think in this day and age, we have a bit more awareness of the problem of harrassment and more official channels to help with this problem.
RE: Adult Bullies and why they do it???
Hi Cyclo
I am really sorry to hear you are going through this horrid problem, it is similar to what I experienced in that I had 2 people my boss and team leader ganging up on me, I was never physically abused though. The only thing to do is documnet EVERYTHING that has gone on, if you can remember dates of what happened then that is all the better, make sure you are objective about the situation as you write it and the comments and also put down how it made you feel and what effects it is having on you. Go to an employment solicitor and explain everything that has gone on and what you need to do. Then activate your work grievance systme at work and definately go to the doctoir and take some time off, and make sure the sicknote says stress due to workplace bulling.
I feel that when you present all the evidence to your boss and also say that you have been to see a solicitor and that the law is on yur side something will start to happen. When I went to see my Director when I was off I told him that I had been to a solicitor and what he said and that when I came back fully I would be going through grievance he backed me all the way and I eventually won my case, was given my old job back and they had to be moved into non managerial positions.
It is a hard fight and the stress is horrendous but if you are already stressed you need to start gettign angry as this should not be happening to you, they have no right to treat you like this.
Hope this helps and if you need anymore advise or support please PM me!
With love
M!
RE: Adult Bullies and why they do it???
Wow
look at all the replies, sorry I haven't posted before have been really busy! I am shocked that so many people have experianced this and glad that we are here for each other. Having been through it and lived to tell the tale I would love to start telling companies that work place bulling is as common as playground bullying and we need to start tackling it but I am unsure of where to start really.
I think there are many reasons why adult bullies bully, some are childhood bullies that have just not tackled their issues, others were bullied and instinctively do it, the others are the ones with self confidance issues, it is hard to really know which is which but it is hard to go through the situation.
With love
m!
RE: Adult Bullies and why they do it???
At the risk of being repetitive...I think that saying a bully can ONLY function if you remain programmed as a "victim" does not take into account situations in which a bully really does have more power for whatever reason. It can be a situational problem. Telling the to shut up, ignoring them, avoiding them, taunting back, some of these might work, some might not if for whatever reason, they feel they don't have to stop. We can't control other people and bullies aren't an exception. If you tell them to back off and are assertive, a lot of times, yes that will work. But not always because they might not be easily intimidated by someone else's "personal" strength. For whatever reason, they feel they have the upper hand, and may, in fact have it.
Also, sometimes if you have abully with a fan club, they really often don't feel they can back down without losing respect and face, and so will stick no matter what. Again, it can be a situational problem, where the "victim" wasn't really a "personal" choice, but someone who was convenient.
RE: Adult Bullies and why they do it???
I hope I did not come across as combative in either of my posts.