RE: Adult Bullies and why they do it???
Hi Cyclo
Don't feel you're alone - the way I feel at the moment, you tell me where you are and I'll be up there to sort them out!!!!
I'm not in anything like the sort of field you are in but sometimes that can be an advantage - but tell me I'm talking crap if you like!!!!
Right - the first person you need to attack - not just approach - is your boss. It's clear to me that if this person is hiding and not backing you up then he/she is equally as scared as you - or perhaps they can't be bothered. Likely to be the former, so you have to insist on backup - or is it perhaps possible that you go to his/her boss and insist on help - there's nothing like word from the top to get action.
I'm appauled that you are going to a specialist because of stress issues- get the specialist to write you a report to that effect and surely your boss will have to act
I've just read through your last post and I don't think I've even touched what you are going through - please pm me or let me know if I can help out further - I feel so mad that this is happening to you, but perhaps that isn't the most constructive thing to say
With much love
Mab xxx
RE: Adult Bullies and why they do it???
hi vortex,
were you put.[a bully is very opinionated]the full paragraph down..it really made me think..it was a very good answer..now i know why .the adult bully i knew.acts the way he did.sry dont know how to do the quote..kath.
RE: Adult Bullies and why they do it???
This is something I've wondered about for a long time and in the past have been extremely bitter about.
I was bullied at school and my situation was very similar to Talismans. I was also bullied because I was shy and introverted and when my dad died when I was 14, they all felt guilty and suddenly started being nice to me too! I then went on to be bullied at work and in relationships.
It is true that bullies tend to have low self esteem ( this has been proven by psychologists apparently ) and I've come to the conclusion that people that bully do so simply because it gives them an ego boost to belittle another person, it makes them feel powerful and "better than" that person, something their ego desperately craves. Its actually very sad and I now feel nothing but pity for these people. I've known many bullies in my life and they do tend to be unhappy and have a lot of problems. My main priority now is to not let people like that drag me down with them. Aside from working on my assertiveness a bit, I refuse to change myself because there is nothing wrong with me just the way I am, they are the ones that need to change.
Mim x [sm=sandrine.gif]
RE: Adult Bullies and why they do it???
Cyclo, what an appaling sitution! I have to say though I really admire your determination to stay and face it out. My advice would be also to speak to your boss again and if he/she doesn't take it seriously hammer it further up the chain until someone listens. This is a serious matter as your mental health is at stake. I'm sure your doctor will back you up here. You just need to stay strong in the mean time.
Let us know what happens
Mim x
RE: Adult Bullies and why they do it???
I don't think that there is really a standard reason or type of bully. People bully for all sorts of reasons in my experience. Some might have low self-esteem, some might be total narcissts. Also, I don't think that there is much difference between an adult and child bully. both lack respect and both cause damage. Generally, and I might be a bit unfair, but it seems to me that bullies are bullies--no matter the arena or methods used. Playground bullies probably end up being adult bullies.
One thing though that bothers me is the philosophy of "something inside of us attracts/allows" bullies. The reason that this gets me was a rather extreme form of bullying I recieved from a the brother of a friend. He was actually rather sadistic. He was a few years older than me and could sometimes have sudden and random (it seemed to me) acts of violence. I was probably only 8 or so and I was told that the answer was to stand up to him. I did...and let's just say it wasn't a happy ending. All the standing up in the world doesn't do much good if the person is stronger and willing to use that strength. I could stand up to a speeding train too and it wouldn't do much good. Other forms of bullying that i received (parents were funeral directors...THAT went over well in school) where I tried different tactics. Ignoring it, talking back, reporting, avoiding, etc. All of it seemed to make it worse. I think it is often a social problem and that one answer is awareness and support systems. In many situations (not all) especially in places where you more or less have to be...i.e. schools and workplaces, you have key people who ignore the problem and THAT is what I think allows the bullying to continue. I had two teachers who were very pro active in identifying cruel and bullying behavior and while it didn't eliminate it, it really made things much better.
For the person who had someone being hit..it seems to me that there might be a higher power to report that to...not just a boss. I realize that most people who post on here are not from the states and that certain laws and policies might be different...but that is assault and it seems as if there would be someone--perhaps outside the workplace--who you could appeal to.
just my two cents worth :>