RE: Adult Bullies and why they do it???
hi again
we do allow ourselves to be bullied, indirectly.
our brain seems to feel that in that moment in time there will be more pain involved if we fight back, retaliate or stand up for ourselves.
for example, i would never fight back at school because if i got in trouble i would reciever worse when i got home, adults hands hurt a lot more than kids.
i feel that bullying and/or harrasment in the work place is beyond wrong and can be more damaging.
bri
RE: Adult Bullies and why they do it???
i was bullied at school by a girl who always threatened to "beat me up" but never did, i could never understand what i did to her, or why she didnt do it? did she think i thought she was doing me a favour i should be gratituous to her for not? - it was in my first years at senior school. All the way through senior school i was called horrible names by one boy, who used to say things about me because i was always with my horses, and only really had a few friends, didnt hang around with the kids that lived near me, or the "in" crowd etc. Again, i could never understand why someone would say such hurtful, untruthful things about me. this hurt me much more, because my horses were my life, id much rather spend time with them than horrible human beings - but now they dont bother me. i see these people occasionally and i just think how pathetic they are, or once were.
Im not too sure why my manager and his manager are always giving me greif at work either. admitedly 1 or 2 things have happened at work where i had been doing something i shouldn't - wearing my trainers on the shop floor (big deal!) doing college work (big ooops, LOL!) but theyre silly things, you do them, you get caught, you dont do it again! but for some reason they seem to be taking it out on me?
perhaps my boss is worried i'm the strongest character in the shop and i'll grass him up for being a lazy bar steward? (which i dam well will do when i get back!)
I suppose if we do allow it to happen, it will, and we are the only ones who can put a stop to it!
emma.x.
RE: Adult Bullies and why they do it???
Sorry to hear about your past M!. I can't stand bullies and have always been the guy at school who stood up for those being bullied (being tall helped in the role).
I did want to challenge one thing that is always assumed about bullies... that they have low self-esteem. Yes, it seems obvious but I seem to remember coming across something somewhere that said that the average bully actually thinks quite highly of him or herself, which is why they feel the right to bully. Perhaps many bullies are actually psychologically abnormal and have an empathy problem... like a mild psychopath. Or maybe they are narcissists and so are only trying to dominate every social situation etc.
Sometimes I think it is time to teach children humility rather than self-confidence, because so many self-confidence boosting techniques are actually ego-massage. We seem to have forgotten that we are tiny specks in something much greater.
Then again maybe in others self-confidence is the defining issue that makes a bully. Not sure about this one.
Andrew
RE: Adult Bullies and why they do it???
hi everyone..
where do you start with this.. more importantly.. will it ever end?
in my opinion bullies have alot of issues with themselves.. the bullying stems from anger.. insecurities and a general lack of love or meaning in their lives.. child bullies nearly always have parents who can't be bothered with them.. they don't get the attention or affection they need.. they're told to 'go and play outside' so as not to bother anyone.. when the parent is angry the child it the cause of it.. this provokes anger and resentment.. but a child is not willing to challenge his own parents because he's afraid to do so.. it's much easier to pick on the underdog at school.. as much as it's a terrible way to behave.. there is only so much blame you can lay at a childs door.. i'm sure we've all looked back at instances in our lives where we regret treating someone badly.. the difference is we realise it..
which brings me to adult bullies.. they have yet to realise their behaviour.. sure they're aware that they're doing it but they're so caught up in their own control drama to stop.. it's like a repetetive loop that repeats itself over and over.. they intimidate and bully in a desperate attempt to gain control of their lives.. taking energy from someone who is weaker than them in order to make themselves feel stronger.. and in the end they're left with nothing.. you can only intimidate someone for so long before they either retaliate or walk away from the situation.. people have their breaking point.. and once you peel away the layers of anger and negativity you're left with the true core of a bully.. which is somone who is insecure.. lost and extremely troubled..
i myself was 'bullied' by an ex partner of mine.. we were together for 5 years.. i would've left the relationship sooner but i was in a foreign country with no-one to turn to.. it was more of a mental abuse than physical.. although there were times when things got ugly.. i look back now and i don't even recognise myself.. i stayed out of fear.. i stopped defending myself and fighting back because it was much easier to allow him to win.. in the end i left him.. sorry to ramble on but my point is this.. he had the most awful mother imaginable.. she had always controlled him and made him feel insecure.. she had been exactly the same with her husband to the point where she drove him away and he ran off with another woman.. deep down i believe this to be the reason he was so angry towards me.. towards women.. he was angry at his mother for driving his father away and this was the only way he could deal with it.. the only way he could take control..
to anyone that has ever been bullied.. i can truly relate to the way it makes you feel.. but you always come out the other end feeling stronger..
love and kind thoughts
ali xx
RE: Adult Bullies and why they do it???
ORIGINAL: Crystal Moonchild
I am a very patient person & will put up with a lot any how b4 I react.. I don't like hurting people but there does come a time where I say enoughs enough & i will shoot from the hip, Happily it doesn't happen often at all. I do speak truthfully & with sincerity when i do speak & i know my ways are not for everyone & vice versa
This is just as I am myself.....sometimes after shooting from the hip I wonder if more control should have been maintained or if the problem should have been tackled earlier.
Anyway, I have noticed two events after giving it from the lip...either the person concerned suddenly gives some respect and becomes OK to face later or they fade out of my life and ignore me.
Either is fine by me...they can be friends and show humanity or they ignore me and in that case they aren't worth bothering with anyway.