RE: Adult Bullies and why they do it???
I too was bullied as a child, initially because of my size (very small for my age), but also because I was very shy and introverted (no doubt excaberated by the bullies), and rubbish at sport. This continued more or less until my Dad died, shortly before my 16th birthday. Most of the kids at school did not have a clue what had been happening at home (Dad had been ill and unable to work for at least the last 5 years of his life), and of course when they found out they all had an attack of guilt and wanted to be my friend. Needless to say I was having none of it. Things were not so bad after I finished school, although there is one incident that sticks out, when I working for an insurance company, arranging inspections of accident damaged vehicles. It was my job, along with 3 others to coordinate a team of engineers whose job it was to assess the damage and work out how much to offer as settlement. Anyway one day I was trying to find this particular place on the map that I had never heard of, and one of the other gilrs must have been talking to me. I was so engrossed in what I was going I didn't hear her, until she said in a very loud and sarcastic voice that trying to talk to me was talking to a brick wall. I turned round and said to her that in actial fact I was a human being, and I would be grateful that in future she would treat me as such. She left me alone after that, and by the time I left that job we were actually quite good friends.
To go back to the original question though, yes I think adults turn into bullies for pretty much the same reason as kids, namely their own insecurity. There is such pressure on us these days to conform to the accepted norm (being loud and brash, going the pub etc) that when people see anyone who does not do these things it threatens them, as it reminds them that they couild have made the same choice to be true to themleves rather than conform but did do this. They then feel that they have to attack what they see as the offending party. It is a sad old world we live in where we are not allowed to be ouselves.
June
RE: Adult Bullies and why they do it???
Bullies hone right in on vulnerability... it's a part of their instinctive survival package....... i was bullied as a child both outside of home and in the home too, so it took me a long time to get out of the i'm easy pray mindset.. and the no body likes me.. because no matter how you KNOW it's not a pertrsonal thing ( well as an adult any how) You don't really believe it till you yourself can change your mind set from Victim to survivour. I'm in no doubt it made me stronger on one part. It did however also re enforce the What if factor in me the What if they disagree & all gang up on me bit , so i guess that's where the strenght comes in in that I face that fear & insecurity, take a deep breath & just do it.
I am a very patient person & will put up with a lot any how b4 I react.. I don't like hurting people but there does come a time where I say enoughs enough & i will shoot from the hip, Happily it doesn't happen often at all. I do speak truthfully & with sincerity when i do speak & i know my ways are not for everyone & vice versa Actually thats just how I got my bully off my back at work.. she had upset a patient & i told her in no uncertain terms she was ouit of order.
She had also indirectly accused me of steeling someones purse & i told her then too ..to back off.
Any way ive waffled on ..... It takes strenght & courage to stand up to a bully but the liberation afterwards is something not to be missed
Walk gently in love light & peace Maria xxx
RE: Adult Bullies and why they do it???
due to my mum&dad working most of my childhood ( had to unfortunatley)& me being left in the hand of sitters..(neighbour ). re after schooltime..
I always felt as though I was treated differently by the neighbour in question... my mum paid for cooked dinners and such for my tea.... but not what I got or if any... picked on by her children... but sometimes difficult cos I knew my mum had to work .. but didn't want to cause trouble and the fact ..would she believe me?.... I only felt I could tell her when my own children went to school...
bless her.. she was so hurt and upset.. but at the time..
it is difficult for me to say anything...
my own children would never tell me about school trips..or such.. (cos money was short).. so they would hde the letters or stuff so I wouldn't discover them... you don't want to mollycoddle yr kids ..or wrap them in cottonwool.. but so difficult , - for it is a natural instinct for a mother to protect her young... [:@]( dads too of course)..:)
my brood are over 19+ and I seem want to protect them...
RE: Adult Bullies and why they do it???
sadly, adult bullies tend to find that their behavior is enforced by positive results or others fearful agreement of their behaviour.
it is very hard to stand up in the work place and complain about bullies.
community bullies are even harder to deal with.
i was teribbly bullied at school, but i met with many of these bullies a few years after leaving school, twice the size i used to be, boy did i get even with every single one of them.
i know it wasnt the best way to deal with it, but boy did i feel fantastic, so much weight off my shoulders.
much older and wiser now, wouldnt dream of getting that pyhsical again.
safe xx
RE: Adult Bullies and why they do it???
This thread hit a cord with me and I just felt I had to write something about my own experiences.
I was bullied a little at school but nothing that really affected me too much (I don't think :eek:)
But I left a job in July where I was at for nearly 10 years (I was 18 when I joined) and through hard work I worked my way up to be quite a respected manager.... Until a pig headed man became my top boss....
He hated the fact that a young girl knew how to do this difficult job, she did it well and he didn't know how to do it.... so he bullied me.... quite badly sometimes and I even had a picture of my boyfriend (now husband) on my desk who wears glasses... my boss said he looked like a paedophile.... this hurt me alot, he looks like any other man but my boss wanted to hurt me......... things went on and on until one day my husband met my boss at a friends wedding and put him right....... faced him and although it was still hard to work with this man I did feel I then had the upper hand........ when I decided to leave the job I ignored this man and didn't even say goodbye to him and it was the best feeling in the world.... I now feel I do have the upper hand, I don't work there anymore 😀
Sorry if I've babbled on....
Angeleyes