We are all aware of child bullies and what the consequences to childrens health and self confidance are when they are being bullied at school. Well haveing been on the end of adult bullying and the open way I have discussed it here I know that there are a lot of people out there who has suffered and are still suffering this from various people in their lives, be it at work, at home or with friends. I would like this to become a support group as well as a discussion.
The reason for this post is to get opinions as to why we think this happens, why they feel that they have the power over us to intimidate and belittle us, is it because we let them?, is it because they see us as a threat and want to get rid of us?, is it that they see something in us they don't have and are jealous? and also why is it that people feel that the have a right to try and bully you again when they find out what you have been through?
Through my recovery of my bullying I went through all this and went to councellers (which didn't help), but to be honest I never really knew why I was bullied. Only that I had to change the person I was, there must have been something there that I allowed them to do it!
We come across people in this world who think that they have a superior attitude over other people, to check up on them, to see what they are doing, or to order people around and cause pain and anguish. It really does make me sick and mad when I hear of people going through what I did and I try and help these people where I can, give them the confidance to break the mould and fight back.
We hate it when children are bullied in the playground and we fight tooth and nail to stop it, yet we let it happen to us as adults, it is embarrising to say to people you are being bullied as it is a stigma, yet we have to protect who we are and what we are and our spirituality. Picking the pieces up was metally tough and self confidance is a hard thing to re-build but I am pleased to have had to go through it as it has made me into a very different yet better person.
Any views etc please share!
RE: Adult Bullies and why they do it???
Hi child or adult & I can only speak from my perspectives - but I dont think , I hope -
I would never feel comfortable watching or listening to someone being bullied. ..
The underlying emotions would be so obvious & as equal adult thus I would attempt
to intervene & mediate. Bullying i.m.h.o. always appears to manifest itself from insecurities & fears
also when the person is emotionally out of balance, lacking in compassion for another & control
of themselves. Being only interested in insular perspectives. Not nice at all.
One of my clients said she went to a Yoga class recently & was targeted & bullied by the teacher !!
She said she had to take a deep breath, get rid of all childhood memories & sort it out
asking the teacher what her problem was & it was going to stop - she wouldnt be bullied !
Bizarre extremities all within human nature usually by not being respected & loved enough.
RE: Adult Bullies and why they do it???
Sadly its for the very same reasons that children do it... lack of self worth. Low self esteem.. believing that this is the only way to get results due to learned behavioiurs as a child. Also added to that .there is so much compitition out there & children are made to feel failure is wrong , they must win , this carries on over to adulthood.
I have been victim to Adult bullies in the work place & they made my life very difficult It brought out an insecure, little girl But that little girl was also very strong & brave & together we beat the bully. I wouldn't wish it on any one... the silly thing is that I was 41 at the time, and made to feel 14.
But i stuck it out believing what goes around I waited & my persecuter hung herself I let people se for themselves just who i am & what i'm like. Patience is a virtue. Give them enough rope & thewy'll hang themselves in a lot of cases but it's not an easy process to go through
Walk gently in love light & Peace
Maria xxx
RE: Adult Bullies and why they do it???
I so agree with what has been written here so far.
My sister was the target of bullies at school, she was and is a deep thinker and lived very much inside her own head. The other kids saw she was different and made a beeline for her. I was a tomboy and could hold my own as a child but Val needed support. I hope I gave it to her, I did try.
I often wonder what it is about human nature which makes us so cruel. Why do we do this to each other? Why do we have to group together to make fun of and hurt those whom we do not understand???
Later on, wehn I was a young adult, I was bullied at work. So I had a taste of that bitter medicine. It took me a long time to stand up and be counted, and I remember it as a very painful time. It led me to believe I was less than I really was.
All I can add is that it did make me stronger, and those bullies did eventually hang themselves., but many sleepless nights were caused before I realised this.
Luckily my daughter managed to escape this trauma, other than one incident with a very damaged child in our road. The girl had a father who was more than a nightmare, and when drunk woudl be unspeakable, so, I tried to teach Gemma to allow for this. It didn't make it any easier for her, but, she was lucky to escape with just this small problem.
In this case, it was the bully I felt the most sad for.
Love Gxxxxxxxx
RE: Adult Bullies and why they do it???
Hi Guys thansk for the replies.
I was bullied as a child, but not overly as I tended to stick up for myelf and I also just tended to ignore them, although the last two years of school were lonely but I think I done that myself!
When I was bullied at work, I was 29 and had just come out of a bad relatioship and also moving house and worting out my head about my dad's illness. I was harrassed and victimised as according to them I did not do my job right and was critised for every little bit that was wrong. The reason as I see it, after looking back on it last night, is that they saw me as a threat to their position and went to the manager with milicious gossip which she belived (even though I worked for her before). The one that done it most had a difficult childhood and she thought that the world owed her, so she has no compasion about doing anything to get what she wanted.
I decided that NO-ONE had a right to treat a person like that and brought them both to greivance. They did hang themselves tho, they done that after I left as they couldn't do the job I done (it took 3 people to do the job I done lol), and the company moved them so they would not manage people again within AW.
Working through something like this does make you a bigger and better person, there was a lot that had to change and even though I still have traits of the old me, the new one is much stonger. Do I forgive them - well you have to for your own sake, I will never forget, tho it may well fade slightly, but forgiveness allows me to move on. As I have said before best thing that happened to me as it made me grow and get stronger!