i have been with an amazing man for nearly a year now, and i am for the most part very happy.
i have always been a very jealous person in relationships. mostly i have had good reason to be but this time i don't.
i was ok in the beginning, i used to be so happy about the fact that i knew i could trust my boyfriend, and i never got jealous, but as time has gone on it has crept in and is starting to get ugly.
i do get jealous of his female friends, but not so much, as i do trust him and i know he won't go off with someone else. i trust him when he goes out with his friends, and when he works away overnight...
it's the irrational stuff that gets me... and it upsets me more because i don't understand it and cannot control it. hot women on tv is the worst... music videos, sex scenes, magazines, even newspapers (the sun etc) and don't get me started on porn... i just can't cope... i get so angry, and make silly comments.. he can't say anything right or even win... it is causing problems between us i have started a good few arguments now and i hate how i can be... he just cannot win or say the right thing when i am like this and i have ended up screaming at him more than once because i just cannot seem to control my jealous feelings. i hate that almost everywhere i look there are half naked women lol.
it has got to the point now that when we are choosing a video to watch i've started looking at that bit on the back to check out the sexual content of it and i won't get it if there is any sex/nudity at all and i will make excuses like oh i've heard it's rubbish etc! 😮
i can't tell you how embarrassed i am to admit all this stuff, i don't want to be like this, i want to be able to sit through a sex scene on tv without cringeing and feeling terrible or wanting to wallop my boyfriend over the head lol. maybe i could even enjoy it a little!!
i am not a prude, i am happy to watch this kind of stuff on my own or with my female friends/male friends it's just with my boyfriend that i just feel miserable.
i have always been the same, and for a few months i was fine. my dad has said that my mother used to be exactly the same and it got to the point that they coudnt even watch tv together. this was before i was even born, i can't ever remember any of this stuff.
how can i fix this? i've tried EFT with a therapist and felt ok for maybe 2 days, and then was back to "normal". any advice would be so much appreciated.
can anyone relate to this? none of my friends are like this or understand, in fact i haven't met anyone else who is like this. i do feel very alone at times, and more than a little bit crazy!.
thanks all, please help!
love chloe xx
White Doves, do not be ashamed! We all have our faults, unlike a lot of people you have taken the brave step of recognising one of yours for what it is and you are trying to work on it, which is reason to be very pleased with yourself!
You are already whole
Hello White Doves,
I’ve been reading through this thread and I don’t think anyone has yet mentioned the unifying and healing basis of all true relationships and that is spirituality.
Now, I don’t know how you think or what you believe, but the whole meaning and purpose of life is actually about spirituality. Let me give you an example: when you are reading a book, what are you actually doing? From a materialistic point of view, what you are doing is staring at ink dots on wood pulp. But from a spiritual point of view, you are reading ideas!
So what is love? One thing I can tell you about it is that you can only ever give it away, you can never grab it or possess it. However, like with a butterfly, if you sit very still, it will alight on you, while if you try to catch it, it will fly away.
Now you talk a lot about your body, your size, your looks etc. Does anyone actually love a material structure made up of bones, muscles, organs and flesh? If that was so, then we would be wholly content and satisfied living in a mortuary with dead bodies!
Looks and size have nothing whatsoever to do with our inherent value and true worth. What we love about others are their SPIRITUAL qualities – their kindness, honesty, trustworthiness, unselfishness, sense of humour, grace, gentleness, etc etc. Now, something that would help you very much, would be to sit down with a notepad and write down all the spiritual qualities that you would like to live with, or be married to. When you’ve done that, have a look at those qualities and then live them in your own life every day and what a change will come over your whole thought and experience!
Mary Baker Eddy, a spirituality author who I quote in my signature wrote: “Look away from the body into Truth and Love, the Principle of all happiness, harmony, and immortality. Hold thought steadfastly to the enduring, the good, and the true, and you will bring these into your experience proportionably to their occupancy of your thoughts.” (Science and Health 261)
Do you realise that the source of your spirituality is infinite and eternal? That means that you are already whole and complete, that you do not need another half to make you whole. You have within you all the womanhood and manhood qualities that make you the beautiful, joyful, complete spiritual idea that you always have been and always will be. When we each grasp our true spiritual identity and realise this, (understanding our eternal relationship with the divine) then all our human relationships will move into harmony and mutual trust and appreciation.
This is enough for today. I have lots more to share, but only if you’d like me to write more. But I hope this has started to make you think above and beyond the limiting darkness. You are not a nightmare, you are a shining ray of light and love – and so is your boyfriend! 🙂
Love and peace,
Judy