I really hate this. Im in a circle of friends and they all drink so they get 'happy' and laugh about anything for a long time. Its really annoying because i do not drink hardly anything because it doesnt do anything for me and dont really like it! This means im not on their level and im not laughing as they are. What to do??? I feel so left out. Can any one help?:(
I really hate this. Im in a circle of friends and they all drink so they get 'happy' and laugh about anything for a long time. Its really annoying because i do not drink hardly anything because it doesnt do anything for me and dont really like it! This means im not on their level and im not laughing as they are. What to do??? I feel so left out. Can any one help?:(
Hi,
I think there are a couple of things;
- Firstly, do you go out with this group through peer pressure?
- Would you still enjoy these actvities if they didn't drink?
- Would they sometimes go on a non-drinking activity with you
I was in a similar situation at work where most of the people in the office were tea total. Great for me when I bought the rounds, but what we did was rotate the activites for what each person liked. It was great because we had the most multi-cultural office I've ever worked in, so I learnt that there's more to going down the pub.
But I do think you need to ask yourself if they will do things you like of not, because if not don't let yourself make up numbers and deny yourself. Now it's a lot easier to find a social group where you have more in common.
Namaste,
Myarka.
Hi Aromajo
Do they drink/get drunk every time you go out? I'd suggets maybe finding some other activities you can all do together that does not involve getting drunk, perhaps even avoid the social gatherings where alcohol is involved (or don't stay out as long) if it makes you feel uncomfortable?
I am an occasional drinker, most of my friends drink much, much more often than me... I tend to avoid going out to places with them when I know they will all be getting drunk and I don't want to, I try to meet up and do other things with them instead which we all enjoy. I'm honest with them, I say things like 'Look I don't want to be a kill-joy, but I really don't fancy a drink tonight, so why don't you go and enjoy yourselves and we can meet up some other time and go catch a movie or something instead?'. Be honest with them, if they are good friends they will understand... I mean if they gave up drinking I bet they wouldn't want to go out and just watch their friends get drunk all the time, would they?
this is hard because they are my partners close friends. I like your idea about rotation though. I just find it boring sitting and talking for a few hours while there drinking away. There was one man who was actually talking intelligently, normal talk! But they just laugh at him for no reason. Im still getting to know them as im in new relationship with this man. So they will have to get to know me!! See how things will go, time can only tell.
I'm a non-drinker, and the type of gatherings I really really enjoy are dinner parties and social evenings in with pizza and a few films.
It sounds like your partner's friends are just being "blokey", i.e. taking the p**s out of people to gain group status themselves, and just generally being drunk and rowdy because it's the done thing. Separate them from their usual haunts, and you may see a different side to them emerge?
I've long given up on going out to please others (I'm only 22 and have given up trying since I was about 19), and hav never felt better. Having said that, it also helps that my significant other is on the same drinking wavelength as I am. Must be hard to have to put up with friends and partners that don't really understand.
All the best, and I hope that helps!
Sarah x
This means im not on their level
You do realise that you, at these times, are above their level, don't you? It's up to you whether you want to lower yourself, or not. I wouldn't if I were you. To a sober person, drunk people are boring, and frankly there are IMHO only two ways to then go: you either have to avoid them, or be with them and be bored. Your choice, A or B. :rolleyes:
I've had this all my life, and it's a pretty clear decision. A close relative frequently got merry, from when I was in my mid-teens. Not being so articulate myself as I was only growing up, I remember I called it "drunk talk". It just wasn't worth sticking around to listen to.
V
My housemates all drink regularly, whereas I prefer not to. Can cause some excitement at times, especially when they are all p**sing it up at 4am and I have to get up early.
thanks everyone for your response, will think upon these things, thanks
Yep I guess this is something most of us have to deal with!
I agree with gorseflower, i also cannot be bothered to go out anywhere just for the sake of pleasing others any more... perhaps with the exception of my mother, because I didn't spend much quality time with her when I was growing up, so trying to make up for that a bit now!
I rarely spend time in the company of people who drink; they act silly and are just not themselves when they are drinking.
I turn down most of the work invites for this same reason; got better things to do than spend my time with silly drunk people!
I find that most people who drink a lot are boring and they think they are the life and soul of the party. if i do go out to a party or night out with my friends yes i can have a few drinks but what most cannot understand is that i can say enough i have had enough.
quite often i can go out to a family occasion where every body is drinking and i am not and have a great time. but sometimes when others get too much drink they can become not very nice people and when asked why they became nasty they say it was the drink but i always reply if you drink that much and say these things then you should not drink to excess. in the village where i live in the north east it is in the culture that real men drink and to excess. at a funeral everybody has to drink again and this tickles me even if the person dead has died through drinking.
so now i only go out when i want to.
"In vino, veritas" - an ancient saying.
Alcohol is certainly not my 'thing' and if people want to drink then that's their choice - I stick to drinks I enjoy, or leave them to it. If you enjoy their company then that's fine - if they won't tolerate your not drinking or you get fed up with them then I'd try and find those who will. Plenty of us don't need alcohol as a social prop.
I don't drink alcohol at all, but I've never had any problems socializing with friends that do. I have no problem laughing with them - i'd be a sorry boy if I couldn't laugh without the help of a drink!
It may also be a male female thing - when we blokes go out, generally the idea is to meet women, women on the other hand seem to be happier just chatting with each other, which is where issues about "not being on their level" come in.
It may also be a male female thing - when we blokes go out, generally the idea is to meet women, women on the other hand seem to be happier just chatting with each other, which is where issues about "not being on their level" come in.
I think that's over generalised. Perhaps it might be true of single men. I've had loads of "lads" nights out without the idea to "meet women" or the focus being booze.
Myarka.
I don't drink alcohol at all, but I've never had any problems socializing with friends that do. I have no problem laughing with them - i'd be a sorry boy if I couldn't laugh without the help of a drink!
It may also be a male female thing - when we blokes go out, generally the idea is to meet women, women on the other hand seem to be happier just chatting with each other, which is where issues about "not being on their level" come in.
And here is where men get it wrong. What woman in their right mind would be interested in talking to someone that has had a few too many - wouldn't even entertain them let alone chat with them!
Hi
Just wondered what you did before you met your partner? did/do have your own circle of friends? x x
I really hate this. Im in a circle of friends and they all drink so they get 'happy' and laugh about anything for a long time. Its really annoying because i do not drink hardly anything because it doesnt do anything for me and dont really like it! This means im not on their level and im not laughing as they are. What to do??? I feel so left out. Can any one help?:(
What can help is strengthening the Yang will-power (also a part of drug addicts treatment) for one to get more determination and less influenced
by the surrounding.
It's just 3 acupuncture points on fingers joints.
Hi
Just wondered what you did before you met your partner? did/do have your own circle of friends? x x
Sorry everyone i havnt been on here for a while. My circle of "friends" where all from my church. Most of them have disowned me since i have left my husband (because of abuse) and now they really dislike me because i have a boyfriend. So i dont really have my own circle of friends. But i am slowly getting more friends at my new church. They are less judgemental!!!
Honey, please don't take it that way. Happiness is something that lie within us and its not something to be seen of others. If you don't drink and feel uneasy that you are not at the level of your friends then its totally wrong. If the friendship is deep then you can smile for their happiness- that's the attachment. I too don't drink but I enjoy with my friends who drink in the same way as they, they too respect my principles and never force me to drink. And one advise or say it as request that please never break your principles for any smaller deeds. Thanks lol. Waiting for your reply.