Dear All,

This is something that I don't hear enough about. A woman has just posted on a quitsmoking site,

She says,

"When something stressful happened, what did I do? Light a cigarette so I could think it over, of course! By the end of the cigarette, I often decided to let whatever it was go - and sometimes that was not a good choice. Smoking taught me to avoid, and avoidance breeds tension."

OMG this so rang true for me. All my attemopts in the past have failed because of the effect that the quit process has had on my personal relationships. I have always thought in the past that I have been too mad to be around people without cigarettes and now I am beginnig to realsie that these people who i would eventually smoke with are probably not the right people for me to be around and these reactions of mine however exaggerated because of the withdrawal process are real and valid and very important information for me.

I am talking here about friends and clients. I have been smoking for 20 years all my adult life. The patterns of behaviour that have ingrained themselves in me are going to be hard to shift.

I beleive that smoking has been the tool through which I have addicitively suppressed my truth my essence.

I have always thought of myself as a reasonable person but now I am seeing that some of the relationships that have been so painful for me over the recent past maybe would not have happened had i had access to my reactions and my voice. I have backed away from confrontations and let things go that I should have acted on immediately. Hindsight is a valuable thing.

It is this reason that is my massive motivation for quitting. I am frightened of having cancer of the tongue and my tongue removed, or lung cancer or COPD. But this has never been enough.

I can see now the effect that smoking away my gut reactions, and intuitions has had on my life. I tolerated intolerable situations that I should have stopped. It has wasted time in my life on harmful situations, allowed me to avoid responsibility for myself in more than just the direct physical damage from the fags.

This is a revelation to me.

I would really appreciate those who have quite sharing their stories about how they choose to behave differently in their smobriety? The challenges they face in changing relationships.

much love light and deep breaths

tandi