Worst qualities in a therapist?

When they're clearly not interested in you as a person, but only in the symptom, they don't let you voice your opinion on the matter, keep interrupting you, or even worse: when they're clearly only after your money!

(But no "naming and shaming" please!)

Masha

Well, my worst qualities as a counsellor and psychotherapist are, in no particular order:

1. a tendency to assume I know what the client means when it might be helpful to check. I'm an INFJ so I'm pretty intuitive at it, actually, but still I get it badly wrong sometimes,

2. a tendency not to pay enough attention to the part of the client who would rather be anywhere else than sat in a room with me (How could that be possible lol)

3. The usual male failing of trying to problem-solve, when that isn't what's helpful or needed. That comes of trying to rescue a client in distress, always a bad thing to do, because it ain't possible, and trivialises the distress.

4. When read Scott Peck talking about how he had real difficulty in taking on a new client, wondering if he would have the strength to work with that client through to the other side of their "issues" I had no idea what he was talking about. I thought, Oh well, he's getting old. Now I do (mind you, I'm getting on, too). And I have great respect for Sheldon Kopp's way of only taking on the clients who really badly want to do the work - not always the case when free counselling is foisted on stressed employees. 40% of the outcome in therapy may be due to the client's readiness to do the work, so it's important that my limited time and energy is used in the most resourceful way.

(Readiness here is not consciously wanting to or not wanting to, but just readiness. Its not a right or wrong thing, its just, I know its hurting but is it the right time for you to do this work. I just thought I'd make that clearish.)

not knowing when the perfect time to interrupt is

letting the client go on and on and on about the story /history/issue, thinking that it is getting it all off their chest

.

Hi all, interesting discussion

I worked less well with counsellors that didn't seem to really knowledge what i was saying, they didn;t seem to appreciate the journey that i had been on and what this current experience meant to me.

I got very fed up being treated like an upset idiot - cue overly caring, sympathetic, drivelly look, 'yes i understand' followed by patronising smile.

I actually found that the female counsellors i've had, have been much more inclined to do this than the male ones - i'm not trying to say this generalisation is true - just my experience.

will put the bits i liked on the other related thread......

I got very fed up being treated like an upset idiot - cue overly caring, sympathetic, drivelly look, 'yes i understand' followed by patronising smile.

I actually found that the female counsellors i've had, have been much more inclined to do this than the male ones - i'm not trying to say this generalisation is true - just my experience.

An interesting observation Sunbeam - I would agree with you about female counsellors.

I guess it may be to do with a combination of factors: the society encouraging us females to be "nurturing", "caring"; in counselling training we are taught "empathy", but are rarely taught practical skills on how to handle your own emotional discomfort - I wonder if a patronising "yes I understand" demeanor may often be a front for a counsellor feeling out of their depths and thus disconnecting from the client to hide their own feeling of inadequacy.

Other attributes I hate in therapists (including myself when I spot it in me!):

• "I'm the expert and have seen it all before" attitude
• Judgment and non-acceptance of client (whilst espousing "unconditional positive regard" of course)
• Having an agenda and pursuing it even when it becomes obvious that it is not what client wants or needs.

Masha

Other attributes I hate in therapists (including myself when I spot it in me!):

• "I'm the expert and have seen it all before" attitude
• Judgment and non-acceptance of client (whilst espousing "unconditional positive regard" of course)
• Having an agenda and pursuing it even when it becomes obvious that it is not what client wants or needs.

Masha

Did I miss those out of my list....me too.

Although you have to watch for the countertransference in points 1 and 2.

I saw a Counsellor who said she was not there to give me advice and guidance but just to listen as 'talking would help me'. I said at the time that I could do that with my friends. Also a friend told me of a counsellor she was sent to by her doctor who spent most of the session telling her that she had a similar problem and what she was doing and had done about it!!!!

turning up late and answering their mobile mid session-velly off putting and a no-no according to a counselling course i studied several years ago!

warmest wishes- calla lily x