I need some e hugs

hi ambermoon

Hi all, I have not posted for ages but I know I can count on you guys for some support. I am beating myself up (as usual). I am qualified in Swedish massage, Aromatherapy Massage, Hydrotherm Massage and IHM (and other stuff which is irrelevant at the moment). I have just done no hands massage - at the weekend. and I loved it. I had a client in today who presented with what sounded like muscle spasm and I thought no hands might be good for her. Did the treatment and she came down saying nothing had changed at all, although she did enjoy the massage. On closer questioning, she told me that she had actually fallen off a ladder shortly before the pains had started so I have suggested she goes to her gp for a check up before booking with our sports/injury therapist.

My problem is that I feel like crap cos I didn't "fix" her. I often feel like that and seem to be only good enough for the relaxing massages - I know my pressure is not light so that's not the issue. Hugs please??? feeling worthless!!:012:

dont feel bad one cant fix what they dont know about she should have given you more imfo in the consultation im now a sports therapist and my consultation and firness asessment lasts about an hour and thirty mins

Hi Ambermoon
I am not a massage therapist so cant comment much on your post but just wanted to say dont beat yourself up too much. You cant "fix" everyone and you gave the person good advice by sending them for a check up. IMO the client should have told you about the accident before you started.
You are most certainly not worthless and not making this client feel better with one appointment does not make you so. Take a minute to think of all the people you have helped .

So a big cyber hug from me:)
Love and Light
Linda

Hi Amber,
only a caring therapist like you would reflect on yourself and criticise that much! Huge e-hug to you 🙂 massage is the appropriate / adequate manipulation of soft tissues no matter which technique you use 😉

Bless you both. hugs gratefully accepted.

XXXX

Hi Amber.

I am a No Hands massage Master Practitioner and have been using it for some years now. I can reassure you that No Hands, nor any other style of massage will always be able to 'fix' everything and I have also had clients who I have had to refer on because I could not help them.

Whilst it is, of course, important to be good at what you do, I think it is also important to be focused on the client here and now and the massage, and not the outcome.

I know that I am very good at what I do; I also know I cannot solve everyone's problem.

Falling off a ladder could cause injuries that a massage will not, in itself, heal. You will no doubt have had some impact on your clients healing process which may be easier and take less time because of your treatment.

Knowing when to refer on is as important as knowing how to massage well.

Come here, ambermoon! (A big hug...)
Now forget about it! It is not your business to fix anybody. Even if you could fix them completely, they will only allow you to fix them as much as they are ready for.

Don't carry this cross. It is not for you to carry. Everyone is on a journey of some sort. It is all perfection in action. However little or much they move forward is entirely interwoven into their personal quest.
You are perceiving your self as responsible for their chosen path. Hence feeling of cr*p. Lighten up deary!

Thanks for that Derek - I was kind of hoping you would post. I saw a post of yours about no hands massage from some time ago. I think my problem is that I don't know that I'm good at what I do and always doubt myself. I agree with all the posts about my client's healing etc not being my responsibility etc etc. However, she did not feel ANY benefit from the treatment at all. I was gutted! I know that I did the right thing in referring her to her gp in the first instance and that she has probably injured herself during the fall. I am also pleased that I opted for the no hands option rather than deep tissue which, I feel, might have made things worse - I do elemis deep tissue - all that elbow work really freaks me out a bit! No hands is so much nicer to do and to receive, I think. Anyway sorry for rambling on and thanks for all your support. I will try to lighten up! Its the self doubt that gets to me really!

Just to chime in what the others have said - you can't fix everyone. It can be disappointing to have a client say they feel the same. Massage is not always an instant fix. Also your client didn't give you the full information about what had happened. When a client tells me they have a particular ache or pain I always ask if they know what might have caused it or what they have been doing lately.

You did the right thing suggesting she sees her gp.

I am sure you have had many positive comments from other clients so think about that - they can't all be lying to you - lol.

Once you start feeling more confident about your treatments things like this won't phase you.

You can't 'fix' everyone, you actually can't 'fix' anyone, ever heard the saying 'the therapist is on the table/couch'? You can often facilitate what the person receiving the treatment is getting, but what they get is all dependant on what they are prepared to accept.

I remember seeing one client with a bad back for a couple of months, quite major improvements in her back/shoulders/neck/flexibility. She eventually told me the treatments weren't helping with her candida and that was the last I saw of her.

I'm always amazed at the people that come in, one shoulder up near their ear, all sort of twisted saying they did something to their neck, you work on them, shoulder comes down and they say 'it still hurts when I do this!' as they manage to get their left ear over their right shoulder.

I agree with what Cola is saying. I tend to agree that we are facilitating what the person receives but how they accept it is another story!

Recently i have seen quite a few clients who want quick fixes, who want their problem solved in one treatment and even when they are feeling lots of benefits from the treatment, it hasn't fully resolved their problem and so they are dissapointed. Yet, others are understanding that it is a process and glad that it has helped provide some level of relief.

It is disheartening when a client turns round and says they haven't felt any different, especially when you as a therapist know how wonderful and beneficial massage is. I also think it can be a knock to the confidence and have found myself reminding myself that everyone accepts the treatment differently.

Am sending you a big hug ambermoon as have been on the receiving end of comments myself and know it can sting. As Essence says, remember all those positive comments you have received and remember how many people appreciate the service you have to offer.

Hello again, Ambermoon 2 and you are welcome.

I do agree with all the comments about how we are only facilitators and the client will take what they are able to take from your massage, and remember Gerry Pyves telling us as much. But, I also know how you feel and have to admit that I am disappointed if the client doesn't feel much better, too! The biggest lesson I had to learn was not to be upset when, after what I thought was a magnificent massage and I asked the client how they felt, they'd say, 'ok', or, 'fine'!! Some people are so out of touch with their bodies that they don't know what they feel and others just can't say how they feel.

Anyway, remember to be guided by your hara, feel grounded in your sole, fall gently, but deeply, and go with the flow.

Don't seek perfection, just love what you do.

And if I ever get to County Durham, I'll drop by for one of your lovely massages and put your mind at rest!

:hug:

Thanks

Bless you all. I knew I could rely on you.