Ever given a massage to someone and felt they're hating it?

I had someone come for reflexology who hated having their feet touched. They really couldn't cope with it all and were kicking out when I tried. Luckily I've done hand reflexology so I did that instead. I assumed they didn't realise reflexology was feet but it turned out they did....strange!

I really can't see anyone coming for a massage who doesn't want to be touched!? I think you need to just go for it and assume that they do.

As far as having someone just 'enduring' the massage, I've never had that, but I did once have a woman who after just a few minutes, really before I'd done much at all, ask me to stop because she didn't like it! It transpired, so I found out when speaking with her husband who was waiting for her, that she had been very unsure of getting a massage in the first place as she didn't like being touched in general!

Actually, I felt more sorry for him!

I find that if I don't worry about things going wrong, they don't!

I find that if I don't worry about things going wrong, they don't!

Very good point.

Believe it or not, it's not our responsibility whether or not they like it. We offer a service, do the best job we can, with as much flexibility and sensitivity as required, and at the end of the day, it's good enough. If it's not good enough for them, that does not in anyway mean you need to change anything. If all your patients hate it, then that's a different matter, but really, if that's a likely scenario you may have chosen the wrong business.

I would also add, they may be more likely to hate it if you do, it's okay to enjoy your work and if contact with your patients makes you uncomfortable then time to seek further advice on that.

ok, I've got 2 points.....

once I gave a new client an Indian head massage, I could tell by her body language that she was relaxed and was confident that she was enjoying it.

at the end I asked if she was OK and was everything alright, she shrugged and said "yeh" then after paying legged it.

I did wonder about it as her body language during the treatment was positive but her body language after wasn't.

my second point,

I do a lot of different styles of massage but don't actually enjoy receiving the massage, its ok for about 5 minutes but then I am bored....don't really get that "wow" factor. Where other people are groaning or whimpering I'm kind of enduring but in a nice way.
But,
I absolutely adore having my face played with and my feet played with. I could have my feet played with for 3 hours and it still wouldn't be long enough.

I know what I like so book accordingly.

I've twice had a massage & hated it. First time the therapist had REALLY rough hands & it felt like a massage from a cheese grater. Second time another therapist had a really distracting wheeze which seemed to get louder through the session. Normally I'm relaxed about giving feedback but in these cases I'm ashamed to say I didn't say anything, just paid my money & never went back.

Have done at least one massage when the client hated it. Was a lawyer, he'd never had a massage before & his girlfriend who was a regular client bought it for his birthday. He couldn't relax, was completely rigid through the session & just hated being touched. We cut it short after 30 minutes.

I once had a lady in for deep tissue massage (not my favourite anyway). I could tell that she didn't like it (she was all tense) but she had paid extra for it. I kept saying to her - I am sensing that you don't like this and I can adapt it if you would like but she said to continue. Later, it turned out that her partner had booked the massage and had asked our receptionist what she normally had. I think the lady thought that the receptionist had just booked her in for the more expensive massage. I gave her another complimentary massag as well as a very apologetic letter but I don't think she ever came back. It was not a pleasant experience.

I also have exerienced clients who are very tense. Find that I am massaging stiff, sticky out hands or feet. I hate that. I often find they are better the second time when they know what to expect.

Wouldn't it be great if you could somehow feel your own massage???

I've had a couple massages I hated, out of many. One was a 90 minute massage and the girl moved so slowly that she didn't even get to my legs in a 90 minute massage - how is that possible? The other person, after I asked them not to do reiki, kept laying their hands on me through the sheet at certain parts of the massage. To me, this is a waste of time and in my mind I am always like "when are we going to get on with the massage?' To me, reiki, means less work for the practitioner and less of a massage for me. I like therapists who move quicker sometimes...

I have had two massages I didn't enjoy. Once was from an absolute eejit of a colleage who completely uninvited decided to give me a "shoulder massage" and proceeded to REALLY HURT me (and I wasted no time in telling him so! Apparently this just meant I was soooo tense...) and another was when I had booked a sports massage and didn't really understand what it involved. That was completely my fault!

Thanks, everyone who responded with anecdotes - much appreciated!

KVDP - I'm at a loss to know how you leapt to the conclusion that contact with 'patients' makes me 'uncomfortable'. Surely nothing I typed gave that impression?? The fact is, I really like massaging people - love it when they start to relax, when I know what I'm doing, etc (I'm still v much a beginner.) What I worried about (a bit less now I've had some experience) was that anyone I was maassaging wouldn't like my touch. Hence my question, which you didn't actually answer.

Thanks again for the stories, folks! ambermoon, it would be great if you could feel your own massage! x

Hi

Just my worst-case scenario here - has anyone ever given a massage to someone, and felt they're just enduring it?

NO reflection on you or your skills - just the luck of the draw, type thing. I still can't get over the fear that I'll start massaging someone, and they won't want me to touch em!

Cheers x

A man came to see me once for a massage by order of his psychotherapist. The man had been raped in childhood, and the psychotherapist ordered a massage so that the man can get de-sensitized to being touched by a woman. I found that out during the massage itself, as it is not exactly a question that you think of directly asking when taking a client´s history etc beforehand. Needless to say, the plan did not work. He was squirming all the way through. He was clearly unhappy with the massage, and I ended the treatment early. I think I finished with a Reiki or something like that, as he was in great distress. I also felt terrible; it felt as if I was kind of raping him - I had to tap on it afterwards and had a good long cry. I would never do that again. Whatever went through that psychotherapist´s mind, to put both this poor man and me through this terrible ordeal?!

I did once in training, we used each others partners to get out clinical hours. We were short of bodies one day, and one of the women phoned her husband and "ordered" him to college to receive a massage. So I think the massage was as close being against his will as you can possibly get.

Slightly different, one a number of occasions we've sold gift vouchers and the person who bought the voucher tuned up for the massage and not the recipient. In all cases it been when a woman has bought the voucher for a man, so I wonder if they're put off because they're going to be massaged by a bloke and not our beauty thetapist :D.

Myarka

The only patients who seem uncomfortable are those who are not sure what to expect, as Myarka says, they may be there for the wrong reason eg. somebody else's behest, or having a misconception about the therapy. Hence good initital communication is very important.

The only time I ever received a massage that left me feeling unhappy was at an airport salon, it was the manager of the salon. She was clearly very busy with other things and her mind was elsewhere, the impression was very much of going through the motions. I have every sympathy for her stress, but you can tell if the practitioner isn't focussed or isn't interested.

Although I have never been specifically told that a client wasn't enjoying the massage, when I worked at a spa, there were several people that never even said a "thank you" after a treatment, so I presumed they didn't enjoy the treatment. What I found a bit strange is that there were a number of people that had booked a head neck and shoulder massage, that told me that they didn't like their head being touched. :confused: So I had to improvise by stretching out a neck & shoulder massage for the allotted time.

A man came to see me once for a massage by order of his psychotherapist. The man had been raped in childhood, and the psychotherapist ordered a massage so that the man can get de-sensitized to being touched by a woman. I found that out during the massage itself, as it is not exactly a question that you think of directly asking when taking a client´s history etc beforehand. Needless to say, the plan did not work. He was squirming all the way through. He was clearly unhappy with the massage, and I ended the treatment early. I think I finished with a Reiki or something like that, as he was in great distress. I also felt terrible; it felt as if I was kind of raping him - I had to tap on it afterwards and had a good long cry. I would never do that again. Whatever went through that psychotherapist´s mind, to put both this poor man and me through this terrible ordeal?!

God that sounds awful. Can only imagine how both of you must have felt! Years ago I worked with a psychotherapist on people recovering from eating disorders & that worked relatively well. I got a good brief & the clients were well prepared for the session when they arrived and although we sometimes had tears it was a positive experience.

Feel so sorry for both of you having to go through such a dreadful experience.
Jx