I have 2 teenage daughters, one 17 next month and one 15, 16 in August.
The one soon to be 17 is not really interested in boyfriends and i dont blame her. She's been through enough to put her off boys right now.
The 15 year old has a boyfriend and been going out with him for over a year and they are well in love with each other. In the early stages of this relationship i found out that they were almost sexually involved (and i know its something you cant avoid). Since then they have been good and we havent had anything happen, especially once we notified his parents (as she is 2 years younger than him).
Anyway, i want my eldest to go on the pill for safety reasons, and she is quite happy to do so. But my problem is the other daughter. If i put her on the pill for the same reasons, is it going to be her excuse now to have sex, and is she too young? At the moment and as far as i know, she hasnt done so yet, but if she is on the pill, im thinking she will assume that it is ok for her to have sex now.
I'm not sure what to do with the 15 year old, she has a lovely figure, and pretty. I'm worried that one day someone will take advantage of her (if you know what i mean) and shes not protected - what do i do??
I would appreciate any advice
Take Care
KiraBIra
xxx
RE: Some Advice please
Hi KiraBIra
Well this is hard one, I think the best thing would be just tp sit down and talk it over with your youngest daughter, get her thoughts on it and what she would like to do. Also if shes not ''too embarrassed'' (by mum ''butting'' in) maybe go to the doctots together to talk it over?
I dont think shes too young, I first went on the pill when i was 14 (though that was due to very heavy periods and doctor hoped it would ease the bleeding)
I know there are always a lot of warnings about going on the pill esp at a young age but it really hasnt done me any harm.
And like you said it would be good to know that if and when your daughter does start sleeping with her boyfriend there is always that 'extra back up' if for some reason they dont use other protection etc.
Hope some of this helps
Fiona
RE: Some Advice please
Hiya Kira!!
Can I just add a couple of things?
I met my now husband when I was 16 and he was 17. We were in love straight away and we knew we wanted to be in a long term relationship, so after a coupe of months, having talked to my mum, I decided to go on the pill. The main reason for me was so that I wouldn't get pregnant, but to be honest we weren't having sex that often, as we were both quite inexperienced. it was just a safety net to cover us when we did actually "do it".
I think a lot of parents worry that the pill is a green card for their daughters to start having sexual relations, but I personally just wanted to be protected just in case. It wasn't until I had been seeing my hub for about 4 months or so did we actually have intercourse on a regular basis, and my parents knew about it...in fact they were happy for us to be in such a physical relationship as long as we were careful and didn't take risks. if you trust your daughter normally, then perhaps you can trust her to protect herself in the way that she prefers....just as long as she is SAFE (pill and/or condoms to prevent STIs).
It is quite sad, but young people are making these choices at earlier ages now. I have no regrets about being sexually active so early as it was a wonderful experience to have..i am lucky that we ended up together for so long (13 years now) so I guess I am in a minority.
I definitely think you should BOTH talk about it, you never know, she might really need your advice or whatever. although it can be embarassing, once its over and you both know where you stand on the issue, it could enhance your relationship together!!
that's my advice anyway!! hope it all goes well!
luv tiger xx
RE: Some Advice please
Hiya Kira
Apart from health issues I have no problem with the pill (although I do not use it myself), however something struck me from your post and i may have got the wrong end so I am just going to be frank so bear with me...
you say you want to put your 17yr old on it for saftey reasons even though she is not into boys and also the same reason for the younger I am assuming you mean in case they are one of the unlucky few that have a non consented encounter....whilst I truely understand these concerns I dont think putting them on the pill will help. Aside from anything the pill will only protect from a pregnancy and nothing else.....also if we are talking about a trauma then the emotional upheaval and immediate trauma may mean physical sickness and diarohea and then it wouldnt have worked either. Personally I am against putting anybody on tablets for the heck of it.
I may have got the wrong end of the stick but if it is for protection from the unwanted then it isnt going to protect much sadly....
hope you dont feel that was to out of turn and Im not in anyway having a go and maybe i have misinterrpted you, i will watch this space closely...
Hugs
T
xx
RE: Some Advice please
I also have to say that I don't fancy the idea of your eldest being on the pill for reasons given. why add more hormones to a body that doesn't need them? Also, God forebid, if it did happen, there is the morning after pill.
I can truely understand your fears about such things and having a chat with your daughters about the dangers is good. Give them practical advise like always stick with your friends when out, cover your glass/bottle when out with their hand/thumb, don't accept a drink from someone they don't know, avoid walking alone at night - always have enough money for a cab, trust their intutition. Also stress to them if anything was to happen, that they tell you straight away and if they can't /don't that they call the police. where rape is concerned, the pill might stop pregnancy but not STDs. however, there are drugs that can be administered within x hours of the incident that will help the body to fight against HIV. this is one of the many reasons that help needs to be sought asap. You can go to a well woman centre that should have all the info on this. Alternatively, an STD clinic would. Would be better to have this info to hand when chatting to your girls so that if any thing happened to them or their friends, they will know automatically what to do.
As for your 15yr old, why not have condoms around the place, in the bathroom perhaps so that she can take them without being embarrassed? Better to get someone used to using condoms early in their sex life as there is no guarentee that he will be her only sexual partner. Also you have to stress the importance of using them every time in terms of all the STDs and pregnancy.
best of luck
Jac
xxx
RE: Some Advice please
Hi KiraBira,
I mainly agree with what has been said above.
I know it is easier said than done, but the best protection against "being taken advantage of" is helping your daughters build a strong self-esteem. They have the right to say "no" and not to feel guilty about it.
Putting your eldest on the pill "juts to be safe in case of unwnated encounters" may give her the message that the world/ all men are dangerous. Morning after pill is there in case of a mishap. But I think that if your eldest is forced against her will to have sex, then I would be more worried about catching a disease... and the pill won't help against that.
As for the youngest, I think that condoms is a good idea. The question is maybe not so much "should she wait before sex" but to make sure that when it happens, she does it in a responsible way. Maybe you could get her a package of condoms just for the purpose of her getting familiar with them. I can imagine that with all the feelings that go arround the "first time" you can do without having to wonder "how do you open that thing???... and what do I do with it now??"...
Artemis