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I would just like to highlight the need for us all to open our minds to welcoming new people in to our lives, especially as we get older.
When I first joined this site in 2006, I was busy working full time and part time, I had what I thought a nice sincere group of friends. I do remember always having thought for others, no matter what I was doing thinking of how I could help someone else in life was at the forefront of my mind, I was also carrying out what is now referred to as ‘random acts of kindness’
Ten years have gone by, two friends have died both relatively young, two others have just gone off doing their own thing without a second thought for me. I am grieving so much, loss though death is horrendous but loss of faith in human nature is adding to this tremendously.
Our son works in mental health and one of his patients mentioned a nationwide organisation saved his life by giving him a purpose. I looked at this and thought great we will join one, there were two in our area but we found they both had waiting lists! I liaised with the National Office, I explained as there were waiting lists there was an obvious need for a new one and I was happy to pursue this. Twelve or so months I spent, researching, reading up anything and everything. Visiting around 10 other branches, to assess good/bad points. We leaflet dropped, sat in the library promoting, found premises, obtained lists of good speakers etc., Then accompanied by two regional folk in 2013 we had our launch. We had around 70 people attend the first meeting. We chatted to many asking them to maybe stay back at the end of the meeting help form our new committee. I offered to become membership secretary and my husband treasurer. Just a few months later, I soon discovered that not everyone has a ‘light hearted, wanting to please everyone attitude’ within a very short time I felt my enthusiasm being stripped. Of course I won’t go in to things but we left the committee, confrontation was not something we expected, it was unnecessary and made me feel quite ill. Now here we are three years ahead, only occasionally do we go along to a meeting, I look at over 170 people chatting, involved in different groups, following hobbies, going on holidays, comradeship. I am so proud, I did this! my tenacity and perseverance changed the life of so many and will continue to do so... in all this time only one member has actually stopped, shook my hand and thanked me, just simple recognition. All these people yet I feel lost and alone.
We look after of a little dog now and again in our street and welcomed his owners in, one day while chatting with the doggies ‘mam’ she started telling me about where she was going, nowhere special just her and some friends off to see a play, she went on to tell me other things she would be doing over the next month, I mentioned how lost I felt with losing my friends and how I would love to do whatever it was she had mentioned at that time, it went over her head, totally over her head. If this was the other way around I would have automatically just said ‘come with us’ I would have told friends later of course assuming they would have been as welcoming and open as myself, if they were not I would arrange something with the person separately.
So where am I going with this you may ask? Please refer back to my first paragraph, welcome new people in to your life, no matter what your age. Think outside the box, don’t assume everyone is ok, even if they have a husband/wife, open your mind to new friendships. It can literally be a life saver.
While a little appreciation and thank you can help the morale in great measure, it is still way more rewarding if service is done in the spirit of giving for the sheer love of it. The simple reason in praise of that spirit is that it frees you of expectation of thanks or praise, for they may come your way or forever remain elusive. People do what they do. There is no certainty or guarentee of a accuring thanks or rewards.
Jenny, It is so good to read that your heart is open and reaching out. It willingly includes anyone in its love. I have noticed that before in your posts. It hurts you when others don't quite do that.
Why don't they? Because most people have little thought about that. They are wrapped up in themselves or they don't interact with others with openness of heart....so many reasons..
When someone has a gripe similar to yours. I remind them to recognise that they are blessed with a gentle open heart....and that is a blessing not showered on everyone! True that.
I am aware that everyone has their battles in life a little kindness may light somebody's heart even if for a moment . Keep doing that with very open heart. You are one of the lucky few who can extend their love and affection to a stranger. Open your heart and thank existence for it. Some virtues are so beautiful, they are their own reward. You have your reward in a giving heart
I agree with much that jnani has said in her post above. Giving is its own reward and people are mostly wrapped up in their own worlds.
Well done for all you have achieved in being a membership secretary; that must have bolstered your self esteem and confidence no end!
I realise that most people have a tendency to suffer from loneliness which is something not that familiar with myself. (I did get affected by this once when I moved away from everyone I knew to be near to college). There is a lot to be said for being as self sufficient as you can be, i.e. happy in your own company....in harmony with what you are doing but then I say this as a contented semi recluse!
Do you have interests you can pursue that might be aligned to evening classes? It can be a good source for making friends.
Did you see this in the news recently?
I wish you well Jeannie and hope that you count your blessings rather than your problesm. Being grateful staves off becoming bitter.