Hi all
Since I was 17 years old (now 31 years old) I have had telephone anxiety, what brought it on was I had a so called friend who got his friends to prank call me as he handed my mobile number to them and they started with who the hell are you, what do you want, why do you keep ringing us, stop calling us otherwise we will track you down and beat you up. When the group of friends stopped calling me separately one called back and said we were just prank calling you and sorry if we hurt your feelings it is just your friend Adam gave us your mobile number.
I tell you something they opened up an anxiety flood gate and is drowning me because I have never been an overly confident person and I hate confrontation as the other person seems to always be able to be little me. Since that day I have been avoiding unknown numbers, numbers that I do not recognise and every time I need to make an important call to the Job Centre, DWP etc. I have to get my mum to do it for me.
Years after that incident I met my ex-friend again who was working in a supermarket and we got chatting as we left our friendship on a high note and out of the blue he said I am really sorry that I gave your mobile number to my friends I think on that day we were all getting drunk, or were already drunk and thought it would be funny to prank call you, but I now see that it was childish and I am sorry if it hurt you in anyway. Of course I hid my feelings and just said dont worry about it, it has had no ill effect on me and thanks for the apology.
Even this apology has had little effect on the healing process and I find myself helpless and hopeless I really would like to overcome the anxiety but do not know where to start especially since I now have a council flat to look after since 2014. When I try to make a telephone call I freeze and just say I cannot do it and then I become a child who says I cant do this who cares if it is important I can just put it off until tomorrow but of course tomorrow becomes a month etc.
Would love to know what kind of techniques I could use to overcome this anxiety please?
I look forward to all of your replies.
All the best,
Oliver
Forget techniques. See a shamanic practitioner and have some healing (probably a soul retrieval) and possibly some shamanic counselling.
One client I saw had a breakdown in 1994. By 1997 she was no better at all, had given up work and basically could not function. She was seeing a therapist weekly. In 1997 I did work for her, including a soul retrieval. Within 2 days she was fully recovered and as needed no therapy / treatment since.
Hi all
Since I was 17 years old (now 31 years old) I have had telephone anxiety, what brought it on was I had a so called friend who got his friends to prank call me as he handed my mobile number to them and they started with who the hell are you, what do you want, why do you keep ringing us, stop calling us otherwise we will track you down and beat you up. When the group of friends stopped calling me separately one called back and said we were just prank calling you and sorry if we hurt your feelings it is just your friend Adam gave us your mobile number.
I tell you something they opened up an anxiety flood gate and is drowning me because I have never been an overly confident person and I hate confrontation as the other person seems to always be able to be little me. Since that day I have been avoiding unknown numbers, numbers that I do not recognise and every time I need to make an important call to the Job Centre, DWP etc. I have to get my mum to do it for me.
Years after that incident I met my ex-friend again who was working in a supermarket and we got chatting as we left our friendship on a high note and out of the blue he said I am really sorry that I gave your mobile number to my friends I think on that day we were all getting drunk, or were already drunk and thought it would be funny to prank call you, but I now see that it was childish and I am sorry if it hurt you in anyway. Of course I hid my feelings and just said dont worry about it, it has had no ill effect on me and thanks for the apology.
Even this apology has had little effect on the healing process and I find myself helpless and hopeless I really would like to overcome the anxiety but do not know where to start especially since I now have a council flat to look after since 2014. When I try to make a telephone call I freeze and just say I cannot do it and then I become a child who says I cant do this who cares if it is important I can just put it off until tomorrow but of course tomorrow becomes a month etc.
Would love to know what kind of techniques I could use to overcome this anxiety please?
I look forward to all of your replies.
All the best,
Oliver
If you have mum to make a call for you, you are lucky!
Don't feel you are anything less. If you can't make phone calls, you can't! 🙂
Some people don't have a vocal cord to speak. In your case, it's fear. Each to their own really.
If you are disabled, have you looked into textphone? Would that help?
I know it's not hearing loss in your case but worth checking out.
https://www.sense.org.uk/content/textphone-software
https://www.actiononhearingloss.org.uk/shop/telecommunication/textphone-calls.aspx
You will be able to make a phone call when you become up to it. No pressure Oliver.
This happened to me. Some people have no idea how their action might impact on someone.
After that incident, I stopped giving my number to people. If they need to contact me, they'll have to write to me...old fashion way. We still have a little choice left....until all is taken away. Since then I've learned to protect myself because you can't be responsible for other people's action. If they have no respect for me, they are booted pronto. You don't need these kind of people.
Hi all
Since I was 17 years old (now 31 years old) I have had telephone anxiety, what brought it on was I had a so called friend who got his friends to prank call me as he handed my mobile number to them and they started with who the hell are you, what do you want, why do you keep ringing us, stop calling us otherwise we will track you down and beat you up. When the group of friends stopped calling me separately one called back and said we were just prank calling you and sorry if we hurt your feelings it is just your friend Adam gave us your mobile number.
I tell you something they opened up an anxiety flood gate and is drowning me because I have never been an overly confident person and I hate confrontation as the other person seems to always be able to be little me. Since that day I have been avoiding unknown numbers, numbers that I do not recognise and every time I need to make an important call to the Job Centre, DWP etc. I have to get my mum to do it for me.
Years after that incident I met my ex-friend again who was working in a supermarket and we got chatting as we left our friendship on a high note and out of the blue he said I am really sorry that I gave your mobile number to my friends I think on that day we were all getting drunk, or were already drunk and thought it would be funny to prank call you, but I now see that it was childish and I am sorry if it hurt you in anyway. Of course I hid my feelings and just said dont worry about it, it has had no ill effect on me and thanks for the apology.
Even this apology has had little effect on the healing process and I find myself helpless and hopeless I really would like to overcome the anxiety but do not know where to start especially since I now have a council flat to look after since 2014. When I try to make a telephone call I freeze and just say I cannot do it and then I become a child who says I cant do this who cares if it is important I can just put it off until tomorrow but of course tomorrow becomes a month etc.
Would love to know what kind of techniques I could use to overcome this anxiety please?
I look forward to all of your replies.
All the best,
Oliver
Oliver,
Have you tried something like EFT? It works wonders for fears and anxieties.
Just search YouTube or the wen and you'll find loads of information about how you can do it for yourself. The technique is really simple. What helps in your situation is that you even know the root cause of the fear, so you can get straight into dealing with it at the root.
Happy to give advice if you have any questions about EFT.
What you are asking, essentially, is how to overcome an ingrained thought/behaviour. This can be done consciously, i.e. with a technique. Whenever the phone rings (after you see it is not an unknown number) then say out loud a phrase that will help e.g. "It's OK, it's not a prank call and I am no longer a child...I can do this". You may have to repeat this several times, i.e. with different phone calls before you feel you are able to pick up the phone. Perhaps even answering the phone with a slightly humourous "hallo" might diffuse the serious intensity. If it helps, i.e. you still think it might be a prank call, then having suitable answers ready to say.
Ultimately it's only words and you need not feel like a victim if you gain some confidence. Perhaps taking self assertion classes may be beneficial.
And just for the record, I avoid withheld numbers, or numbers that I obviously recognise as being from abroad or places I don't know anyone. I figure, if it's important, they can leave a voicemail. Typically though they never do. And as for ones that pester (I've had one recently calling two/three times in quick succession at 7pm every evening - from a New Zealand mobile network) I've got a call blocking app on my mobile, so those numbers just get instantly cut off and the phone doesn't even ring... the app just gives me a record of which one and when they attempted to call.
Of course we do occasionally get calls we don't want (fortunately prank calls are rare), but if you're like me and you recognise it's an unwanted cold caller, you can just put the phone down, you don't even have to bother engaging with them. Only a couple of times did something sound official, for me to then recognise that they were a scammer, and they understand the words "F**K O*F" whichever country they're calling from. May sound harsh, but I've known people who've tried to reason with them and ask to be removed from their list, only for THEM to shout abuse down the phone. They have no manners, they know when they're caught out, don't give them the time of day.
Having an apology is one thing, but by forgiving them you release how the prank calls continue to affect you; you start trusting people and you build your confidence. What they did then doesn't mean that it will happen again. You will overwrite their effects by being determined to take calls whilst managing your anxiety. Keep in mind that you may have some degree of social anxiety anyway and taking a call is a performance anxiety situation
When you make a call to a professional person, they will treat you with respect. If you get any other nonsense sales calls, you can hang up. Have you tried learning and using relaxed breathing techniques? It will ease your petrification and give you more confidence in your voice. Use these techniques when in conversation and then when on the phone.
Having an apology is one thing, but by forgiving them you release how the prank calls continue to affect you; you start trusting people and you build your confidence. What they did then doesn't mean that it will happen again. You will overwrite their effects by being determined to take calls whilst managing your anxiety. Keep in mind that you may have some degree of social anxiety anyway and taking a call is a performance anxiety situation
When you make a call to a professional person, they will treat you with respect. If you get any other nonsense sales calls, you can hang up. Have you tried learning and using relaxed breathing techniques? It will ease your petrification and give you more confidence in your voice. Use these techniques when in conversation and then when on the phone.
Yes I was struck by your first sentence since it reminded me of what I forgot to mention in my post. Clearly, on recently meeting the prankster and getting an apology, the member here played down the situation i.e. not letting on the huge impact that it had on his life. The truth was not revealed! So it remains unfinished business and needs closure/addressing in order to heal from it. Forgiveness may well be the route...
Even this apology has had little effect on the healing process and I find myself helpless and hopeless I really would like to overcome the anxiety but do not know where to start especially since I now have a council flat to look after since 2014. When I try to make a telephone call I freeze and just say I cannot do it and then I become a child who says I cant do this who cares if it is important I can just put it off until tomorrow but of course tomorrow becomes a month etc.
Would love to know what kind of techniques I could use to overcome this anxiety please?
Hi Oliver
The reality here is that you have 0% responsibility for what other people choose to do and say, but you are 100% responsible for the way you choose to react to what other people do and say.
This is why an apology from them has not resolved the issue, it was not what they did which has caused the ongoing problem, you already had a problem, this prank just brought an existing underlying belief that surrounds your lack of self confidence into focus so that you could deal with it, please think back to the first time that you had difficulty with self confidence, to the first time that you said to yourself that you are not good enough to do something, again someone might have told you at that point that you are not good enough, but only you can decide to embrace and action that idea within the fullness of self.
That will be the root cause, once we make a life choice like that, it creates a inner divisional conflict that stays with us until we choose to change the choice we originally made from being not good enough etc, into being good enough etc, go back in your consciousness and make a new choice that you are whatever you need to be to change the way you are now. 🙂