Hi Guys!
just need a bit of redirection I suppose. You may know the situation with myself and my ex. I won't go into details, but we split, and my son stayed with me. Well, I've been working on myself for the past 4 months, and I'd got the stage where I was comfortable with the whole separation thing, we would speak on the phone, swap news etc, and if Idid feel a twinge at all, it was tiny. I had done a lot of work, and a lot of crying to get to that stage, but I was there. Living my life - really living it.
Then three weeks ago, my son started nursery, and Mark came down for the day to see him off, so to speak. Nursery was fine Henry loves it, I had a few tears and I was glad that Mark was there. Anyhow, throughout the day we got talking about the situation, he told me he was no longer angry with me and he was sorry and could we sort this out. So began the slow journey...we have been honest and open with each other, he has stayed whole weekends and things have been great. I did miss him, and I found myself falling back in love with him - the old Mark was back. Then something happened Sunday night which made me react in a way which proved to me that I no longer trust him. I told him this - open and honest - and he has now completely shut me out again. I've asked him if we can talk about it, nothing. Got home this evening and cannot get hold of him at all, not even to speak to his son! I feel like I'm back at the start again and falling to pieces. To be honest, I don't even want to be in this house on my own this weekend. No-one is around to talk to about it, and it's driving me mad. I fell like I need to to rip my skin off - it's horrible. I know I have every right to tell him how I'm feeling - he has no problem telling me! But his complete shut down towards me, I dunno, I know I need to let him get on with it, and that's exactly what he's doing - he told me that this morning when he spoke to Henry. I feel like he's rubbing my nose in it a bit. I was doing fine, then he comes in, messes with my head and goes again. Am I completely stupid or what.
Sorry if this sounds self-pitying, but I feel used. I don't know how to get back where I was, it's like I've forgotten how I got through before.
Angie
RE: I'm not sure I can cope
Hi Angie
I don't know the background to what you have written here but does your man have problems with being in a loving relationship? I was just wondering because it sounds as though he really wants the closeness and warmth of a relationship but then gets anxious about it and withdraws. This is very hard on you because you don't know what he's thinking when he avoids talking to you.
Don't feel used, you made the decision to try again and it shows that you are a lovely person to want to give it another go. You have also shown that you are capable of loving someone so there is lots of love inside you to give to others. Remember too that you weren't to know how it would turn out, but you gave it a try so you must have an optimistic attitude, so hang on to that.
If you are able to talk to him again would he be able to explain to you what he is frightened of? If he can talk about it a bit more I'm sure it would help you both.
Sandra
x
RE: I'm not sure I can cope
Men do not like to give explanations as it is women who are more emmotional and are reliant on expressing feeling andrecieving emmotions to meke us feel better and more confident etc.
Males find this challenging at the best of times. Leave him alone and maybe he will eventually come around. You did the rite thing by following your heart. Do no tlook backon it
Love
Ithar:)
RE: I'm not sure I can cope
Hi Angie,
Couple of thoughts.. what you are experiencing (feeling and thinking) is so normal for the situation you are in right now.It's very hard to seperate sucessfully and then re-experience a significant loss. If I were in your shoes, I would take really good care right now. Do the things that help you get back to the center of who you are...back to your own personal power. It's important to love all of who you are and what you are feeling right now. For example: If you can't stand being in the house.. get out. Go dancing, walking, swimming ect.. (it sounds like your body is telling you what you need).
I also think you ARE coping. Your reaching out, being honest and asking for ideas.
peace and blessings to you
Maga
RE: I'm not sure I can cope
Thank you all for your time and replies.
Today I am feeling a lot more positive. Spent yesterday with my friend Heather - and Henry - doing a small amount of retail therapy. I was out all day, which is just what I needed. Got back to my meditation this morning too.
I discovered why I was in such a state on Friday - I was premenstrual, which just compounded everything else I was feeling.
Thank you Maga for your words - it's taken years for me to realise that reaching out, being open with people IS coping, and not, as I used to think, being weak. I can't seem to hold things in like I used to, it makes me feelill.
Thank you all again
Namaste
Angie
RE: I'm not sure I can cope
Well, I've stopped it now. Having tried repeatedly for five days to getMark to talk, he told me he'd ring today to talk about it - nothing, and as I can't get hold of him I've had to email him to tell him we're finished. It's sad it's come to this, but I need to get on with my life, and not be dangled on a piece of string.
Welcome to the single life!
Just needed to get it out -
Namaste
Angie
RE: I'm not sure I can cope
Hi Angie,
glad to hear that you see your own strengths right now.
take care,
Maga[sm=nature-smiley-008.gif]
RE: I'm not sure I can cope
Hi Angie
You are doing the right thing in taking care of your emotional wellbeing. When someone blows hot and cold like this, it's obvious that they have real problems with closeness and to cut off communication like this is a very cruel way to treat someone. I have had this done to me and it 's horrible.
I'm sure they are aware that they have problems but they might not know what they can do about it and may not do any self-help or seek professional help to overcome whatever fears they have. Unfortunately this means they will just continue this pattern of behaviour.
You know that you are capable of love and caring and you will meet someone who is able and willing to give the same to you easily and effortlessly. Keep strong.
Sandra
x
RE: I'm not sure I can cope
Thanks again guys - it means a lot
x
Angie
RE: I'm not sure I can cope
Hi Angie,
You don't say what Mark did for you to question his trust, but if this trust was in any doubt, then you have done the right thing in finishing with him. Living like that would have eaten away at you and it would have ended very nastily.
You have unwaivering support here, dear Angie.
Love,
Patsy.
xxxxxxx