Breaking a worrying habit

RE: Breaking a worrying habit

Hiya there

Please don't trivialise your feelings.. what may seem silly to one person is crippling to another.. think of the person with OCD who can't leave the house without locking and unlocking the front door several times just to be sure it's locked shut. Some may look at that person and say don't be daft, it was locked the first time.. but to the sufferer or indeed anyone living with them it's a very valid and real worry.. and that person needs the peace of mind.

Once you start to make 'bets' in your mind it can seem to escalate.. you allow yourself a simple bet.. then you remember it the next day and make another, it seems simple, but after a time you're wagering your whole life on circumstance and telling yourself misfortune is on its way cause of the lights changing.

Of all the times you get the negative response to your wager: How many times does something truly bad happen, or indeed something you could really deem negative? If you get the negative response do you sometimes find you change your behaviour or mood just to make things happen?

I was brought up to believe that if you crossed someone on the stairs it would bring bad luck. I spent many years avoiding this situation or doing little prayers or running up and down stairs till I could make a clean run down them in order to avoid bad luck. I'd even spend time afterwards if I had been crossed looking for badthings to justify this belief.One day I was in a particularly foul mood and out of sheer bloody mindedness I went down the stairs thinking go on throw all you have at me (was a bad day with lots of bad things happening) - you know, that day nothing happened. I tried this a number of times to bring the bad luck on, nothing. I really couldn't work it out when it didn't happen. I still falter on stairs cause I worry I cause others that stress if they are superstitious or brought up to think that way.

When you've had such a bad spate of luck it's very easy to fall into the trap of 'it's always me' - when you firmly believe it, you'll always be chasing things to prove that to yourself.

Breaking the cycle is hard, specially in the early stages.. look at those things you mentioned, the bad things - you pulled through, they did happen, they were horrific, of course you would do anything for them to have not happened, but you managed it, you coped and you are strong enough to cope in the face of all that. All the more- you will continue to cope.

There are many things you can do.. I would say you may benefit from some EFT, it seriously works wonders.. the manual is online - and there's much discussion of this on the mind forums here. I do swear by it for emotional things..

There is no reason why the tide cannot turn.. look for the positives.. occasionally, when you look at the lights and they are in your favour, remember the nice things which happen after - or look at your son and remember how much you love one another.. when the lights are against you look again at the things you're blessed with, they are there.. in time you will see those things before the negative.. time and some healing will help, when you're ready.

RE: Breaking a worrying habit

Hi Lilac,

I would agree with Gussie and also say that this 'mania' for 'betting' stems from your past hurts and the worry of your little boy's health. It's borne out of stress, and you mentally say, 'If I do X, then Y won't happen.' When I was married to my abusive husband, I would find myself doing exactly the same thing as you. I would deliberately cross the road in one particular spot, making sure that I stepped on to a specific kerbstone. My irrational thinking was, 'If I step on this stone, I won't be in for a night of hell when I get home.' It was totally irrational behaviour, but it was a kind of focus for the situation. I stopped it when I left him.

You aren't the only one who's done this, Lilac. When your life gets better, the 'bets' will be 'off.'

Good luck!

Love,
Patsy.
xxxxxxxx

RE: Breaking a worrying habit

Hi Lilac

Yes I would agree that it is probably stress that is at the root of this. I have done similar for a very long time, things like if it's an important day (e.g. the day my son was born, the day of my driving test etc) and the sun comes out, I would see that as a good omen for the day. I wear certain 'lucky' earrings or necklace depending on what's happening. I do these things because I am frightened of things going wrong as so much has gone wrong in the past and at the moment I don't have any desire to stop doing it but maybe some time in the future this might change. I don't know if this is any help to you.

Sandra
x

RE: Breaking a worrying habit

Yes its anxiety response. Do not worry. You need to get to the root of your worries and this betting thing will phase off. Its worth going through the mill to sort it all out as your stress levels do not serve well when under constant anxiety and in the end its your body that needs nurturing as it cannot pick up the pieces when its all gone pete tong!!
xxxLots of love and a huge hug
Eve

RE: Breaking a worrying habit

i don't have any literal action/consequence examples from my own life for you, but we all have our quirks & rituals i think. one thing i know i do is observe ridiculous loyalties (like always buy my newspaper from the sasme vendor) with a vague sense that picking one up more conveniently, say, was a betrayal of trust!

what we all need to do is tear up the emotional chain letter , risk brazening it out sometimes. good luck x
PS delete button still isn't working!! this is driving me crazy!!!