Hi all hope you are well,
Why did I give my mother another chance after 4 years of ignoring her because of her treating me like second best and something you would scrape off a shoe?? I have given her 3 years nearly 4 now to prove herself to me that she does want to be a good mother to me and cares for me and she yet again stabs me in the back!! How you ask well it is going to be my horrible evil brother’s birthday tomorrow (06/11/2015) and as it is his 21st birthday.
She has given him enough money to have a day’s trip to London and back and we all know how expensive London is also she has bought him a new mobile phone so that will be an extra £100 to £150 on top, as well as £100 spending money. So all together she will have given him at least £450, all I got was a happy 21st Birthday sorry but I cannot give you much as I don’t have a lot of money but here’s £180 but she is going through a divorce at the moment so you would think she has less money than she did before!?! I have noticed this before and have confronted her about it but she just says “I give you and Harry the same amount of money”.
I have always been her second best anyway because she has told me over and over again how she would like a daughter, why couldn’t I be a girl, reminds you of anyone: Henry the VIII “I want a son otherwise you will be beheaded” in my case mentally abused. The question is what should I do? I tried to confront her today dropping hints about her second born being her “golden boy” favoured child but she has not questioned why yet!? but I think she knows that I know and am furious about it!!
Had a word about it with my grandma and she offered to pay for my shower to be installed which will cost about £200 I said thanks to her of course but I also said this is between mum and I and you cannot fix the problem only she can and turned the money down of course. Is this the norm especially as I happen to be the first born and of course we do suffer more as the second born gets more being 10 years between my evil brother and I?
I look forward to all your replies,
All the best,
Oliver
It seems to me that the problem is that you resent not being no. 1 in your mother's eye. It is her choice! It is clear
that you have not accepted her choice but she is just one person who appraises you this way. Surely you have
friends who appreciate you more?
I have never been my mother's favourite. As a hippy she used to be ashamed of my appearance and told me to
visit her by the back door. It made little odds to me because I did not respect/share her materialistic values.
Time can change things. Decades on, I have become close to her principally because I was the one that became
her full time carer (for 2 years) before it became necessary for her to receive more specialised monitoring that a
care home provides. (My siblings had busier, more demanding lives than myself).
What do you do to endear your mother to you? It reads like you constantly complain to her. Can you share a joke with her? Become light hearted or is it all heavy going and in resentful mode? It does read unfairly but she is entitled to her choices and you can't make someone else dance to your tune if they choose not to. It does seem largely about money too, i.e. not being as well gifted as your brother (incidentally why is he 'evil'? An extreme and harsh word!) Is it not her love that you would like more...or just her spending more money on you?
Hi all hope you are well,
Hi, I have gone through similar situations. Its of no use trying to change her, as it's not going to happen. Sometimes we just have to let go and time will change things. I have seen my mother change as she grew older. She will realize your worth sooner or later. Meanwhile try to divert your mind by doing things that will make you happy. Keep yourself busy.Why did I give my mother another chance after 4 years of ignoring her because of her treating me like second best and something you would scrape off a shoe?? I have given her 3 years nearly 4 now to prove herself to me that she does want to be a good mother to me and cares for me and she yet again stabs me in the back!! How you ask well it is going to be my horrible evil brother’s birthday tomorrow (06/11/2015) and as it is his 21st birthday.
She has given him enough money to have a day’s trip to London and back and we all know how expensive London is also she has bought him a new mobile phone so that will be an extra £100 to £150 on top, as well as £100 spending money. So all together she will have given him at least £450, all I got was a happy 21st Birthday sorry but I cannot give you much as I don’t have a lot of money but here’s £180 but she is going through a divorce at the moment so you would think she has less money than she did before!?! I have noticed this before and have confronted her about it but she just says “I give you and Harry the same amount of money”.
I have always been her second best anyway because she has told me over and over again how she would like a daughter, why couldn’t I be a girl, reminds you of anyone: Henry the VIII “I want a son otherwise you will be beheaded” in my case mentally abused. The question is what should I do? I tried to confront her today dropping hints about her second born being her “golden boy” favoured child but she has not questioned why yet!? but I think she knows that I know and am furious about it!!
Had a word about it with my grandma and she offered to pay for my shower to be installed which will cost about £200 I said thanks to her of course but I also said this is between mum and I and you cannot fix the problem only she can and turned the money down of course. Is this the norm especially as I happen to be the first born and of course we do suffer more as the second born gets more being 10 years between my evil brother and I?
I look forward to all your replies,
All the best,
Oliver
It is not possible to change another person, however much you want her to change. You can only change your response to her.