Hello Vicki,
I have a friend who is works for Domestic Women's Violence and she says that unbelievably it's the women who's men hit them 'mildly' or 'every now and again' that die most often not the poor souls who are beaten black and blue on a regular basis, I don't want to add to your many worries by scaring you to death sweetheart but he really could go too far one of these days and you know what us human's are like with our 'it'll never be me/happen to me' attitude, it can and it does.
Like someone has said it starts with loving yourself, it's not easy and there is no quick fix but it's attainable and the rewards are indescribable.
You are living proof that there is life after a broken heart as you said you were together and broke up 19 years ago.
Be strong and keep posting let us all know how you are doing.
Love
Rebecca x
From what you say I think this chap does love you, but in his own way.
Unfortunately its not the type of love that adult relationships are built on. It's very doubtful that he actually can give you the care and warmth you need. He just hasn't matured. I have only heard of this blind love that can take over. It's almost certain that there is no future with him and the last thing to consider is starting a family. Some men do use emotional blackmail. Until you do decide your future don't let him maneuver you into any situation that you can't walk away from. The other posts are right. There are men out there with whom you can find happiness.
Good luck.
Hi Vicky
I do hope your feeling better today. I just wanted to let you know that you CAN get over this man and it WILL make you so much stronger than you already are. Life is so short, take this as a lesson learned and move on from it, i know exactly how your feeling, having been through it myself, your so much better than what your getting out of this one sided relationship. I agree also that this man is immature and selfish but it seems to me he doesn't know any better and will never change, after all, why would he when you let him get away with so much, don't be offended by that comment but i have to be honest with you, from experience. I know its very difficult to walk away from someone you love so much, even though you know it's destroying your soul. I hope you can work something out soon, keep us posted yes?,
Take Care x x x:nature-smiley-008:
From what you say I think this chap does love you, but in his own way.
How can anyone love someone and treat them like that.....that sentence baffles me, these people love only themselves im afraid.....
From what you say I think this chap does love you, but in his own way.
How can anyone love someone and treat them like that.....that sentence baffles me, these people love only themselves im afraid.....
Well you do find this. How many people only discover what they have lost after it's gone. They suddenly realize that they did love somebody but then find its too late. Sadly it does happen. It's not necessarily that they only love themselves, sometimes it can be that they are too immature to face the responsibility of their love. It makes it very hard on the partner.
May I just pick up on the "Love" aspect of this thread.
Love is not a word, it's an action.
Just pack up and get out, he will never change, he doesnt know how to or even want to.
You can love more than one person, you know life is so short and why spend it with someone that makes you unhappy.
From what you say I think this chap does love you, but in his own way.
Unfortunately its not the type of love that adult relationships are built on.
As I see it, there are perhaps 3 key types of love.
There is physical love, based on physical attraction, and is primarily there to allow reproduction of the species. This is natural for us as human beings.
There there is conditional love and unconditional love.
Conditional love comes about because every person wants to be in control of their own lives. When someone else comes into their life, they feel that their control is threatened, sometimes a little bit and sometimes a lot, depending on the types of people in the relationship. In order for those people to maintain control of themselves, they start to impose conditions on the relationship... "if you're going to love me then you will do this, you will do that" etc. How this control is put across will differ depending on the person. If you've read the Celestine Prophecy, this offers a good template for the different control drama types of people, i.e. the "poor me", the "aggressor" etc.
Unconditional love is the natural in-between. It exists between all people. It is simply covered up by our judgments, emotions and opinions, non of which are the true us, because the truth cannot change, yet judgments, opinions, emotions etc. can all change. These aspects of the mind (for want of a better way of putting it) all get in the way and cloud our recognition of unconditional love.
So, from what Myarka says, yes, love is an action, but it is also more than that. It is every existing and natural and needs no action, but it can also become controlling.
From what Sheangel says, yes, it's perfectly possible to love more than one person because we truthfully have love for all people, if we can remove the aspects of mind that cloud it.
And, from what Scommstech says, yes, this chap does love Vicki, in his own way. He actually appears to desire mainly the controlling aspect of love and does not recognise that he already has unconditional love he can find if he chooses.
It is however, unfair to say that he will never change, for nobody can judge another person or know what their future will truly hold. He may change, but it will be up to him to recognise the truth within, and to let go of the controlling love he appears to be seeking. As with all dis-ease or issues we have, nobody else can remove these from us, it is entirely up to us to recognise their existence and choose to do something about it.
In this case, Vicki, you can recognise what love this man has for you, decide for yourself if you believe he is making any steps to change towards unconditional love and let go of the control, and if you believe that he is not going to relinquish that control drama/issue he has, then you must take whatever steps are necessary to look after yourself, because he won't do it for you.
There are people who do recognise true unconditional love and are more than willing to share that. Sometimes they are elusive to our perception, but they are out there, and I am confident you will find that person for you.
All Love and Reiki Hugs
Isn't it strange, Love can give us the most happiness, or the most pain. Yet we can't fully live without it. I think that that old saying is right. It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
🙂