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Premature ejaculation for 2 years...


caster
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HELP...

I've been with my partner for 2 years and have not been able to perform due to premature ejaculation and/or lack of erection. I have been to the doctors and he said that I am too young (30) for any drugs. He just said, start exercising.

Is there any other advice I can get from here? I mean 2 years! is causing a lot of strain on our relationship. Please help.

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ChrisRams
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Hiya

There are techniques that you can use to delay ejaculation. You can, for example, press the perineum just before you feel the urge. Or you and your partner can practise getting to just before the crucial point and then stopping, wait a few minutes then start again. Or maybe bring your partner to orgasm before you penetrate.

Hope this helps
(from one whose partner had the same problem but we overcame it)

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myarka
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Hi caster,

There is a sequence you need to go through, but first when was the last time you saw your doctor about it and did he come to any diagnosis?

There are many causes, but the more you and your partner stress about it the more difficult it is to resolve. But it can be resolved by following a few simple steps.

Myarka.

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caster
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ChrisRams: When I try stopping at the critical point and waiting a few moments, I end up loosing the erection, so either way its all over. How do I get my partner orgasm first? myarka: I have been seeing the doctor a few times over the last 2 years, and all he says is you need to exercise. Please help, this is very frustrating, depressing, and damaging to the relationship.

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myarka
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myarka: I have been seeing the doctor a few times over the last 2 years, and all he says is you need to exercise. Please help, this is very frustrating, depressing, and damaging to the relationship.

Hi Caster,

I would like to do this through PM but I don't think you can receive PMs until you've done a few posts. But we do need to mail directly before we can go into any detail.

However, there are 3 areas that need to be worked on and each needs to be done at a pace that supports the others, and they are:

- health
- lifestyle
- relationship

Firstly, you need to know that it's a solvable problem and it's more to do with the stress you put yourself under. The physical/health side will help you gain the confidence and fitness you need.

Do you actually live with your partner, and therefore together every night?

Are you able to talk openly with your partner about what happens?

In resolving this you both need to agree that you won't put any expectations on each other and it may be a few weeks before you can acheive what you want.

Myarka.

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Maxximed
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hi caster,

first of all id say relax!!! i have not had that problem for a prolonged period of time but get it every now and then and the more you think about it being a problem the more it will be a problem.

your gf obviously is understanding about it so just relax dont give it too much thought (easy i know!!) and have you thought about not going into the situation with a loaded gun?

stop seeing it as a real problem it is annoying yes but as soon as you see it as an incovenience rtaher than a all out problem you'll find it will sort itself out!!

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ChrisRams
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ChrisRams: When I try stopping at the critical point and waiting a few moments, I end up loosing the erection, so either way its all over. How do I get my partner orgasm first? myarka: I have been seeing the doctor a few times over the last 2 years, and all he says is you need to exercise. Please help, this is very frustrating, depressing, and damaging to the relationship.

How do you get your partner to orgasm first?

Brother, men don't just have one sex organ - you have many! Use your fingers, tongue, imagination... we don't have orgasms so much during penetrative sex, you know! And watching your girl climax is (according to my OH) one of the sexiest sights around.

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Awakening Dawn & Bulimia Hope
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Hi Caster,

I also work with couple for various aspects of sex therapy..so here are my helpful suggestions:

~ During the last two years ..this challenge would have caused alot of strain and unneccessary expectation..so you have probably gone in to Performance Anxiety state ..the more you think on it, the worser it will become!
Solution: For the next month or so..Decide not to have Penetrative sex..instead focus on foreplay and making each other climax through other means (eg oral sex , games, sensual massage, hot dating etc)

~2ndly I recommend you look up Sensate-focus technique..(if you can't, pm me)

~ Invest in quality time to spend together..re-connecting on a romantic level..
Knowing most women prefer a partner that connects to her wave-length, than someone who just satisfies her in bed alone

~ Eat healthy foods rich in zinc, iron, magnesium, selenium, copper and protein..as they not only help your reproductive system in good condition..but will also help quality erection and healthy sperm production.

~ Fruit and veg with greens are also a good idea with high vi C ..as they are essential for the softer tissue around the penis..which when aroused needs to maintain it's ability to sustain the tension and erection with increased blood circulation.

~ Work though your relationship problems and anxieties with each other..as comminication is key in all of this.

~ Do work out regularly, to produce a lot of feel good Endorphoins, and to stay in good health/shape....When you feel good, your libido will be equally matched with a higher self esteem.
But avoid heavy weight lifting to a point of pelvic hernia as that will add to your PE.

I can suggest some more..but here are some stating tips for you to put in to action..that is well within your control ....

Good luck..

with warm wishes

Vathani

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caster
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Hi Caster,

I also work with couple for various aspects of sex therapy..so here are my helpful suggestions:

~ During the last two years ..this challenge would have caused alot of strain and unneccessary expectation..so you have probably gone in to Performance Anxiety state ..the more you think on it, the worser it will become!
Solution: For the next month or so..Decide not to have Penetrative sex..instead focus on foreplay and making each other climax through other means (eg oral sex , games, sensual massage, hot dating etc)

Maybe I am not good a foreplay, as I have never been able to get her to climax via foreplay, or penatrative sex for that matter.

~2ndly I recommend you look up Sensate-focus technique..(if you can't, pm me)

~ Invest in quality time to spend together..re-connecting on a romantic level..
Knowing most women prefer a partner that connects to her wave-length, than someone who just satisfies her in bed alone

~ Eat healthy foods rich in zinc, iron, magnesium, selenium, copper and protein..as they not only help your reproductive system in good condition..but will also help quality erection and healthy sperm production.

~ Fruit and veg with greens are also a good idea with high vi C ..as they are essential for the softer tissue around the penis..which when aroused needs to maintain it's ability to sustain the tension and erection with increased blood circulation.

~ Work though your relationship problems and anxieties with each other..as comminication is key in all of this.

~ Do work out regularly, to produce a lot of feel good Endorphoins, and to stay in good health/shape....When you feel good, your libido will be equally matched with a higher self esteem.
But avoid heavy weight lifting to a point of pelvic hernia as that will add to your PE.

I can suggest some more..but here are some stating tips for you to put in to action..that is well within your control ....

Good luck..

with warm wishes

Vathani

I will try some of these out. Thanks for the post.

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Awakening Dawn & Bulimia Hope
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Take the pressure off you Caster!

Only 33% of us women reach orgasm via penetrative sex..the rest of us reply on other methods..

Which only goes to prove that you can develop a skill to know your lady's likes and dislikes in bed or outside ...that much more intimately.

Ask her for feedback, each time you do something ..not only will this give you the postive feedback and encouragement to do more ..but you will develop an artful way to make love to your partner with the full confident you are looking for.

That can only make you feel good that she is being pleased ..

In tantric love making, the pleasure is in as much giving as it is in taking..so step away from the instant gratifications..and focus on enjoyment for both of you!

With warm wishes

Vathani

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caster
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My job involves around 7 hours of sitting and my legs are always ice cold. Has this got anything to do with it?

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mike03
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RE

No Siting Gesture has nothing to do with it.

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maunik
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I think it doesn't make any difference.

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tenderirishman
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Hi there

I suffered with this situation for years with my ex -girlfriend. The truth is the problem was not really mine. It was our problem but I at the time did not know this. Oh yes, I was told, but I did not want to hear the truth. I loved my ex very much. I also was in love with her but there lay the problem. She loved me very much but was not in love with me. When you hold her close is there a feeling of something not complete?

Are you a man that is kind, makes a good partner, so maybe she loves the idea of you? You make her feel safe and secure. Well women are strong, very strong, they don’t need us but society tells us to be the provider, so that’s what we all think our role is. Women feel the same but it is not true.

When you find a partner that doesn’t need you but wants you, you will not suffer from this any more you will feel like a man because she will empower you. She will give you control, you will have the reins and she will trust you to guide you both in a good direction. Do not abuse this power and you give yourself to her 100%. Believe that you are good. Confidence women like, arrogance no-one likes. Check also your star signs, a lot of times as they make sense, for example water will put out the fire. Bits of your life will flow together when its the right time to do so. Well look what water can do, it can be very gentle or very powerful.

Anyhow good luck my friend 🙂

My job involves around 7 hours of sitting and my legs are always ice cold. Has this got anything to do with it?

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Matty30
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caster,

I had ED/PE + back pain, rsi, shy bladder syndrome during most of my 20's.

Now, thankfully all my problems are behind me!! gone for good, i have excellent control nowadays.

Alexander Technique did it - its great, you learn conscious control of your own reflexes. It will completely change your life/body forever. stick with it. Reflexology also sped things up too.
Check em both out, maybe AT first.

What would recommend doing is start analysing your own body.
Study how much you FLINCH and what makes you flinch.
If you have ED/PE its because you're probably cant relax well enough whilst arused. This is because of fear, probably fear of pain maybe and you probably tighten too much in the hips.

(this isnt alexander technique, but) Perhaps rest on the floor and imagine somebody like a doctor gently proding you. Imagine him doing it in random spots where you dont expect where. If theres a spot which u notice u start to flinch/tighten then theres a start. THIS SHOULDNT HAPPEN. we, ideally, shouldnt have any fear like this.
The balls are a problem area for this. Can you relax with the thought of a doctor/anybody 'about to' touch em (in a non-sexual way)? Men shouldnt have any pain/fear about this but many associate them as being delicate and always near to some pain. This could be your problem, just a thought, because it was with me. of course, when you are in bed with a girl, the fear increases because what she does is out of your control. I managed to figure out it was because i had an operation as a child on one which was really painful and i it left me in a flinched type state for all my life- something i blocked out. I realised years later it was root problem to my bad posture and all my ills. i learnt to breathe and relax 'though' the fear and it changes everything.

Anyways, start thinking about the reasons why your tighten and losing control whilst in the presence of others in a sexual situation.

leanr alexander though because experts in the alexander technique dont suffer from PE.

The two cant co-exist.

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Learning
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How about you and your girlfriend taking a massage class together. You can give and receive pleasure in a non sexual way that usually leads to sex at some point because you are both relaxed.

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Richard Lawton3
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When I try stopping at the critical point and waiting a few moments, I end up loosing the erection, so either way its all over.
...
My job involves around 7 hours of sitting and my legs are always ice cold. Has this got anything to do with it?
....
Maybe I am not good a foreplay, as I have never been able to get her to climax via foreplay, or penatrative sex for that matter....

I'm a body psychotherapist and do a lot of work with sexuality. There are several issues here that are worth noting. One of the main ones is that of body awareness. I suspect that you may have a lot of body-armouring in the pelvic region, which is likely to have several consequences. Firstly, the energy is not flowing below the waist, which explains why you get general circulatory problems in the legs. It will also result in a lack of awareness of your own arousal levels: your "critical point" is clearly too critical, and you need to become more sensitive to how your body actually feels - and your genitals in particular. The coldness of your legs evokes to me the phrase "getting cold feet" - and makes me wonder about your attitude towards both your own sexuality and sexual intimacy with a partner.

The other issue is that of your current partner. What is her sexual history? Did she reach orgasm easily with previous partners? Does she orgasm when she pleasures herself? It takes two to tango, as they say. The problem may not be all yours. People who unconsciously carry a great deal of sexual shame or wounding often constellate sexual problems in their partners. The one I have most commonly encountered is that of women constellating premature ejaculation in a man: her 'energy' is effectively telling the man to hurry up and get it finished...

In a forum like this it's impossible to give answers. The whole thing is a mixture of your mental and embodied psychology, plus hers, plus the way those two meet. That's a lot of factors!

Good luck.

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bbp09
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hey caster,,,,i also suffering from erectile problem n one of my frnd suggest me pills like viagra and believe they r really effective n get these pills online at very low price,,,,,hey man plz chk out this link n u get ur solution.

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no2pespecial
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Rubes9492
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Alexander

Hey Matty30...I realize your post came many years ago but I'm hoping perhaps you'll see this message....

I've experienced PE and shy bladder for many years and just like you said, I notice my whole self flinching when my genitals are touched even very lightly....I've been studying Alexander Technique for about 6 months now and definitely see it as an amazing technique that I believe will be able to help me overcome this. I notice myself getting extremely tense and flinching even when just thinking about getting aroused. I've been practicing letting the tension release and giving myself the alexander directions while in a state of arousal but it is certainly a slow process. I'm wondering if you could describe a bit more how you came to overcome the tension and the flinching and the PE and shy bladder in general. I would very much appreciate it. Thanks so much and hope you have a wonderful new year.

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Richter
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I can recommend to you two things.
First. satisfy your girls orally. And only then shoves. I do so.
Second. To try priligy. To google in web.

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