What am I thinking today?
That I have no faith in human nature nor of the ways of this horrible world.
Everyone or just political leaders? We are in an increasingly precarious situation...very worrying.
How is the nextdoor situation going?
I feel it is everyone I appear to be coming across, never mind, should be used to it by now.
The next-door thing in my neck of the woods (so far) looks a waste of time, think there are about 5 or 6 regulars on, all they talk about is litter picks or does anyone know a good plumber or such like.
I feel it is everyone I appear to be coming across, never mind, should be used to it by now.
The next-door thing in my neck of the woods (so far) looks a waste of time, think there are about 5 or 6 regulars on, all they talk about is litter picks or does anyone know a good plumber or such like.
No faith in anyone? People can let you down but I make allowances for that, i.e. do not expect great things from people I barely know. You sound rather depressed....
Re: nextdoor - well everyone can be pro-active, i.e. if you wanted you could arrange a social somewhere e.g. to meet for coffee and chat at a cafe and get to know them... Nextdoor is as good as the input - just reflects this!
What happened re. the group meditation idea you had?
What am I thinking today?
That I have no faith in human nature nor of the ways of this horrible world.
You sound really down, Jeannie. I wish you were near enough to invite around for coffee and a chat. Failing that - can you talk about it?
I really wouldn't want to (attempt to) cheer you up by pretending everyone is wonderful. Of course they aren't. But there are people everywhere who are wonderful enough to restore faith in human nature. They can require some searching for, however!
You sound really down, Jeannie. I wish you were near enough to invite around for coffee and a chat. Failing that - can you talk about it?
I really wouldn't want to (attempt to) cheer you up by pretending everyone is wonderful. Of course they aren't. But there are people everywhere who are wonderful enough to restore faith in human nature. They can require some searching for, however!
Yes I agree. There are countless people who are actively making the world a better place. For instance, do you know that showing kindness is a growing movement?
https://www.randomactsofkindness.org/
And those caring so much that they are willing to risk their lives attending to others in great need
https://www.msf.org.uk/
Not to overlook the active environmentalists who seek to make this a better planet.....the list is endless....
"It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see" (Guy Finley)
jeannie - this made me think of you.....
http://www.msn.com/en-gb/news/photos/50-photos-that-will-restore-your-faith-in-humanity/ss-BBzCP5i?li=BBoPWjQ&ocid=mailsignout
You sound really down, Jeannie. I wish you were near enough to invite around for coffee and a chat. Failing that - can you talk about it?
I really wouldn't want to (attempt to) cheer you up by pretending everyone is wonderful. Of course they aren't. But there are people everywhere who are wonderful enough to restore faith in human nature. They can require some searching for, however!
Thank you so much, I wish I could talk, I wish it was just one thing I could talk about but it is accumulative experiences over years it is just too complicated xx
Thanks for link Amy.
Thank you so much, I wish I could talk, I wish it was just one thing I could talk about but it is accumulative experiences over years it is just too complicated xx
Can you not confide in your husband? Or a close friend? Perhaps it is more involved and you might benefit from counselling/talking therapy? Just a thought since it is hard to get out of ingrained/developed depression on your own.
You said you were thinking of doing a group meditation at your home...what is the situation with that currently? I think it may well help i.e. be supportive, if you are able to go ahead with it.
Thanks Amy
Husband knows and is understanding but obviously gets frustrated when there is really nothing he can do about my independent experiences throughout life, of which there have been many before we met. However, a large amount of problems over the last 18 years are shared as they are related to x daughter in law and how she has destroyed so many and so much. There are other experiences he shares with me but he can 'switch off' from things as he knows (as I do) that it does no good to go over and over and over but these things have not happened and stopped, they are there, always.
I do not have a close friend at all, I thought I had/kidded myself I had but when certain things have arisen I found these people did not care at all and that feels painful. a lovely friend died a year ago and a small group of us who got together regualry just went their own way, despite my trying so hard to keep us together. Always thinking of others and their wellbeing has led me to become a victim, my mother was the same, a lovely caring person who died feeling very alone. We know a small amount of people still but if we were no longer around it would probably be a year or so before they thought that they had not seen us for a while.
Re the group at home, I initially got so enthusastic when I thought about it then just feel I do not trust anyone, anymore.
I Know I have mentioned this here before but I started a new group of a national organisation in 2013 to bring people together, there are now 170 members and it is thriving, I hardly go along as have only felt bullied and put down, such a soft touch I must be, always looking out for people then wham in the face, this is not in my imagination either it is fact.
Have you heard the title of the book Diary of a Nobody, I feel maybe this is how people see me...a Nobody.
Thanks Amy
Husband knows and is understanding but obviously gets frustrated when there is really nothing he can do about my independent experiences throughout life, of which there have been many before we met. However, a large amount of problems over the last 18 years are shared as they are related to x daughter in law and how she has destroyed so many and so much. There are other experiences he shares with me but he can 'switch off' from things as he knows (as I do) that it does no good to go over and over and over but these things have not happened and stopped, they are there, always.
I do not have a close friend at all, I thought I had/kidded myself I had but when certain things have arisen I found these people did not care at all and that feels painful. a lovely friend died a year ago and a small group of us who got together regualry just went their own way, despite my trying so hard to keep us together. Always thinking of others and their wellbeing has led me to become a victim, my mother was the same, a lovely caring person who died feeling very alone. We know a small amount of people still but if we were no longer around it would probably be a year or so before they thought that they had not seen us for a while.
Re the group at home, I initially got so enthusastic when I thought about it then just feel I do not trust anyone, anymore.
I Know I have mentioned this here before but I started a new group of a national organisation in 2013 to bring people together, there are now 170 members and it is thriving, I hardly go along as have only felt bullied and put down, such a soft touch I must be, always looking out for people then wham in the face, this is not in my imagination either it is fact.
Have you heard the title of the book Diary of a Nobody, I feel maybe this is how people see me...a Nobody.
Thanks for sharing this jeannie. How sad it is that your life now is so defined by the past that you cannot reach closure and move on from it. Does it involve a lot of resentment re. the daughter in law? That can often be futile and just be toxic.
I also do not have a close friend but then I am a semi recluse by choice. I think age may be a factor since it is quite common to become somewhat isolated with time. I am making inroads into changing that though via nextdoor and meetup. Not many people would want to hear the same set thought patterns constantly retold so there is that to consider. Although having a good friend is supposed to support you, there ARE supposed to be shared good times, i.e. if it's all grim going then people tend not to stay the distance. I have also found people largely disappointing - mostly because I have been a giver, i.e. a good listener and reliable support etc...when this has not been much reciprocated - much like yourself. I am now more cautious though since I realise much of this situation was in my own making. I am more withdrawn now - not so quick to be everything I could be in a relationship....I want it to be more equally based.
I really sense that you need closure on some issues since you are clearly still feeling wounded and this seems to be self destructive. Have you considered counselling at all I wonder?
Is there anything in your current life that brings you joy? I ask because it is so important to redress the balance. Thereagain, if you are depressed, then this drains the colour from life....I know this all too well, having been clinically depressed myself i.e. severely - I found it hard to put one foot in front of the other .... literally - i.e. to walk! Astonishingly I was able to get myself out of it and now have a positive mindset but I have mentioned this several times on this forum I feel. My point is things can change, you can be healed and cultivate a better outlook...but I sense you cannot do this on your own.
"No one can make us feel inferior without our permission" (Eleanor Roosevelt)
Thanks, thing is I know I have talked about these things on here before and I apologise but this chat in itself is helpful, counselling would not help me. There is of course a lot of resentment re daughter in law, and it is just as you say...toxic! it feels like a cancer running through us but to blank her out is impossible, she is a constant. I think mouths would drop open if I were able to open up on here but of course that will never happen.
Then it is not really about us, we have witnessed our son's life turned upside down, he copes, he has no choice, but as parents we know this is caused by one person and it is hard to take. Our son is his own counsellor and he is brilliant. We do not talk about things as he deals with things his own way and he would not want us to remind him of this or that, we can just 'be there'
Thing is with 'friends' the kind I have had basically would not hear anything I wanted to say for talking about themselves. Honestly apart from being able to type/talk on hear I am normally the listener.
Couple of reasons I have fell out with people...One friend (let me use the term loosely) we knew for 0ver 40 odd years, lives her life by ritual, Monday this, Tuesday that etc., Not long ago my husband was really poorly and I felt I needed some company, of course no chance, silly me, the day I asked was the day she likes to clean the conservatory out.
We fell out with another couple because of their cruelty to a dog, thinking about that even though it was a long while ago brings tears to my eyes.
Unlike you Amy, I don't want to be a recluse, loneliness terrifies me but I am now afraid this is the way things are going to go because of losing so much faith in people. I still look out and feel I would welcome anyone, little things can bring me a huge amount of joy, some friends returned from living in Spain recently and knowing we can see them even now and again is a lovely feeling, I hide any anxieties/worries when with them and I feel I am someone else for a while. Crowan saying this morning that he wished he could invite me round for a coffee brought me joy, a text from my granddaughter saying 'welcome home' when we have been away could make me elated for a month!
Seeing a dog wag its tail is joy, dog sitting is sheer joy.
There are depths of depression and there is unhappiness, I feel unhappy, I feel helpless. Sometimes people feel depression for no specific reason, how was it for you, did something trigger it off? my heart goes out to you.
Well Amy and Crowan thank you for your initial suggestion this morning re chatting, thank you for letting me open up here. I have been housebound with a really bad chest infection for a week and this in itself has made me miserable.
love xx
Understandably being currently ill (with the chest infection) would impact on how you feel. I am glad, at least, that you have the opportunity of expressing yourself in this thread!
I find it sad that so many people fear loneliness when what this is really about is not making friends with yourself (you could start by maybe not giving yourself such a hard time!) This is the difference between loneliness and solitude. I am in harmony with myself (being spiritually focused) and so enjoy the freedom of solitude. It's also having a different perception of reality though....I used to be a victim, have a fatalistic outlook, i.e. this is how it is, nothing can be done etc. until I discovered the reality of freewill and that we are how we choose to be! Psychologists view that stress is not the situation but how we react to it. So it is possible to be in a victim's predicament but not 'buy' into that role - like I ended my last post with that quote - it requires your permission. I am a survivor now with a positive mindset and this is available to anyone. Sorry to sound preachy but suffering is not inevitable but an option you choose.
For instance, I am currently grieving the recent demise of my mother. It could be more overwhelming than it is if I choose to go under, and let it take hold of me. As it is, I have to be wary (because of my past inclination to get depressed - yes it was a situational catalyst although I had a melancholic predispositon). So I don't wallow in it - I may allow temporary expression but not for the feeling to get into a mood (longer emotional state).
I am pleased to read that you can find some joy. I hope that nextdoor and meetup enables you to find events to go to and socialise. I find that this, in itself, is sufficient to offset the social void.
I have been reflecting I have come to the conclusion although I say I look out and want to welcome everyone and loneliness terrifies me etc., unfortunately because of my experiences, specifically over this last 3 years and losing my really close friend and the group of girls that were left, to me they also died and it feels like mass grief. I wrote letters from the heart to all of them, but too busy with grandchildren now, two of them taking off on holidays together, friends for 28 years, meeting at least once a month, all that time then POOF! Gone!
I will not be able to trust new people. I have my lovely husband and son, without them I would not want to live.
Any random acts of kindness needs to be shown to myself.
I have been reflecting I have come to the conclusion although I say I look out and want to welcome everyone and loneliness terrifies me etc., unfortunately because of my experiences, specifically over this last 3 years and losing my really close friend and the group of girls that were left, to me they also died and it feels like mass grief. I wrote letters from the heart to all of them, but too busy with grandchildren now, two of them taking off on holidays together, friends for 28 years, meeting at least once a month, all that time then POOF! Gone!
I will not be able to trust new people. I have my lovely husband and son, without them I would not want to live.
Any random acts of kindness needs to be shown to myself.
28 years IS a long time to be suddenly cut out of their lives. However, people make decisions e.g. when couples split up, it's found that their friends can discriminate as to who they will want to continue befriending! It's when you realise that the relationship you thought you had may have been less close than supposed...a horrid, wake up call! I am experiencing precisely this with my sister who has turned into a stranger and trying to fleece me re. probate. I feel totally bewildered, tremendously heartbroken and betrayed.
There's a saying "people don't change...they just reveal themselves" Seems to be a lot of truth in that although I do believe people can improve on who they are - I have....tremendously so!
It is sensible to be wary/be on your guard now. No one can blame you for doing so. Such a situation can foster bitterness though which can sour your life....watch out for that! It's good that you can see what is good in your life too.....
"Count your blessings, not your problems"