I've been meaning to put up a post about this topic ever since she first disappeared.
I'm not 100% sure why this case has had made such a strong emotional impact on me above most other crimes I hear/read about it. It might have been because at the time it happened, I'd just become a new mum and suddenly could see things from the point of view of being a parent and how devastating it was for her family. Or it might have been the 'ordinariness' of the circumstances of her crime. She was out with friends, bought a pizza on the way home and a short time later her life was snatched away. She was never supposed to be in danger from these every day activities. Perhaps it was also because it was Christmas, so now every Christmas will probably be painful for those who loved her. Maybe there was something about her that I could itentify with. Whatever the reasons, I've thought about her and her family quite a lot.
So I followed the trial of Vincent Tabak, wanting to understand why he did what he did. For me, that was the big question my mind kept revisiting over the months between his arrest and trial: 'WHY?'
Of course, I can only go on what was reported at the time, but I didn't believe his story. At the same time, I couldn't understand how it was sexually motivated... Even without understanding his motive, I agreed with the jury's decision - manslaughter didn't seem right to me.
Then the papers started reporting (with something akin to relish) his 'addiction' to violent pornography. Now I can see how it was sexually motivated. It's got me thinking about how desensitised and indifferent many of us are becoming. All this time, I've held the opinion that if people want to look at porn - as long as it involves consenting adults - then that is their choice and, so I thought, relatively harmless. Now I'm thinking, is this stuff actually warping their minds? And what is the impact on children?? They are going to watch this stuff out of curiosity and possibly think that it's 'normal'. Are we going to see a gradual rise in violent sexual crime? Is it possible for someone to come from a loving home to become influenced and end up doing something like this? Would Vincent Tabak have done this awful thing if he didn't view violent pornography?
It just bothers me that an ordinary girl going about her everyday life can be attacked and taken away like this and that an implicated factor is a form of dark entertainment.
Poor Joanna, rest in peace.
Sex in pants is alright and natural but when it goes to head and become cerebral, it becomes warped that is a disease because it is parting of ways from real to imagination. a divorce from physiological/real. Imaginary needs are never met. Mind games, where do they end?
When it is real, we know the body is satisfied after its urges are met but cerebral urges are in the domain of unreal...so satisfaction never happens. More ways to gratify which is not real are sought. chasing a mirage becomes more appealing...rather than drinking real water.
Peace.
I agree that the type of material that children and young people can access these days gives cause for concern. As well as stuff on the internet, the British Censorship Board seem to be passing almost anything these days in the form of torture-porn or just downright gruesomeness.
I couldn't help noticing, as an aside, that the photo the press had been using of Tabak before and during his trial has been replaced by another, in which he looks far more sinister and seedy....
I have been deeply saddened by this, terrible crime against Joanna and her family.
It simply beggars belief, it disgusts me to think we have to breath the same air as evil individuals who lurk in many corners of society.
Well written Tigerlily, yes I think the world is fast becoming a pretty awful place, access to anything on the internet giving the impression it is normal. I feel saddened when my granddaughter tells me of some films she has watched, crikey when I was her age I was watching nothing more than Lady and the Tramp. I could also identify with Jo, not personally but my son's girlfriend was called Jo and she lived in an apartment on her own, could have just as easy been her.
I think that there is something you can do though .
At the moment unfortunately it looks like there is no way that you can prevent your kids from being exposed to sex and violence, whether it by on the telly, internet or via chats with friends in the playground.
I think its the responsibility of parents to discuss these issues with their kids and try to point them in the right direction. My kids are teenagers but I make it my business to know everything they are doing, where they are, who they area talking to etc...I go through their face book friends and ask them about any friends that I have never heard them mention.
I tell them that if they want to do adult things (like facebook) then they need to understand how adults behave. By good communication you can get all your points over in a fun non threatening way.
I am not saying that I manage to do this successfully all the time....but you can but try :))
In an ideal world if everyone took care of their own kids mental developement then imagine
how less violence there would be ?
In an ideal world if everyone took care of their own kids mental developement then imagine how less violence there would be ?
But we cannot expect more of people than they are capable of - well, we can, but that only results in disapointment, frustration and depression for us - and already damaged parents can only produce damaged offspring.