Sending you some very big hugs purplehat.
Have you thought about some flower essences to help you in your grief. Star of Bethlehem would be very helpful to you during this time.
Thinking of you and just remember to take one day at a time and be kind to yourself.
Hi there,
I have been there also with my other half being killed in a RTA - I was in the traffic jam that was caused by it, I relate to you but in a slightly different way - my other half had decided that the grass was greener elsewhere - he discovered it was not and he was desperatley unhappy - he knew he was the very other half of me. (i have omitted the date for personal reasons)
A date that I will never forget. Why? Well I will tell you.
It was the day that the man I truly loved was cremated, at a brief service, in the company of work colleagues, St. Johns Ambulance brigade volunteers, sailing club members, grieving friends, a distraught Mother, Sister, Brother-in-Law, Sister-in-Law, and Nieces & Nephews. Due to ill health, his beloved Father, a man he respected and adored was unable to be there, altruistically being looked after by the greatest brother he could have wished for, appreciated and adored, by him, feelings that were reciprocated.
People gathered before the service and talked in quite tones, what a man, friend, worker, companion, etc. Following the hearse, a car drew up, driven by his devoted sister-in-law, we could see in the back his benevolent, graceful and elegant Mother supported by his equally refined and elegant Sister, all watched, as they got out and walked to the door. The cars bearing his well groomed brother-in-law, nieces and nephews and their respective companions continued to arrive, more people than anyone could have envisaged were there.
But also there was a distressing aura amongst the mass of people assembled there, emanating from a lesser number of gathered people, noted by all, a complete lack of respect or grief, inappropriately dressed, behaviour unbecoming of the occasion, these were not outsiders, but his daughter, wife & her family - the wedding ring already removed, not a tear was shed. Following the service, not a salutation to the mourners, this obligation left to his family. These others were more concerned to get to the function at the sailing club, - when there, with behaviour more fitting to a wedding reception.
But then, how does one react when responsibility for this entire event happening is being experienced.
For we the true mourners that were there know your guilt, - you, not the driver of the lorry are responsible for killing him, guilty - for that is what you are, the day he died you would not let him have the car his car, your constant chiding of him, irrational moods, disparaging remarks of his family, his desperate need to seek solace away from you, anything to be away, the sailing club, work, St. John ambulance brigade work, and a secret he managed to keep all those years.
No, I the writer of this will not reveal, I was trusted with it, and do not break a trust, but suffice to say, It was I that was welcomed by all the family on the day, It was I that shed the tears, It was I that was embraced by the mother, sister, sister-in-law, brother-in-law, nieces & nephews, the names of all I knew. It was I that they were pleased to see, and tell of the past, unhappiness, misery and desolation that he my beloved suffered in your time together. It was I that wore his ring with pride, love and no guilt. For now, he is free, happy & at peace, I, unlike you went to see him prior to his committal.
You did not.
Who loved this man the greater
Sending you some very big hugs purplehat.
Have you thought about some flower essences to help you in your grief. Star of Bethlehem would be very helpful to you during this time.
Thank you Rosi, yes I had been taking Star of Bethlehem, but the bottle broke and I hadn't replaced it, I'm going to town tomorrow and shall pop into the health shop and get another one.
PH
3091 Thank you for sharing your story with me/us, my heart reaches out to you :hug:
PH
hi purple hat im sunrise sisterxxxxxxxxx
hi there purple hat.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
forgive me I missed your post my sister sunrise told me of your posting, and she mentioned I too have lost.. my husband died on dec 5th 2006 and he took his own life.. we were together 23yrs and have 2 beautiful boys now nearly 16 and 12.. my husband was 43.
I know how you feel I have to face his anniversary too in couple of weeks.. but i just wanted to say the world was a dark place for me for at least a year, and I did have and still have bouts on crying from the pit of my soul, I believe in angels and spirit and I ask my husband to give me strengh because I have really needed it as there is so much more to my story... but all I know is how much my husband loved me and the boys and wnen at times im low , I say to myself Im here and im going to get to the light at the end of the tunnel and it will all make sense andthe world will be a brighter place again.. and I have times of like magic happening when I know I can do it and i am doing it.. ask you husband to help you and give you strengh you will get thru this , let your self cry cry cry as every time it heals the soul. and believe me my soul was completley shattered.. me and the boys manage on our own more and have little times away..
A lot of the time its the shock and feelings of im in another world,and am I dreaming it still happens but I have come thru worst of grief,its so very painful I know. please feel to talk to me I do understand.
lots and lots of fairy and angel love to you
love fairytrishxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Thank you for sharing yr story with me Fairytrish, I have sent you a PM
PH