Still single

RE: Still single

Oh dear, you do sound down and I can understand how you feel, especially weddings, of course they make single people feel like aliens so you are not alone.

It also seems like you have met your fair share of frogs, we have to meet a few of them to weed out the princes, LOL.

I had a bad breakupand I was devastated, I felt my life fell apart and i was the most bitter person ever. I spent 16 months working on me, my future, my plans, what I wanted from life and loved being alone, but my friends could not understand why I did not want a man in my life. I was not ready. I tried to make myself ready to date in thenew year - my resolution was to start dating but I could not pull myself together enough even then. Then one dayin March, I was ready, joined an onlinedating agency - got out socially and have not looked back.

I am not sure if this helps you, but would you consider joining an online dating agency - you can chat in the comfort of your own home and see where that takes you, you get to meet like minded people, some with agendas of their own, but you weed those out and when you are ready to date these people - you do so in your own time.

There is nothing wrong with finally being ready to share your life with someone special.

This is not relevant - but what star sign are you?

HTH,

Hugs,

Lorraine

RE: Still single

Midget Gems:)

Don't feel too badly if you don't have the perfect mate just yet. Spend some quality time on yourself, pamper yourself.The perfect guy will come around when the time is right.

RE: Still single

Midget Gems,

What a nice name! X!

Maybe men sense the desperation for a relationship, and back off? There's nothing worse than that. Be yourself on your dates - don't come on too heavy - keep them at a fun level. Those who don't see you again after one date have their own insecurities, and you're better off without them. Being single is a time for you to get to know yourself, take time to travel and see the worlda little, gain some extra qualifications and suchlike. Marriage and family is much more fulfilling when you have lived a little. Embrace life each day is if it were your last. Your love and enthusiasm will shine out and attract men to you.

You won't always be single, dear Midget.

Love,
Patsy.
😀

RE: Still single

Midget Gems,

I forgot to say that being in a relationship is not the be-all-and-end-all in life. Far from it. There is so much more to do, especially now when women have much more opportunities than ever before.

Marriage can also be one of the most loneliest places on earth, so enter it very carefully.

Love,
Patsy.
😀

RE: Still single

Dear All,

Many thanks for your kind words...

Its a difficult situation as I do all the things that you have suggest....internet dating, travelled, done that exra qualification, joined clubs...enjoying myself yet I just never seem to met the right person.

Its ironic but I've been asked out by more people in the last 5 years than I have ever done in my entire life but its seems to always be by people that I'm not attracted to and after my previous experience, I'm very much..you don't mess with other peoples feelings or your own.

At the moment, alot of my single friends have got coupled up and it has made me feel very single and leftwondering why I've not met that someone special yet...... I can't be feel very aware of them holding hands etc and that making me feel not only jealous but lonely.

I know that everyone says that it will happen when you least expect it, from where you least expect it from but I have been in both situations and its never happened....

I don't know what the answer is but I am worried that I will become to closed off to the idea that i won't recognise it when it comes along......All i know at the moment is that I want to stop feeling low about it.....its haunting me at the moment and I can't seem to shift it.

Gemma.

P.s. I'm a saggitarian - although only just as I was born on 23rd November

RE: Still single

Hi Gemma

I can understand where you are with this one - I've been single for years, butwould like to think of myself a 'quite a catch'! I've seen loads of friends get settled into couples and married and some of those drift away. What I've noticed is that as friends couple up my social life then turns into a 'couples club' which can make it a very 'closed' environment (albeit a very cosy one).

I've found that I've had to keep my eye out for new single friends to keep that part of my life open. I'm not talking about finding people to go out on the pull (not my style) butjust being aware that it's good for me to be around other single people as well as couples. If your social life is getting to 'coupley' you might want to look at boosting the number of single friends you have.

I'm really choosy (probably way too choosy!) and I have no idea if or when I'll meet someone. Would life be better if I was in a relationship? Maybe. Maybe not. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it and until then I'll continue being okay being single. You're doing a lot of the good stuff and having fun, which is to be applauded. I've seen people go straight from their house to work and back again and rarely go out or do anything else,and then wonder why they don't meet anyone. You're certainly not in that camp, so it's just a matter of time. How can things be more okay or easier for you until he comes along?

Steve

RE: Still single

Steve,

Thanks for your response...

I think that what you say rings true...seeking out other new single friends etc.

Like I said in my previous post, I think that things are just really exacerbated at the moment with all the wedding etc and lots of my usual single friends coulping etc.....plus a bad dating experience where someone who appeared really keen and I took a chance on as he wasn't my usual type.....started off really well, he was very keen and then he just disappeared into the wood work although when I saw him at a running club that I met him through was still giving me "the eyes" as such.....felt very confused and frustrated...he never said a word despite being given the opportunity too many a time. Do still feel angry about it from time to time but guess taht I have to just put that one down to experience.

Am feeling more positive today though which is a good thing and can contribute all of your advice and words of encouragement from. Guess I will just have to be open and see what the future holds...

Thanks

Gemma

RE: Still single

Hi Midget,

Steve is right. Consider boosting your circle of single friends. Being single doesn't equate to being some sort of dork in the dating game. Most often it equals caution, especially in this age of throwaway marriages. Best to be left on the shelf than broken on the floor.

That bloke whom you met at your running club - it was his loss. Take no notice and wait for that 'special someone.' He is out there, and you will meet him one day.

Forget ordering a wedding dress and look to ordering a fab holiday instead!

Love,
Patsy.
😀

RE: Still single

I wonder if you would appreciate a bloke's perspective?I wonder ifthis is an issue about how you see yourself and how you viewsingledom?

Lots of people would love to be single, independent, and not tied downin arelationship.Why not try to think of it as an attractive way to live modern life rather than one that is being forced upon you by circumstance.

Forget that you've been single for five years and start concentrating on the good thoughts -you never know which bloke is round the corner do you, and you're single largely through choice becauseyou've been asked out by so many different people.

But you must start taking the initiative rather than waiting for prince charming to come riding by on his trusty charger!

As for the guy that disappeared into the wood work - is he seeing someone else?What have you got to lose by following himup?

Say you saw him at the club and got to thinking about him.How's he doing, if he's not with anyone does he fancy going out sometime for a coffee?

If youdon't ask, you don't get.It's better to hear him sayno-at leastyou'll be in the picture and you can apply your attention to someone who deserves it.

Blokes respect women that stand up for themselvesand we're pleasantly surprised when they do. We'remore likely to go on the backfoot than you are and not know what to say!Tell him you're not quite sure what happenedand you had fun together.

Don't be afraid of telling people you like them - maybe he's got issues he can't deal with. What if he's thinking about you and is scared of coming forward too because he thinks your the one being detached?

What vibe are you giving off - are you fun to be with, relaxed and happy, or is this issue clouding your real personality and sending out the wrong message?Once you put aside this feeling that you'll lose face or pride by taking the initiative, you will become a lot stronger.

Remember you are saving yourself for the right person and that'sa good way to bebut sometimes you have to take a chance in life - if you don't gamble, you'll never win anything...

RE: Still single

Same situation for me Gemmy! [:'(]I've had relationships on and off through my twenties but I never really felt connected to anyone I met. Like you I've joined clubs, travelled, studiedetc. all the things people recommend, not even particularly concentrating on meeting that 'special' person, just meeting new faces.

Like you, ALL my friends are paired up! Yes, all! If I do happen to meet someone interesting they are always paired up already 🙂
Earlier in this forum you'll see I've been having a few problems with envious thoughts ruining my life, and this has been a big part of it, everyone paired up and happy. I have my cousins wedding in December and yet again I'll be going to a wedding unattached with no prospect of meeting anyone there. That's going to be a tricky one to face - think I'll be drinking gallons of Holly Bach remedy to combat the negative thoughts about others happiness.

But I'm taking Startingtoheals advice - pampering and making the most of myself, and enjoying my time single as much as poss. I know I'll meet someone special eventually and would prefer it to to be in my 3rd decade of life! but would be happy for it to just happen whenever. Until then I'll carry on joining in, meeting new people and smiling at strangers.

Good luck, and I hope you're able to find peace and contentment within yourself. 😀

RE: Still single

Hi

Just wondering - do you have any idea why they might suddenly stop dating? I mean they start dating you so they must find you attractive in some way... so what makes them stop dating you? What habits do you have? What do you talk about during the date?

RE: Still single

Thanks for the blokes perspective...

As for the guy from my running club, I am pretty sure that he is not dating anyone else...... and I did attempt to re-open the channels of communication as such with him by emailing asking how his holiday was etc and asking him if he wanted a beer when I was buying a round in the pub but he has never taken the opportunity.

I hear what you are saying about taking the initiate and not waiting for Prince Charming but in my experience, if a guy is interested he will take opportunities...and he did beforehand and he is certainly not a shy guy.

I could ask him why directly but part of me feels as though that would be just completely wasting my time and my energy when how he has behaved has completely put me off. I don't really want to be with someone who does not even have the decency or the guts to just be honest and tell me that he is not interested....

I gambled on getting involved with him in the first place as he wasn't exactly my ideal choice but felt something there so I took a gamble...it didn't pay off this time

As for my vibe, most of my friends would describe me as a bubbly, friendly and fun person to be around.....i know that it may not sound like it over this but honestly....i am not like this all the time....this is somewhere that i can air all those crazy, illogical thoughts going around my head.

RE: Still single

Hi Darren,

To be honest, I have no idea and especially not with the most recent experience that I described. He was being very keen and quite tactile and I was just going along with it and then he just disappeared for 3 weeks and then when he returned...he said nothing to be despite as I have mentioned below my attempts to get him into conversation or some kind of two-way chat.

As for habits, I certainly don't sit there and pick my teeth or anything like that....I know that i can talk a fair bit but thats about it for bad habits I think. As for what I talk about on dates, I normally try to find out as much about the person as I can...what we have in common etc...ask questions about what their interests are etc....

So really, i am at a loss....most of my male friends say that they don't understand themselves but some think that i am too picky.....where i just think that there is no point forcing something or trying to feel something when its not there.

I don't think that there is any answer to be honest...its one of those things that I just have to just get on with, have as much fun as I can along the way...

thanks

Midget-gems

RE: Still single

Hi There,

2 questions for your:

1- How often do you provoque situations where you can meet people?

2- How much do you smile?

Smiling will make people confortable (unless you over-smile like a dork), but having a nice face, with a happy-go-luck attitude will make people comfortable. Then, get into places where there are people, or use meeting agencies, but mostly, smile, be pleasant. Forget even your own usual mask, and put another one. By keeping a happy attitude, even a fake one, you will attract someone of your level of beauty, wealth, lifestyle, and you can start having a relationship again. Keep this smiling attitude, and you'll notice in not so long, that it's not a mask anymore, that it only needed a push.

Once a conversation is started, be certain to make the person feel important. Making the other feel important is also answering about you from time to time, don' t make yourself less important, but be certain not to miss out on making the other important.

"Wow! This gentil smiling person made me feel comfortable and appreciate!" This is good.

"Wow! This fake smiling drok keeps throwing rotten flowers at me, yeak!" Don't over do-it, reamin sensible and pay attention. Be natural even when you force a smile.

RE: Still single

Dear Telecino,

Thanks for your response.

As for your questions, I think that I can quite safely say that I do smile enough and I definitely feel as though I get myself into situations where I can meet people.

Ask anyone of my friends and they would describe me as someone who is always friendly and easy to talk to.....I'm Social Secretary for both my company and my badminton club.

As for the conversation on a date per say..I always want to get to know a person so usually ask questions about what they are like etc...

I don't believe that I don't either smile enough or engage people in conversation in a way that doesn't make them feel important.

Maybe I am fussy...I don't know but what I do know is that I don't often meet people that I feel attracted too but love isn't meant to be common place is it so I guess that i just have to be patient and not give up, despite wanting to many times. Must admit to feeling a little down about it again recently as I have just found out that my ex-boyfriend has started dating someone else and plans onbringing them to our works Christmas Party......I do feel jealous that he has found someone but am happy for him at the same time....and its just made more difficult by the fact that we work in the same building....nevermind eh.

Anyway, thanks for your post...

All the best

Gemma

RE: Still single

Hi Midget

I'm ready to give up as I have only had one relationship that went past 6 mths and I'm going to be 33 next week! My last relationship ended quite badly and I'm now a single mum and have lost all faith in men and relationships.
I suppose thats why I came to HP cause I'm looking for a little faith healing.
Ido think where I have failed is I've tried to be the "nice" girlfriend but instead came across like a woss. I've found all the men I dated went for strong, confident women who can stand up to them. In my opinion women who treated them badly. So either I just went for the wrong men or men have a thing for b*t*hes. I have a friend who is very pretty and treats her men like dirt and they always come running. Not dumb men either but well educated, well travelled businessmen. It suprises me.

I do wish you the best of luck though. Cause I understand how you feel as all my friends are paired up to.