RE: Negative self talk

Break the cycle, know of the trigger that sets these thoughts in motion and replace it with a posotive

Everyone has Fat and Ugly days, when they wake up and look in the mirror and[sm=eeeK.gif][sm=hidesbehindsofa.gif][sm=mecry.gif]

Love
Ithar:)

RE: Negative self talk

Hi Ithar

Thanks for your reply, what you said makes sense about looking for a trigger. I know today wasn't a fat and ugly day and think I have pinpointed it to something. My friend (who I don't see regularly) had a small operation on Thursday and was due home from hospital the next day. I thought I'd wait until she was home and then visit her so I bought some flowers for her last night but then chickened out of going round because usually whenever I phone to pop round its never the right time. Anyway, I suppose I was feeling bad about not just phoning anyway and worrying about feeling rejected instead. I think I was being selfish thinking about my own feelings instead of hers.

Sandra
x

RE: Negative self talk

I think you'll find that although the fear of rejection was the 'obvious' reason for feeling down, beneath that will be a deeper issue about rejection which links to older rejection triggers.

Have you tried EFT at all? I've only done it a little but I find it very useful at such times, when I can instantly tackle the emotion, releasing it as well as getting clues about the underlying issues. There's plenty of info about it on these pages.

Meanwhile, why not go over to your friend's house with the flowers and tell her that you held off contacting her so she could rest and recover. Keeps her happy, and relieves the guilt!

BB
Lorraine

RE: Negative self talk

Hi Sebenny,

Hypnosis helped me with it 🙂

Wishes xx

RE: Negative self talk

Didn't think about using EFT on this!

Well, I did some EFT and the next thing I knew I was on the phone to my friend and asking her if I could pop over. She said she was very tired but it was ok to go round so I took the flowers for her and we had a nice little chat for about an hour. I'm feeling a lot better this evening compared to earlier. Thanks.

Sandra
x

RE: Negative self talk

or could you say that you hesitated/delayed for fear of intruding at a private time? could you be disatisfied with yourself for not being direct with this person for whom it's often not convenient to engage? sorry if that's miles out, & do protect yourself x

RE: Negative self talk

hi sandra 😀

i'm a natural born pessimist who can bring themselves down verryy quickly with negative thoughts about the way i look etc and it has only been in the last year where i have been able to control these negative feelings of self worth by counteracting it with a positive one, and also doing little things to make me feel good about myself- for example i give myself a pedicure and paint my toenails.

my friend came up with a very good statement- improving your self worth should be as regular as brushing your teeth. whenever i feel down about myself ( which is often!) i snap out of it by either making an extra effort to look presentable to the world ( but there are days where all my clothes end up on the floor and i STILL, in my mind look horrible!) or remind myself that keeping a positive mind will cancel out the effects of a negative one. the latter was very hard going at first, but in time i have got accustomed to this way of thinking.

another thing that i do is have a positive support group with a friend where we email our goals for the week and give positive affirmations to each other where we share our experiences and give tips. there is a book i have read which is very good by fiona harrold. i can't remember the exact title but it is bright orange and i borrowed mine from the library. she is a life coach but the the book covers lots of topics.

warm wishes- calla lily x

RE: Negative self talk

Yes I could not think of the therapy of hand NLP works wonders

Love
Ithar:)

RE: Negative self talk

ORIGINAL: reikirabbit

or could you say that you hesitated/delayed for fear of intruding at a private time?

Yes. Thinking about it, this is very true. I did feel that I would be intruding as I knew her husband and daughter would be taking care of her.

ORIGINAL: calla lily

there is a book i have read which is very good by fiona harrold. i can't remember the exact title but it is bright orange and i borrowed mine from the library.

Thanks for the reminder. I'd forgotten that I'd bought a Fiona Harrold book ages ago so I hunted through my bookcase for it. Its called "Reinvent yourself". It mentions her other book "Be your own life coach". I think I will work through my book again as I wasn't ready for it last year.

Thanks for all these great replies, it has really helped.

Sandra
x

RE: Negative self talk

Hi Sandra,

I too think NLP could help you with this and a trigger is a good point to start. I would now be looking at the first experience of rejection you ever experienced.

As an NLP practioner I would be happy to guide you through this either on this thread or by PM/Mail.

Love & Light
XXXXXXXXXX

RE: Negative self talk

how do you work on experiences that may not be conciously remembered? i've wondered this with respect to EFT too.

RE: Negative self talk

Hi Survivor

Actually, there are several experiences of rejection that I can remember from the age of 5 onwards and I think the first one would be when my younger sister was born. One incident at that time was a definite feeling of rejection, but another incident is probably more a feeling of abandonment. Would this be classed as a form of rejection?

I would very much like to take you up on your kind offer to help me using NLP and I don't mind using this thread for that, although I have PM'd you with my e-mail address anyway. Many thanks.

Sandra
x

RE: Negative self talk

(((((((Sandra)))))))

It is my pleasure!

The times you have mentioned are significant and your reference to a feeling of abandonment is something that you may want to address.

First of all we need to come flying back to the present and the resent episode, when you experienced the negative self talk.

I would ask you to look at the facts again and then answer a question if you don't mind.

The facts where that your freind had recently come out of hospital and was tired.
Would it be likely that she may not of wanted to see ANYONE after coming out of hospital or did you think it would just be you she didn't want to see?

Love & Light
XXXXXXXX

RE: Negative self talk

Hi Survivor

Having thought about it I think she wouldn't have wanted to see anyone. The main thing going through my head was that I thought it was a way to show her I cared, but then that led onto thinking about all the other times I have tried to visit her but it was never the right time. It all got a bit muddled up then and so I didn't do anything the first evening but it bothered me that I didn't feel confident about phoning up!

Incidentally, she pops in to see me unanounced whenever she feels the need, any time, any day. I can't understand why I don't feel comfortable doing the same.

Sandra
x

RE: Negative self talk

((((((Sandra)))))

You did so much work last night my love you are a strong lady with all the resources to turn the volume down on this negative chat.

LOVE & LIGHT
XXXXXXXXXX

RE: Negative self talk

Survivor

Thanks so much for your help. Something quite dramatic has happened. I feel as though I am in a different groove, like on a record. Its difficult to describe but its as though I can see my 'old' life going along in the next groove but its not where I am any more and better still I can't actually get to it anyway.

I have started a journal and am going to do a lot more inner child work as you suggested. Had a wonderful meeting with my inner child yesterday. I felt nervous approaching her because I could sense she was kind of emotionally closed up and she was very wary, but we had a lovely chat and I know now I have to visit her regularly. It was a lovely feeling at the end, really positive. Thanks.

Sandra
x

RE: Negative self talk

(((((Sandra)))))

Hope you are going from strength to strength

Love & Light
XXXXXXXXX

RE: Negative self talk

Sandra, have you tried any of Louise Hay's books? They're internationally acclaimed classics and absolutely brilliant for all aspects of positive thinking.

RE: Negative self talk

Hi Azalia

No I haven't read any of Louise Hay's books yet but I did buy her subliminal confidence and self-esteem affirmation cd earlier in the year. I listened to it regularly but then got sidetracked doing other things (sometimes just don't have enough hours to fit everything in - I need to be a bit more organised and plan my time better really). I would like to try it again as I am now keeping a journal so it would be easier to see at a glance if things are improving. Thanks for the suggestion about the books.

Sandra
x

RE: Negative self talk

Hi Sebenny and everyone in this discussion. I know exactly how you feel Sebenny and reading your post I could burse into tears. I put myself down all the time and feel very nervous and anxious at the moment and want to lock myself away. I worry all the time what other people think of me to the extent that it make my stomach have knots in it. Feeling like this stops me doing so many things. I would like to volunteer to do some massage in a local hospice and someone on HP kindly gave me BBC website where you can volunteer. I looked at it yesterday and it sounds good but I just cannot bring myself to register for fear they will contact me and I will not be able to cope.

Although I cannot afford to see a Life Coach can you tell me what the difference is between NLP and EFT.

As regards reading books I am just in the middle of Low Self Esteen by Gael Lindenfield which I had my head in most of yesterday. I have Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway. I seem to spend a lot of money on books but don't seem to progress.

Sorry for been a burden on a Monday morning but I am fed up of feeling like this and I am sure my family are fed up of hearing me although they don't say it.

RE: Negative self talk

Hi Rose,

Keep reading the self help books, even if you think they are not working. They are probably working on a subconscious level and you aren't even noticing. Eventually your way of thinking will change and after a while you will be able to look back and see a marked change in your behaviour.

As for the difference between NLP and EFT, NLP is "neuro linguistic programming" and although I did go on a workshop recently, i couldn't really tell you what it's all about except that it is a different way of learning to think. EFT has something to do with tapping on points of the body I believe. I'm sure there will be others who will be able to advise you.

As for the voluntary work - it sounds like a great idea. Sit down and list the worst things that could happen if you did go through with it. Then sit and list all the postives that could come out of it. once you are prepared for the worst case scenario,you know whatyou are dealing with and it helps us to realise that we can cope with whatever life throws at us.

As for your family being fed up with hearing about your life - I'm sure they're not. They love you and want to see you happy. Please remember though, that only you can makeYOU happy. It's really important to give yourself time and love and take small steps forward. Don't beat yourself up because you are frightened of the big steps, just concentrate on little steps forward and keep being positive. [sm=hug.gif]

RE: Negative self talk

Thanks Jade - I have signed up for the voluntary work and they are going to send me a pack with places in my area that are looking for volunteers. I spent my day off reading, and getting lots of help and info from HP. I then found a lovely little book that I bought years ago that I am going to use to put notes in as well as affirmations. I then took my self for a walk in the local park to get some sunshine to perk me up. I am going to try and take one little step at a time instead of like you say beating myself up and feeling that I am a failure.

Love and best wishes and thanks for you reply.

RE: Negative self talk

I'm glad you're feeling a bit stronger. 🙂

I wish you all the best with your voluntary work - if you do go through with it, it will give your confidence a huge boost.

x

RE: Negative self talk

Rose

I would agree with Jade that the books you have read are probably working on a subconcious level. I have read many over the years and have taken a little bit from each one. Sometimes you can buy a book that you feel you need at the time only to find that you're not quite ready for it yet and you go back to it at a later date. I had bought a few life coaching style books a while ago but then realised I first needed to work on a few other issues before I could really get the full benefit from the self coaching books. I believe that everything you read helps you in some way, sometimes it could be in a very subtle way.

Sandra
x

RE: Negative self talk

Rose

I keep stumbling accros your posts on different threads!

Congratulations on making the first step re: volunteering. Well done you! I love the idea of writing your affirmations and notesin a book. I'm sure it will be an interesting record of how you grow over the next few months. Small steps will become strides soon enough.

Best Wishes,

Helen

RE: Negative self talk

I was very much like yourself, I started reading Dawn Breslin book zest for life, this book is easy to follow and understand, not like some on the market these days. This is my favourite book, and will always be. I bought mine from [link= http://www.amazon.co.uk ]www.amazon.co.uk[/link]

Good luck and take good care.xx

RE: Negative self talk

Thanks everyone for your kind advice. It really is appreciated.