In your view what is a doormat or doormat behaviour ?
I think anyone has potential to be like this at some point in their lives.
In your view what is a doormat or doormat behaviour ?
I think anyone has potential to be like this at some point in their lives.
Letting someone walk all over you, i.e. having no clear boundaries and so people can impinge on your own space. There is a danger in nice, gentle people (e.g. often these are people pleasers) that their passive, overly receptive behaviour opens them up to being abused by others - taking advantage of their good nature. For example, say someone wants to borrow something of yours that is precious and you would rather they didn't take it, being unable to say no.
Interesting. Sometimes I have done that but other times I've said no.
There was a problem in a shared home once and my mate stormed in my room and had a go at me holding me responsible. She was quite upset with the situation. I then passed the buck as realistically it wasn't my fault.
Did this person overstep my boundaries ?
Sorry to bang on but I'm trying to ascertain boundaries and I enjoy talking about it 🙂
This is very interesting - the letting go.
I've been doing a lot of this over the last few years. Trying to let go and detach and it does seem to be working ;-p
Realistically in a perfect world it would be nice to have clear-cut boundaries all the time I guess but I don't think it's always possible.
We are not perfect.
Interesting. Sometimes I have done that but other times I've said no.
There was a problem in a shared home once and my mate stormed in my room and had a go at me holding me responsible. She was quite upset with the situation. I then passed the buck as realistically it wasn't my fault.
Did this person overstep my boundaries ?
Sorry to bang on but I'm trying to ascertain boundaries and I enjoy talking about it 🙂
Without knowing more about the situation, it would be hard to assess it. What was she upset about?
People who are overly passive, i.e. not assertive have not created boundaries in the first place. I hope that this is not the case with yourself.
Realistically in a perfect world it would be nice to have clear-cut boundaries all the time I guess but I don't think it's always possible.
We are not perfect.
I agree but having boundaries on what is important to you shows where you want to be respected. It's not like you need to spell things out exactly but just to ensure that people know what matters to you.
Well a person who was sent by the homeowner went through her room to fix a problem.
Girl in question got very angry when she went into her room and found him there. She automatically thought I was responsible and attacked me.
Some of the housekeeping stuff got lumped onto me because I'd known the home owner for a long time but it still didn't warrant an attack I don't reckon. This might not be anything to do with boundaries.
I wonder what passive means ?? hahaha
I let my ex partner push me about a few times, a few work bosses shout in my face and have a go at me constantly. I had a friend tell me off once about how I was living my life and the choices I wanted to make even when it was something simple like buying a bottle of shampoo. She even said to me at the time - 'Why are you being so passive?'. I found it a little interferring and it makes me want to keep people at a distance sometimes.
My parents have physically and verbally attacked me occassionally.
I've never really said anything.
Lately I have started having a go at people and telling them off about how they are which they're not quite enjoying very much.
It's probably not ideal but they need to hear it.
I'm not moaning and complaining though as I've seen so many other people go through these sorts of things.
Now I'm recollecting these memories I'm thinking damn uhhhhh doormat ??????
Well a person who was sent by the homeowner went through her room to fix a problem.
Girl in question got very angry when she went into her room and found him there. She automatically thought I was responsible and attacked me.
Some of the housekeeping stuff got lumped onto me because I'd known the home owner for a long time but it still didn't warrant an attack I don't reckon. This might not be anything to do with boundaries.
As you surmise, this is not really about boundaries. It is about wrong assumptions! I hope she gave you an apology for jumping the gun (considering it had nothing to do with you). I don't know whose 'job' it was to brief her that her room would need to be entered to fix the problem - that is where the area of responsibility rests, in my view.
I wonder what passive means ?? hahaha
I let my ex partner push me about a few times, a few work bosses shout in my face and have a go at me constantly. I had a friend tell me off once about how I was living my life and the choices I wanted to make even when it was something simple like buying a bottle of shampoo. She even said to me at the time - 'Why are you being so passive?'. I found it a little interferring and it makes me want to keep people at a distance sometimes.
My parents have physically and verbally attacked me occassionally.
I've never really said anything.Lately I have started having a go at people and telling them off about how they are which they're not quite enjoying very much.
It's probably not ideal but they need to hear it.I'm not moaning and complaining though as I've seen so many other people go through these sorts of things.
Now I'm recollecting these memories I'm thinking damn uhhhhh doormat ??????
Being passive is not actively responding or resisting what takes place - giving others free rein to ride roughshod over you....does that sound familiar? I used to be like that - thankfully, no more! I will not tolerate being abused at all now.
Maybe now that you are expressing yourself, you are not finding the middle ground and so the words are coming out in an explosive way? There are tactful ways to get your needs met without alienating yourself from the person you are talking to....this is what self assertion is all about. (You don't need to do a course/go to classes, i.e. there are books on it - for instance, your local library should have some or perhaps there is stuff online).
I see.
Actually now I recollect she did skirt around the issue the next time we met saying she was stressed or something. I can't fully remember.
Ultimately I reckon it's the homeowner but things did get left up to me sometimes but I have my own things to sort out.
I think you're right - assumptions, assumptions. Like many other misunderstandings that happen between people. At least it wasn't too serious.
That does make a lot of sense thank you.
I think if you're not totally aware though sometimes you don't realise.
There we go back to AWARENESS again
yayyyyyy
That does make a lot of sense thank you.
I think if you're not totally aware though sometimes you don't realise.
There we go back to AWARENESS again
yayyyyyy
Yes awareness is key - the first step to solving an issue whichever route you take!
So .... to wrap this up, in a nutshell the friend who I felt dominated me and got over-aggressive was sent my way so that I learnt to stand up for myself ??