As a life coach I often think I should just be able to coach myself. This, of course, is magical thinking.
I love my husband dearly, and he is very good to me. Sadly he suffers from anxiety which makes it difficult for us to go out and socialize as a couple. I usually end up going out on my own, which is okay, but I was single until my late 40's and would love to have the "couple experiences" I missed out on.
I'm always looking for ideas on how to help someone during an anxiety attack, so if I'd welcome any ideas or website links that others have found helpful.
I suppose mostly I just want to stop feeling so alone in dealing with this.
Glad I found this forum!
As a life coach I often think I should just be able to coach myself. This, of course, is magical thinking.
I love my husband dearly, and he is very good to me. Sadly he suffers from anxiety which makes it difficult for us to go out and socialize as a couple. I usually end up going out on my own, which is okay, but I was single until my late 40's and would love to have the "couple experiences" I missed out on.
I'm always looking for ideas on how to help someone during an anxiety attack, so if I'd welcome any ideas or website links that others have found helpful.
I suppose mostly I just want to stop feeling so alone in dealing with this.
Glad I found this forum!
So as a life coach, how would you respond to a client who said the above to you? Flip this situation as one of your client's and try to look at it from that perspective...maybe that will emotionally detach you enough to look at it from outside the frame so to speak. You are in the frame, so you cannot self coach. And that's quite alright
You are trying to make up for what you think you 'missed out'. This thought has Highjacked your mind...thereby augmenting the feeling of 'missing out'. Because that's what couples are 'supposed to do' - be together, hold hands, be life of party, doing the coupling thing....it is an idea that has managed to make itself very important in your hierarchy of needs.
Realistically speaking, you have got a kind, loving person. That matters the most. Mind will not let you settle, it will keep putting spanner in the works, by concentrating on what's imperfect. It is good at making things wrong, even the right ones....such is the spin of mind....veering on the negative.
Your husband needs a stable solid, loving kindness, as do you. As you relax, you start to noticec that all vital priorities are already met... socializing ....comes way behind those that are already met.
He is anxious. You are anxious about how to help him...how to socialize more and better....
People don't need help, they need love. Total acceptance for who they are, Allowing them to be who they are... is love. Help is aSubtle agenda to bend and mould people to one's own liking...help is interference.
Start relaxing into the perfectness of that gentle soul, of your lovely partnership....you will find small incongrencies will melt away and draw you closer together
Love
By anxiety attacks I assume you mean panic attacks since these involve extreme anxiety? If so...
http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/pages/coping-with-panic-attacks.aspx
As a life coach I often think I should just be able to coach myself. This, of course, is magical thinking.
I love my husband dearly, and he is very good to me. Sadly he suffers from anxiety which makes it difficult for us to go out and socialize as a couple. I usually end up going out on my own, which is okay, but I was single until my late 40's and would love to have the "couple experiences" I missed out on.
Jnani has some helpful tips on this aspect. As a therapist we often over think and have high expectations of ourselves. How does his anxiety manifest? Can he overcome it at all? What triggers it? Think about these points then see where we can all help, that is of course if that is what he wants?
I'm always looking for ideas on how to help someone during an anxiety attack, so if I'd welcome any ideas or website links that others have found helpful.
I have found Lyrica to be very very good at helping GAD, then things like Rescue Remedy and Bach Flower Remedies. Also things like essential oils especially Neroli and Ylang Ylang. Crystals - see if he resonates with any then maybe get him a bead bracelet, depending on what aspect of anxiety, perhaps a simple Rose Quartz, or if it is more fear based then a Black Obsidian, but really need a little digging first to fnd out more of what the 'anxiety' is made up of and what triggers and causes etc 🙂
I suppose mostly I just want to stop feeling so alone in dealing with this.
Glad I found this forum!
You are not alone!!! We are a very helpful bunch, so welcome xxx
So as a life coach, how would you respond to a client who said the above to you? Flip this situation as one of your client's and try to look at it from that perspective...maybe that will emotionally detach you enough to look at it from outside the frame so to speak. You are in the frame, so you cannot self coach. And that's quite alright
You are trying to make up for what you think you 'missed out'. This thought has Highjacked your mind...thereby augmenting the feeling of 'missing out'. Because that's what couples are 'supposed to do' - be together, hold hands, be life of party, doing the coupling thing....it is an idea that has managed to make itself very important in your hierarchy of needs.
Realistically speaking, you have got a kind, loving person. That matters the most. Mind will not let you settle, it will keep putting spanner in the works, by concentrating on what's imperfect. It is good at making things wrong, even the right ones....such is the spin of mind....veering on the negative.Your husband needs a stable solid, loving kindness, as do you. As you relax, you start to noticec that all vital priorities are already met... socializing ....comes way behind those that are already met.
He is anxious. You are anxious about how to help him...how to socialize more and better....
People don't need help, they need love. Total acceptance for who they are, Allowing them to be who they are... is love. Help is aSubtle agenda to bend and mould people to one's own liking...help is interference.
Start relaxing into the perfectness of that gentle soul, of your lovely partnership....you will find small incongrencies will melt away and draw you closer together
Love
There are some very good reminders here, thank you. I've never been an overly conventional person, and doing the couple thing wasn't much of a priority. I suppose I would just like to feel relaxed when social obligations arise, and not worry. That is definitely something I CAN take control of, as I know I can't control his anxiety.
Great words, thank you!
By anxiety attacks I assume you mean panic attacks since these involve extreme anxiety? If so...
Very interesting article. My spouse doesn't have panic attacks per se, his anxiety manifests more as extreme frustration. I do try to remind him to focus on breathing. He has told me that does help. Thanks for the link.
Jnani has some helpful tips on this aspect. As a therapist we often over think and have high expectations of ourselves. How does his anxiety manifest? Can he overcome it at all? What triggers it? Think about these points then see where we can all help, that is of course if that is what he wants?
You are not alone!!! We are a very helpful bunch, so welcome xxx
Yes, one great lesson I've learned from this is to recognize that I have a tendency to expect perfection from myself, and a tendency to take responsibility for everything. Leftover from having a younger sibling with special needs and a long career as a special education teacher. Caregiving can be an addiction.
He has a few triggers, social situations, and low tolerance for making mistakes. He's getting better about overcoming them, but sometimes we can see them coming and sometimes they sneak up on him. Thanks for letting me share. I appreciate the warm welcomes!