White Doves, do not be ashamed! We all have our faults, unlike a lot of people you have taken the brave step of recognising one of yours for what it is and you are trying to work on it, which is reason to be very pleased with yourself!
You are already whole
Hello White Doves,
Ive been reading through this thread and I dont think anyone has yet mentioned the unifying and healing basis of all true relationships and that is spirituality.
Now, I dont know how you think or what you believe, but the whole meaning and purpose of life is actually about spirituality. Let me give you an example: when you are reading a book, what are you actually doing? From a materialistic point of view, what you are doing is staring at ink dots on wood pulp. But from a spiritual point of view, you are reading ideas!
So what is love? One thing I can tell you about it is that you can only ever give it away, you can never grab it or possess it. However, like with a butterfly, if you sit very still, it will alight on you, while if you try to catch it, it will fly away.
Now you talk a lot about your body, your size, your looks etc. Does anyone actually love a material structure made up of bones, muscles, organs and flesh? If that was so, then we would be wholly content and satisfied living in a mortuary with dead bodies!
Looks and size have nothing whatsoever to do with our inherent value and true worth. What we love about others are their SPIRITUAL qualities their kindness, honesty, trustworthiness, unselfishness, sense of humour, grace, gentleness, etc etc. Now, something that would help you very much, would be to sit down with a notepad and write down all the spiritual qualities that you would like to live with, or be married to. When youve done that, have a look at those qualities and then live them in your own life every day and what a change will come over your whole thought and experience!
Mary Baker Eddy, a spirituality author who I quote in my signature wrote: Look away from the body into Truth and Love, the Principle of all happiness, harmony, and immortality. Hold thought steadfastly to the enduring, the good, and the true, and you will bring these into your experience proportionably to their occupancy of your thoughts. (Science and Health 261)
Do you realise that the source of your spirituality is infinite and eternal? That means that you are already whole and complete, that you do not need another half to make you whole. You have within you all the womanhood and manhood qualities that make you the beautiful, joyful, complete spiritual idea that you always have been and always will be. When we each grasp our true spiritual identity and realise this, (understanding our eternal relationship with the divine) then all our human relationships will move into harmony and mutual trust and appreciation.
This is enough for today. I have lots more to share, but only if youd like me to write more. But I hope this has started to make you think above and beyond the limiting darkness. You are not a nightmare, you are a shining ray of light and love and so is your boyfriend! 🙂
Love and peace,
Judy