A year and a bit on from this
when i thought we were getting somewhere and had plans to live together on our own again, my hubbie has told me yesterday that he wants to leave me.
He's gone to stay with his parents in the midlands this afternoon, will be back on Sunday, then is moving to a friends in London on Sunday.
He has been in councelling that he called marriage guidance. I only really thought about this today but surely we both should have been in councelling together for our marriage. He has done lots of thinking and working out what he needed for our relationship to work and he told me he said how he felt thigns needed to change and that I didn't do anything.
I thought he meant within me, I have depression, I've not been on tablets (I am now as of this morning as I am in pieces), I can be as he calls it "spikey" but I thought I was doing really well, gaining confidence and trying to be the equal partner that he wanted.
He wanted me to be more active in the house, we live with Mum and it's a tip as we all have far too much stuff, and I did do things, just not enough.
We've been together 11 years and married for 5 and a bit. I hurt SO much I fear my heart will stop working.
I've felt so very very low that I had to go to the doctors before it all got out of hand.
He has said, after I spoke to him yesterday that he has to move out, but maybe we can see how things go and we'll end up back together and have the family we always dreamed about. But what if he is just letting me down gently and getting me used to him being away.
No job, no husband, no point in anything at the moment. And, my mum (we live with her) is in the middle of her radiotheraoy treatment....
I can't help feeling that we haven't tried everything to make it work, althogh he says he tried for years. You can't say much to that really...
RE: In two weeks I've lost my job and my husband has left me and I'm losing my sanity I fear
Gosh, I don't know what to say, but I want you to know that I heard everyword you said and completely validate the way you feel right now.
(((HUGS))) to you. everything is so raw for you at the moment, so draw on whatever you can to bring you a little inner peace and comfort, no matter what it is.
Please don't try and change yourself - no one is worth that. You need to be loved unconditionally for WHO YOU ARE.
Holding you in a vision of strength and joy,
Amethyst x
RE: In two weeks I've lost my job and my husband has left me and I'm losing my sanity I fear
May you soon see your new path. May the dust and debris settle, and your eyes fall upon a beautiful dream come true.
[sm=hug.gif]
Love,
Gayle
RE: In two weeks I've lost my job and my husband has left me and I'm losing my sanity I fear
It is difficult and scary, whether you have left someone or they have left you. The one thing you will be feeling is shock, it is a huge thing for anyone to come to terms with, I split with my husband just over two years ago. You will find strength, it will be small things each day and each day you will get stronger. I could go on and on about various things that happened to me but YOU are the important person right now. Believe in yourself and you will come through this. [sm=hug.gif]
RE: In two weeks I've lost my job and my husband has left me and I'm losing my sanity I fear
I am so very sorry to hear of this NS, my heart goes out to you ... SorryI have no practical advice that I can offer you, I can only send my love and best wishes. [sm=hug.gif]
I'm thinking of you very much. xxxx
RE: In two weeks I've lost my job and my husband has left me and I'm losing my sanity I fear
I couldn't access your link, but it doesn't really matter in the here and now.
I have been where you are now, feeling that you're finally getting somewhere just in time to have the rug pulled from beneath your feet. I also lost both my job and my husband in a very short space of time, and boy does it hurt!
It may be difficult to believe right now, but you will come through this, and believe it or not you will be a stronger person. But you won't believe it right now - I know because I didn't believe it when someone said the same to me. But believe this - when you've hit rock bottom, you can't go any further, the only way from there is back up out of this black pit, back into the sunshine. For some people that takes a matter of weeks, for others it can take months, for others it may be a year or two, but we all manage it in the end. And you will manage it too.
Don't deny how you're feeling right now, allow yourself to feel that hurt and that grief and express it......then when you're done, let it go. Do you have friends you can talk to? Is your mum supportive? When you're ready, ask your doctor about counselling - there will probably be a waiting list, but get yourself on to it. Take one day at a time, and if that's too much, half a day at a time, and if that's too much, take one hour at a time.
You know we're all here for you.
With love,
Amber
P.S. Look at your signature - it's true, despite our fear in the darkest of times, we can all fly although some of us need a little push sometimes. Maybe the universe is telling you something.
RE: In two weeks I've lost my job and my husband has left me and I'm losing my sanity I fear
HI
I'm so sorry to hear about your situation at the moment. I am really drawn to pulling an Angel card for you - in times of trouble they have helped me view things more positively. I hope thuis won't be viewed as insensitive by you. My thoughts are to help.
I drew the Power card for you. You now allow yourself to express your power. Being powerful is safe for you, knowing that you express your power with love.
You have all the Power of your Creator within you. All the power of Divine Love, wisdom, and intelligence is available to you. You have the spiritual power to see angels and the future. You have intellectual power to tap into the universal wisdom of the One Mind. You have emotional power to empathize with others and physical power that is truly unlimited.
The angels ask you to give them any fears you may have connected with being a powerful person. Your angels see a quiet and beautiful aspect of your true power, stemming from the only power in the universe. Divine love. Allow yourself to shine with this radiant love so that your true power can radiate out into the world in miraculous ways.
You must be strong now as you can and will get over this and be more powerful and strong than ever. Don't give up hope darling.
Love and light
Sharon x
RE: In two weeks I've lost my job and my husband has left me and I'm losing my sanity I fear
[sm=hug.gif][sm=hug.gif][sm=hug.gif]I am so so sorry to read this, I know it's hard to realise now but as everyone else has already said, bit by bit, day by day you will get through this & get stronger, keep kicking Nicky...I know how painful this must be for you right now, I remember how it was when I get made redundant then by accident discovered my husband was being a real sh!t behind my back and it really really hurt...you need to stay strong, you're a very special person in you own right....in a few years you'll be telling someone else the same...you will get through this and when you're feeling wobbly theres so many of us here for you[sm=hug.gif]
Take care
Love & big hugs
Amy
xxx
RE: In two weeks I've lost my job and my husband has left me and I'm losing my sanity I fear
I don't know if this will help, but I have been in a similar situation. I won't go into the details as there is no need to point fingers or blame anyone. The thing is, at the time, I thought my life was over and I contemplated suicide many times in that dark period. I thought she was my soulmate and the one I would die with. I would have given my life for her, too. However, now that I look back on it, I am glad she left me. My life is much better without her and my future looks much more rosy. So hang in there. As they say, everything happens for a reason.
All the best.
RE: In two weeks I've lost my job and my husband has left me and I'm losing my sanity I fear
I'm so, so sorry to see how much you are suffering at the moment. You already have had wonderful words from the others so please listen to them and accept a very big loving hug from me. Be loving to yourself at every opportunity and know we are all here for you.
Love and light
reikiangel
xxx
RE: In two weeks I've lost my job and my husband has left me and I'm losing my sanity I fear
Thank you all so much for your loving support.
Darren, if it wasn't for the fact that my dad took his own life and I know how those left behind feel in the aftermath, I would gladly go as my Tom is my world and he doesn't want me in his life anymore. If I could go without my Mum and sister (sorry Jo if you are reading this as I know it's hard to hear your sister say these things) and Tom suffering I would gladly and it is SO hard to fight the thoughts that come.
It is really over. He said it's too late. He gave me lists of things in the past, the most recent being a few weeks ago, which he needed me to do, mostly housework-type things and he says I didn't do them but I did what I could and didn't understand that I had a deadline by which if I didn;t do them under my own steam then he would be leaving. I really didn;t understand and now it's too late and the only thing that has kept me on this planet for the past 11 years doesn't want me in hisl ife anymore.
To hear him say it is too late hurts so very much as I still believe he is the one and that it could all have been worked through if only I had understood at the time.
After the initial blow-up (I don't know what you call it) a year and a bit ago I thoguht we were doing OK and I guess I relaxed when really I should have gone great guns from that moment on and not listened to my depression and just concentrated on making Tom happy. Ironically that is all I have ever wanted and now it's all over and he's going and I am here with my Mum and two cats and no job and no feelings that can carry me through to get another job to prove to him that I can be what he needs me to be. I know I can be, I just needed more time as I was gettting there, but I have run out of time andit hurts so very badly.
RE: In two weeks I've lost my job and my husband has left me and I'm losing my sanity I fear
Hi NS,
I really don't know what to say or what words of advice to offer. There is always two sides to a story but from what you are saying your husband sounds like a s**t (and I know you don't want to hear that) but you shouldn't have to jump through hoops all the time to keep him. He should love you and want to be with you for who you are and not want to make you someone else.
You are worthy of lot more than being made to feel like your not good enough in some way. I know that the world feels very dark, and it may take a long time but one day you will feel the sunshine again.
Love & Light
Laura
RE: In two weeks I've lost my job and my husband has left me and I'm losing my sanity I fear
Oh Laura he really isn't a you know what, even though it may read like that. Living with someone with depression is bad enough, I know, my Dad had it too, but i wasn't on any medication for years, and I know it was hard for him and all I could see was how hard it was for me and didn't I do well not being on medication.
I've just a friend text me saying how dare he give me a list and how wrong that was and that i am fabulous with faults and problems like everyone else. But he was trying to tell me what he felt was wrong in our relationship and what we, or OK I, needed to do to change it and I didn't do it or at least in his eyes I didn't even try.
RE: In two weeks I've lost my job and my husband has left me and I'm losing my sanity I fear
Dear Naivetys Star,
Like everyone here, my heart just goes out to you, precious one. It must be obvious to you that your friends here on HP, as well as your family and friends, love you and value your life. Suicide is never the answer, as we only take our problems with us.
You’ve had some wonderful, loving and wise replies here, but I’d just like to add a little more. Even though you feel that you in a dark tunnel right now, there really is light at the other end, it’s just that you can’t see it yet. What you are going through is not even touching your real spiritual selfhood. It’s a bit like if you imagine yourself standing in front of a mirror and someone has just smeared mud all over your reflection. You have a choice to either feel dirty, abused, violated, hurt, or you can turn back to your original that has never been touched. Your spiritual original can never lose anything that is real and good and once you really understand this, then everything on the human plane will move into harmony.
As we all find out, sooner or later, when we look to a person to find happiness and fulfillment we're never going to be assured of it. Love, happiness, satisfaction and fulfillment are not dependent on persons, places or things. They are spiritual and come from within. You can't acquire love, you can only give it.
We need to know ourselves, not as one half, needing another half to make us complete and whole, but as already complete, expressing both the manhood and womanhood, the mothering and fathering qualities like strength, wisdom, courage, firmness, balanced with gentleness, intuition, compassion, flexibility etc.
Don’t despair – comfort and love are nearer than you think. We all have one great relationship which is always there, never lets us down, never hurts us, never judges, always maintains our innocence. This one great relationship is eternal. It cherishes us, loves us unconditionally and unfailingly, it comforts, binds up our wounds, supplies all our needs and guides us tenderly in the right path. This one permanent relationship is our unbreakable relationship with the tender, loving God, divine Love. Love is the core of our being. To feel this truth and to know it, we just have to listen to the sacred voice that calls us the "Beloved".
"Being the Beloved expresses the core truth of our existence... We are intimately loved long before our parents, teachers, spouses, children and friends loved or wounded us ...
Listening to that voice with great inner attentiveness, I hear at my centre words that say: 'I have called you by name, from the very beginning. You are mine and I am yours ... on you my favour rests. I have moulded you in the depths of the earth and knitted you together in your mother's womb. I have carved you in the palms of my hands and hidden you in my embrace... You belong to me. I am your father, your mother, your brother, your sister, your lover and your spouse...yes, even your child...wherever you are I will be. Nothing will ever separate us. We are one."
Henri Nouven, Life of the Beloved
Allow yourself to feel that Love surrounding you - today and always! You are innocent and you are dearly loved!
Hugs,
Judy
PS When you feel up to it, this article from is helpful too:
He broke my heart and stole my name -- but not my faith
RE: In two weeks I've lost my job and my husband has left me and I'm losing my sanity I fear
But no-one is perfect and depression is an illness in the same way that MS or Cancer are, and I am sure that if you were suffering from one of these your husband would not of given you lists of things that you had to achieve in order to hang onto him. What are his faults ~ he must have some?
For you to have lived so long without medication for your depression is a wonderful achievement, can he not see that, you have had to work harder than most to ahieve the little things each day ~ do you really need lists and deadlines to show you what you are not achieveing? You sound like a very special person who deserves more within a relationship, than trying to jump through hoops to please.
I do truly feel for you as I too have been through a similar situation ~ I came out the other side no longer depressed and feeling truly wonderful about my life, but it took a long time and a lot of tears before I realised that I was better off.
RE: In two weeks I've lost my job and my husband has left me and I'm losing my sanity I fear
Hi Nicky, I know this is so very easy for me to say but please try not to allow yourself to start feeling so negative about yourself now, you are you, you are not Nicky & Tom, although you may feel you've beome that because you've been together for so long but in time you will be happy being Nicky again. You've been through so much, and as already said, there is two sides of the story but I feel you've been badly let down when you've needed support the most, perhaps he just doesn't beleive himself strong enough to be the support you need
But, look it at another way, just imagine, if you did manage to get back together with him, how will the future feel to you? Would you spend the rest of you life worrying that you're not doing enough for him, would you always be second guessing if you've cleaned the house properly & are pleasing him....forgetting about pleasing yourself, I imagine you'd be constantly worrying that you're not meeting his high standards and you'd always be fearful of loosing him which would drive you into a deeper depression.He doesn't sound like he's serving your best purpose and in the long run I really do believe you'll be better without him and in time you'll find someone who loves Nicky for Nicky...just as soon as Nicky learns to love herself again. This is a huge challanging time for you but it will be for you higher good.
Just a thought & You probablyalready know all this but ask Archangel Micheal to sever the ties you have with him, it sounds like alot of the attachments are negative and without them in the way you'll be able to see things more clearly, picture lots of barbed wire attaching you & your husband and then picture Archangel Micheal cutting them with his sword, this doesn't shut off the relationship, just all the 'badness' that has kept you both bound
Love
Amy
xxxx
RE: In two weeks I've lost my job and my husband has left me and I'm losing my sanity I fear
ORIGINAL: Naivetys Star
Darren, if it wasn't for the fact that my dad took his own life and I know how those left behind feel in the aftermath, I would gladly go as my Tom is my world and he doesn't want me in his life anymore. If I could go without my Mum and sister (sorry Jo if you are reading this as I know it's hard to hear your sister say these things) and Tom suffering I would gladly and it is SO hard to fight the thoughts that come.
That's the exact reason I am still here today - my family were hurt when my ex ran off, and I realised that if I took my life, it would just make things worse for them. They were a great help to me and were very supportive. In fact, my bond especially with my sister has grown stronger because of it. Silver linings and all that.
So hang in there. We're here for you too! [sm=hug.gif]
RE: In two weeks I've lost my job and my husband has left me and I'm losing my sanity I fear
I dont believe that your husband has ended your marriage because you didnt do enough housework. I can understand why you feel as if your world is falling in but suicide isnt the answer, Ive also lost someone to that and I know how bad it is.
Ive never suffered from depression but I suffered 2 bouts of work related stress which is very similar and on my bad days I could hardly walk to my local shop never mind clean the house from top to bottom.
Your husband sounds like he is behaving like a selfish self obsessed indivdual and he may not be but he doesnt sound very caring.
Why would you want someone to put limits or conditions on your love? Why would someone need to put pressure on you knowing that you suffer from depression? If you reconcile is every move you make going to be judged and watched to see if you are doing well enough.
If this was a friend of yours and they were going through the same thing, what advice would you give them. Sometimes when we are in the middle of stuff we dont see objectively and we cant see the wood for the trees, we only see the good bits in people and everything is rose tinted glasses.
If your husband wants to end an 11 year relationship I would be very surprised if housework is the reason, I think he owes you a better and a more decent explanation.
It takes 2 people to make a relationship work and 2 people to make it fall apart. You will get through this, your hubby isnt your reason for being on this earth. There may be some dark times ahead but there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Anything that makes you feel better, do it, there will be other jobs, there will be mates and family who will see you through this.
I spent 7 years with someone who couldnt care less about me and nothing I did was right, ina similar way, I had to do all these things and then he might marry me.
Well even though I ended it I was devastated but 2 years on and still with no man, I am happy because I have no one putting pressure on me, no one making me feel bad for being the person that I am and I like myself.
Whatever baggage and insecurities your hubby has, he needs to work on them and not dump all his excess baggage onto you at a time when you need it the least.
No one is perfect, not one living soul on this planet. If someone loves you, they accept you faults and all.
RE: In two weeks I've lost my job and my husband has left me and I'm losing my sanity I fear
ORIGINAL: DarrenFollowsThePath
So hang in there. We're here for you too! [sm=hug.gif]
Will you all come round and help me sort my house out and give him a list of things he could do because it might not be too late? (I know I'm being cheeky)
One of the hardest things is I have no immediate friends. He was and is my bestest and only true friend. I have had texts from 'friends' that I have told, but I hardly see anyone and they all live so far away and I'm in no fit state to travel and need to be here for my Mum and also Tom's popping back on Friday and going on Sunday... and I'm still supposed to be working my notice period which is for his company (I had to leave as my client dropped the contract, not my husband by the way) and I work from which at least is a blessing that I don't have to go into some office, but I can't think straight.
I value and cherish all this support and I am so sorry that you have all been through painful experiences as well. Life is certainly full of challanges, that's for sure. I wish I could be like Anneka Rice (without the boilersuit) and shout "Stop the clock!" as I need a breather.
I think the tablets are working already, though I think they take up to 2 weeks to kick in so maybe it's psychosomatic, but I was more or less even yesterday late afternoon and evening, but this morning when it was time for the next tablet I was in tears again big time and stupidaly called Tom and of course he sounded resolute and firm as he has made his decision and I am just dragging myself over the same hot coals again and again just hoping he'd say, "OK, changed my mind" which he won't and is unlikely to do if I keep going on and on.
RE: In two weeks I've lost my job and my husband has left me and I'm losing my sanity I fear
I know it's more than housework. It was a partnership thing and the housework part of it was helping to make our environement nicer in a cramped house with my Mum and too much stuff. It was about taking charge and responsibilty for improving things generally, I think.
What you said about if I was talking to a friend made me smile as that is what I have said to people over the years to help them see perspective.
I believe in unconditional love, with all my heart. Tom has told me many times that he does not. I guess that's why I love him even though I have to agree with some of the things that these responses have said about him.
RE: In two weeks I've lost my job and my husband has left me and I'm losing my sanity I fear
Sorry I have just read your earlier post. He gave you lists of things you needed to do? I am actually speechless, your hubby may have a very decent side to him and be a nice human being but what right does he have to give you lists of things you need to do by a certain time frame or he would be leaving you?
And now you are kicking yourself because you didnt understand the severity of having to complete these lists on time.
Well, sorry but if I am right you work as well, he has a pair of hands and can use them. Why can he do the housework?
I have been involved with more than one person who made it clear that I wasnt good enough and if I didnt do this that and the next they would be off. Well do you know what, they left anyway and I am a million times better of without them.
He sounds as if hes trying to absolve himself of any blame for the relationship breakdown by putting this all onto you, making you feel guilty and walking away.
No one who truly loves their partner would end a marriage due to housework and lists. If hes playing a game, it sounds like hes playing a cruel one and if does sound to me like he doesnt have the balls to tell you why its really over so hes making a drama out of a crisis to make himself look whiter than white.
If someone treated me like this, I might be sad for a while but then I would be angry for someone thinking that they had the right to control me and make me feel this crap.
You are trying to make excuses for him because you love him and I understand that, but making those lists, if I were him I would be ashamed of myself for treating his wife like this.
You deserve much much better.
RE: In two weeks I've lost my job and my husband has left me and I'm losing my sanity I fear
You deserve much much better.
I guess that is what he is thinking.
RE: In two weeks I've lost my job and my husband has left me and I'm losing my sanity I fear
[blockquote]quote:
You deserve much much better.
[/blockquote]I guess that is what he is thinking.
And it is what you should be thinking and one day when all the hurt and pain had faded will do!!!
x
RE: In two weeks I've lost my job and my husband has left me and I'm losing my sanity I fear
ORIGINAL: Naivetys Star
What you said about if I was talking to a friend made me smile as that is what I have said to people over the years to help them see perspective.
Glad we made you smile!:)
There are so many parallels with my past - depression, work, relationship stuffand what you are going through now -it is incredible and I have to stop myself from stating them and remind myself that this is about you, not me. It's just that your posts remind me of what life was like back then, and I find myself shaking my head with a wry smile and thinking "I can't believe I lived like that and was so grateful to him for giving me another chance accompanied by another list and deadlines - sheesh!". It makes me realise how far I have come since then, and I hope that saying this will help you to know that it is possible to come out the other side, and one day it will be YOU typing words like these!
ORIGINAL: Naivetys Star
I believe in unconditional love, with all my heart. Tom has told me many times that he does not. I guess that's why I love him even though I have to agree with some of the things that these responses have said about him.
This bit struck the biggest chord for me. It is so sad yet so telling that your hubby doesn't believe in unconditional love. And you do, so you love him unconditionally - if only he could return that, but it seems he can't.
Nicky, I am a few years older than you - about 10 to be precise! I had never experienced unconditional love in my life, not even from my parents - I didn't think it really existed. I've had three long-term relationships of several years and I split from my last partner (we'd been together for several years but he wouldn't marry me until I fulfilled certain criteria - lucky escape!)and thought that's it, I'm obviously not meant to be with anyone, I'm meant to be on my own - no more men for me. I got used to being by myself, making friends that didn't have to meet with someone else's approval, doing things that I wanted to do, finding out about myself and who I really am, what really makes me happy, and finding that happiness within myself - unbelievable after so many years of depression. And then the most wonderful thing happened - when I was least expecting it there appeared this wonderful man, my true soulmate. I finally realised that the men in my life previously that I had thought were "the one" really weren't at all. More to the point, he loves me unconditionally - the first time I have experienced this in my life and it is truly wonderful. I finally realise that if love isn't unconditional, then it isn't truly love at all. Love doesn't have strings attached, conditions set, lists and deadlines - it just is, in it's pure simplicity.
So that's all about me even though this is supposed to be about you. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it is possible to come out of this a much stronger person, more in touch with yourself than you might think possible, and it is possible to find that uncondional love when you are least expecting it.
Meantime you need to tap into that inner strength that has enabled you to deal with the depressionalong with all the stuff with your mum and your marriage. Find that inner core of steel that we all have, call on the angels and your guides to support you through all this, and know that we're all here sending all the love and positive vibes that we can. Show your husband how strong you can be, but more to the point show yourself how strong you can be.
My thoughts are with you.
With love,
Amber
RE: In two weeks I've lost my job and my husband has left me and I'm losing my sanity I fear
What an amazing reply. I'm so so pleased for you and truly appreciate what you have said.
Thank you angel.
RE: In two weeks I've lost my job and my husband has left me and I'm losing my sanity I fear
Nicky dearest
I only started reading this thread this morning. I didn't know what kept me from posting until now, but now I realise that I was waiting for Amber's post above. what an inspiring story, eh?
And b elieve it or not, whatever the universe has in store for you, this period will not last forever. Things change. Change is usually a positive thing. Or can be viewed as such.
What a challenge faces you now. Come on, girl, start fighting! You are an impeccable warrior. All shall truly truly be well.
So hang on in there.
With love
Sunanda xxx
RE: In two weeks I've lost my job and my husband has left me and I'm losing my sanity I fear
I guess as it's all so new I'm at "the not quite believing it, remembering and being hit with it like a ton of bricks every hour or so" stage. I have had lovely people invite me out but I can't face that right now.
I'm cleaning the living room and getting rid of books. Our shelves are piled high to the ceiling. He called and I said I ws cleaning and he was worried that I was doing cleaning to try and make it all better. I'm not. I don't want to see piles of books and dust around me reminding me that he has gone because of it (partly, please understand there is so much more to it than that, though really, as I see it, it comes down to environment and my depressive behaviour) and as I said to him, well texted him, I am trying to be positive and proactive as best I can.
We spoke this afternoon on the phone as there was anger on both parts. Mine because I feel we haven't tried everything we can and his because he says we spoke about everything many times in the last year or so so how could I not have realised that things were this bad.
I don't want us to have anger between us. I knwo deep down that anger doesn't help this situation and my going on, pleading and begging as (I was the other day) isn't going to change anything, isn't going to instill in him that I am a positive and proactive person and is not the kind of person I want to be for me either.
I still don't feel like he talked about it to me in a way that I could comprehend. He has had therapy, he and his councillor have been through the thinking and the decision to leave me is the end result. I have just had the end bit I feel becasue if I really grasped it I would have moved heaven and earth to prevent it coming to this. This is why I am so annoyed we didn't have couples therapy as there would be no misunderstandings. He wishes I wouldn't keep bringing this up (and I agree as he thinks its too late) because the doctor I saw yesterday suggested couples therapy and Tom thinks the doc gave me false hope after Tom had already told me what he wanted to do.
I'm waffling so I'm going to go.
Giving up smoking is on hold, so I'm off for a cigerette.
Thank you all so much. You are all stars and all angels to me, you really are.
RE: In two weeks I've lost my job and my husband has left me and I'm losing my sanity I fear
Hi there NS - have just found this post and I truly feel for you [sm=hug.gif]
I cannot echo enough what the previous posts have said about when the dust settles and you finding the real you - again I have also been there.
It really sounds to me as if your husband who was there with you through a lot of your dark times couldn't find a way of leaving you then without feeling guilty and its only now by providing you with some tasks or ultimatums that he possibly knew you couldn't achieve that he feels he is able to walk away 'blameless'. From outside the situation (which always gives a clearer view) it does seem a very manipulative way to treat someone - especially someone you are supposed to love.
So - it will take time and there will be pain - but when you come through the other side you will have grown so much and learnt to really love yourself. I know someone said - but not sure who - until you love yourself no-one else can truly love you.
I hope that helps in some way - I know when I split I could never see the way through but kept on trucking and here I am - light will appear in the darkness even if only a glimmer at first and each day will then begin to get lighter and lighter as time passes - the darkest hour is just before dawn.
Much love x
RE: In two weeks I've lost my job and my husband has left me and I'm losing my sanity I fear
Thank you.
RE: In two weeks I've lost my job and my husband has left me and I'm losing my sanity I fear
Well I'm exhausted from cleaning and throwing sorting out books to give away. I SO tired. It was so hard as many of the books have personal messages by both of us going back over the years, I have kept most of them for now as I know I'll regret throwing anything of sentimental value.
Had a couple of chats to Tom on the phone, the last was was difficult as he said he would be taking his rings off at some point. When he emailed about changing the home broadband as he is currently paying for it and it is in his name I felt all that sadness again as it is so really happening. The practical aspect emphasises the loss of everything else.
We have so many years worth of things that have cluttered Mum's house and non of it means diddely squat. Why was I such a hoarder?
I've taken down from the bookcase a sampler that I made as part of my wedding present to him, it says "Home is where my heart is And that will always be with you". Everytime I sat in the sitting room it was opposite me.
This afternoon has been quite weepy and I am worrying about tonight as I hurts so much more in the dark. I'm going to go now before I type myself into tears again. I have had very strong moments today, and some big not so strong moments, but I have got through another day which is good I suppose.