Hi all,
I know I have posted about this before but the situation has got even worse. Perhaps someone else has been in a similar situation and has some pointers or experience to offer? I am open to any ideas....
Here is the dilemma: I am stuck in a job where I am bored mindless with the work, do not fit in and am becoming increasingly desperate and unhappy. A colleague who is sometimes friendly commented that I do not belong here and I think that is the problem in a nutshell.
I make sure I do a good job as I know I'm not popular and for financial reasons I do not want to give them any excuse to get rid of me before I am ready. My workplace is all about being nice to the right people and saying the right things, not about how hard you work. Things tend to be more personal than professional and if you do not get in with the right people you have had it basically.
I have been in the job for 5 years and am nearly 50. I am so desperate to get out that I would just leave if I didn't have financial commitments. Sometimes I am in tears at work and have to hide it or slip out. My confidence has been demolished by this job - I know I have to get out but I have no idea what to do and don't want to end up in a similar situation. Although to be honest I would probably take any other job just to get out. When I think about the situation I just feel very confused and depressed, it is as if I don't know myself at all and what I could or should be doing.
I have always disliked office work, it has just been a means to pay the rent etc. and now I guess through my own fault, i.e. not being able to figure out what to do and go for it, I have become trapped.
I do know that I am lucky to have a job, despite how this sounds. I have struggled in the past financially and lived on my wits but surely it shouldn't be as bad as this?
Have you started to look for other jobs in the area? My daughter was very depressed working in an office. It came to a head when she, as a Team Leader, was expected to sort out a case of bullying in the workplace. She, and the victim, found it impossible to get help, as the perpetrator was the team manager. She had been dealing with this 'manager' for about 3 years, and after 6 months of this daily 'abuse' she gave 2 weeks notice. The victim just didn't come back.
She was determined that this was not going to be her life, so something had to change. She did not sign on, but did all sorts of things to pay her rent/utilities, and was never out of 'work' - she was a waitress; barmaid: hotel cleaner; dog walker and a nanny. All these in the space of year, at which point she decided to go to college and do Vet Nursing. That was two years ago. She is now taking a year out to raise funds to finish the course, and is doing two jobs - kennel maid and waitress! I don't know how she does it - but she enjoys it, and the main thing is, she is happy.
My sister is going through the same currently. She is so unhappy where she is working and finding the atmosphere is choking the life out of her. I'm lending her as much support as I can, but she is becoming quite physically ill because she is so fed up.
I don't know the answer and I will follow this thread with interest. But you are not alone in feeling this way and feeling trapped.
I wish I could say quit and go on an adventure but life doesn't generally afford such things. Which is such a shame.
Good luck, I'm routing for you. x
Have you started to look for other jobs in the area? My daughter was very depressed working in an office. It came to a head when she, as a Team Leader, was expected to sort out a case of bullying in the workplace. She, and the victim, found it impossible to get help, as the perpetrator was the team manager. She had been dealing with this 'manager' for about 3 years, and after 6 months of this daily 'abuse' she gave 2 weeks notice. The victim just didn't come back.
She was determined that this was not going to be her life, so something had to change. She did not sign on, but did all sorts of things to pay her rent/utilities, and was never out of 'work' - she was a waitress; barmaid: hotel cleaner; dog walker and a nanny. All these in the space of year, at which point she decided to go to college and do Vet Nursing. That was two years ago. She is now taking a year out to raise funds to finish the course, and is doing two jobs - kennel maid and waitress! I don't know how she does it - but she enjoys it, and the main thing is, she is happy.
Hi,
Good for her! Being happy is the main thing, I agree. I'm guessing she is a fair bit younger than me though. It sounds like she gave herself space to figure out what she wanted to do, or maybe she always wanted to do vet nursing? I'm not sure whether you mean have I applied for jobs in the local area or in the same work area. Well, not yet, to be honest I am so lacking confidence and so confused I just don't know where to start.
My sister is going through the same currently. She is so unhappy where she is working and finding the atmosphere is choking the life out of her. I'm lending her as much support as I can, but she is becoming quite physically ill because she is so fed up.
I don't know the answer and I will follow this thread with interest. But you are not alone in feeling this way and feeling trapped.
I wish I could say quit and go on an adventure but life doesn't generally afford such things. Which is such a shame.
Good luck, I'm routing for you. x
Thank you Meadowsweet 
Yes, being physically ill has been a big part of it for me too, I can relate to that! I have recovered my health now but I'm sure the job has been a big part of how down I got physically. Is your sister quite young?
.
Mouse I do feel for you.I was in a similar situation at one point - trapped in a job where I was very unhappy - with a boss who was bullying me.
There is no easy answer because each persons situation is different. I became happy once I realised d that I had choices - and one of the choices was I didn't have to stay there - but my exit plan was eased by my professional options as a pharmacist.
The thing is I now try to help people like you using the skills and techniques that helped me. One of those techniques was NLP/life coaching. One of the presuppositions of NLP is that we all have the resources we need to make the changes we want so I KNOW you can find a solution with the right help. Its a question of finding the right help.
One thing I DO know is that stress is not cased by events or people or situations, but how we chose to react. And please trust me, your reactions can be changed with the right help.. This might not sound much but if you are stuck in the job - and you could stop yourself being stressed and unhappy by changing how you think about things that would be a massive improvement. That initially was the biggest change I made - and it enabled me to stay on in that job for a further 18 months and be happy.
May I suggest a book called change your life in 7 days by Paul McKenna. For me it did what it said on the tin . I was so impressed I trained in the techniques used in the book professionally.
Hi,
Try to set your self achievable goals that will help you to change your situation, for example next week book an appointment for re-training in a different field, the following week look at courses etc. You are never to old to change your job or life.
I was in the same situation as you in my early 20's and ended up ill and on anti depressants. I managed to wean my self off the tablets and changed my job. It took a long time to regain my confidence, but I have never been in that situation again.
I am now 55 and last year graduated from uni with a 2.1 hons degree. You will find the strength to get out of your situation, but do it one step at a time look at other options and follow your instinct.
I know you can do it.
Thinking of you.:):):o
Phew just when I was thinking I can't bear being retired and need a job, it all came flooding back to me, the back biting, the trying to do your best when as you say mouse16 - sometimes it does not matter how good you are at your job, how hard you try to fit in, colleagues can be bitches (men to) but quite honestly in my experience it was always women...why is that?
Sometimes it is not colleagues it can be the very nature of the job that can eventually get you on rock bottom, I do like what Tashanie says on this matter and it is worth a try. A member of my family is in this 'trapped' scenario and I will pass this on to him.
I feel so sorry for people today, literally trapped in jobs they hate, in my day (100 years ago) if we were fed up or whatever we just popped along to the job centre/looked at the newspaper and had another job within the week!
mouse16 I don't know your circumstances i.e. married, mortgage etc., but is there a possibility if you do have a mortgage you could move to a smaller place or something? Money, money really at the end of the day we do need it. I am retired and can't darn well manage on pension. I am finding part time jobs that would normally be paid or now being offered as voluntary :fit:
Only benefit to me now is IF, I could get a little part time job and there was just ONE person who peed me off I would literally tell them where to go. Hope you get sorted soon mouse16, let me know how it pans out for you. x
Thank you Meadowsweet
She is young, she is 29. She is a very sensitive soul and has had a lot going on outside of work never mind what's going on within it so she is struggling. There isn't a lot we can do for her other than listen and if she asks for advice give her the support she needs.
One thing I DO know is that stress is not cased by events or people or situations, but how we chose to react. And please trust me, your reactions can be changed with the right help.. This might not sound much but if you are stuck in the job - and you could stop yourself being stressed and unhappy by changing how you think about things that would be a massive improvement. That initially was the biggest change I made - and it enabled me to stay on in that job for a further 18 months and be happy.
May I suggest a book called change your life in 7 days by Paul McKenna. For me it did what it said on the tin . I was so impressed I trained in the techniques used in the book professionally.
Thanks you Tashanie for your kind and encouraging words I find it hard to believe that how we choose to react can be changed when in a situation like this. It seems to me that things happen and they 'push your buttons' whether you want that or not. But I am always prepared to give it a go! I will check out the book.
Hi,
Try to set your self achievable goals that will help you to change your situation, for example next week book an appointment for re-training in a different field, the following week look at courses etc. You are never to old to change your job or life.
I was in the same situation as you in my early 20's and ended up ill and on anti depressants. I managed to wean my self off the tablets and changed my job. It took a long time to regain my confidence, but I have never been in that situation again.
I am now 55 and last year graduated from uni with a 2.1 hons degree. You will find the strength to get out of your situation, but do it one step at a time look at other options and follow your instinct.
I know you can do it.
Thinking of you.:):):o
Thanks Yes, weekly goals is a good idea, I need to feel I am doing something.
Only benefit to me now is IF, I could get a little part time job and there was just ONE person who peed me off I would literally tell them where to go. Hope you get sorted soon mouse16, let me know how it pans out for you. x
How I would love to do that, good for you!
No option to 'downsize' I'm afraid (not mortgage as I rent but other stuff).
have I applied for jobs in the local area or in the same work area. Well, not yet, to be honest I am so lacking confidence and so confused I just don't know where to start.
OK, you're in London, so you have the maximum amount of jobs to choose from. I suggest you start by listing the things you want and don;t want in your next job.
Look at some person specifications and job descriptions online.
Update your CV, show it to some friends and they may point out things you've left out. You maybe find it difficult to "blow your own trumpet" because your confidence has been undermined. So get some feedback from people who like you. They like you for a reason.
Ask your friends about where they work, or have worked recently. Especially those friends who more resemble you. If someone seems to have a nicer workplace, contact their HR dept and ask if they've any vacancies.
Finally, before you start making applications, make a plan for how you will handle the inevitable knock-backs, ie treat each interview as a learning opportunity. If possible, get feedback from every interview, although regretably many interviewers don;t have the guts to tell people honestly why they didn;t get the job. However on the rare occasions when they do the feedback can be useful (but only if it's framed in terms of measurable, achievable changes that you could make- otherwise it's best forgotten).
Hi,
e Good for her! Being happy is the main thing, I agree. I'm guessing she is a fair bit younger than me though. It sounds like she gave herself space to figure out what she wanted to do, or maybe she always wanted to do vet nursing? I'm not sure whether you mean havI applied for jobs in the local area or in the same work area. Well, not yet, to be honest I am so lacking confidence and so confused I just don't know where to start.
There is no point in applying for jobs until you DO have the confidence. And if you don't know where to start may I make a suggestion ...at the beginning!!! No I am NOT joking, May I suggest you do the wheel of life exercise?
Draw a circle and divide it up into 6 or 8 segments. Assign one part of your life to each segment. (career, finance, friends, family , home, health .......you know what your life is made up of!!) Now assume 0 is in the middle of the circle and 10 is on the circumference, Assign a score from 0-10 of how content you are with each part of your life and draw a line across the segment at that point.. You will end up with lines at different positions across each segment and a very visual representation of what your priority areas are. If you like you can do a wheel for a particular segment - I had a friend who who realised her home was her biggest issues - and did a wheel for each room to help her highlight what she needed to start with.
You can use the wheel to show you what you need to focus on - and then you will have somewhere to start.....
OK, you're in London, so you have the maximum amount of jobs to choose from. I suggest you start by listing the things you want and don;t want in your next job.
Look at some person specifications and job descriptions online.
Update your CV, show it to some friends and they may point out things you've left out. You maybe find it difficult to "blow your own trumpet" because your confidence has been undermined. So get some feedback from people who like you. They like you for a reason.
Ask your friends about where they work, or have worked recently. Especially those friends who more resemble you. If someone seems to have a nicer workplace, contact their HR dept and ask if they've any vacancies.
Finally, before you start making applications, make a plan for how you will handle the inevitable knock-backs, ie treat each interview as a learning opportunity. If possible, get feedback from every interview, although regretably many interviewers don;t have the guts to tell people honestly why they didn;t get the job. However on the rare occasions when they do the feedback can be useful (but only if it's framed in terms of measurable, achievable changes that you could make- otherwise it's best forgotten).
Thanks but I think I need to get my confidence back before I even do the listing things / thinking thing through bit. I am not sure anymore who I am or what I would be best doing. I can't ask friends about work or show them my CV as I don't have any (at all). Not everyone does. I understand what you are saying and appreciate the advice but don't think I'm at that stage yet.
There is no point in applying for jobs until you DO have the confidence. And if you don't know where to start may I make a suggestion ...at the beginning!!! No I am NOT joking, May I suggest you do the wheel of life exercise?
Draw a circle and divide it up into 6 or 8 segments. Assign one part of your life to each segment. (career, finance, friends, family , home, health .......you know what your life is made up of!!) Now assume 0 is in the middle of the circle and 10 is on the circumference, Assign a score from 0-10 of how content you are with each part of your life and draw a line across the segment at that point.. You will end up with lines at different positions across each segment and a very visual representation of what your priority areas are. If you like you can do a wheel for a particular segment - I had a friend who who realised her home was her biggest issues - and did a wheel for each room to help her highlight what she needed to start with.
You can use the wheel to show you what you need to focus on - and then you will have somewhere to start.....
Yes, exactly, no point applying until I have some confidence. But also.... until I know what to apply for. I think I could do the exercise you describe mentally without having to draw the circle Will have a think and give it a go.
Oh I really do feel for you, I have also been in a similar situation. I got myself a new attitude to it, its a job, right? just something that pays the bills and isnt going to be forever. I stopped caring so much, I went did what I had to do and go home. I joined a gym and started a part time course so I had things to focus on and which gave me pleasure. I think once you remember that its only a job and find something that fullfills you weither it be cooking, or doing a degree you will stop seeing work as so important in your life.
I dont know if this will help you but it worked for me.
All the best
Oh I really do feel for you, I have also been in a similar situation. I got myself a new attitude to it, its a job, right? just something that pays the bills and isnt going to be forever. I stopped caring so much, I went did what I had to do and go home. I joined a gym and started a part time course so I had things to focus on and which gave me pleasure. I think once you remember that its only a job and find something that fullfills you weither it be cooking, or doing a degree you will stop seeing work as so important in your life.
I dont know if this will help you but it worked for me.
All the best
Thanks :). I see what you mean, it is just a job but I'm there for 8 hours a day..... I think I'm feeling the weight of years pressing on me, of doing jobs where I don't fit in, and am bored with all the office c**p just to pay the bills. I guess it is a very common thing. Doing stuff outside of work hasn't worked for me I'm afraid.
Thanks :). I see what you mean, it is just a job but I'm there for 8 hours a day..... I think I'm feeling the weight of years pressing on me, of doing jobs where I don't fit in, and am bored with all the office c**p just to pay the bills. I guess it is a very common thing. Doing stuff outside of work hasn't worked for me I'm afraid.
You need to find the solution that works for YOU, You can and you will. Its a question of finding the right way to think about things.
I would LOVE to do a life coaching session with you..... (having just got my certificate in Life coaching!) because life coaching is about helping the person find their own solution . But may I suggest you consider booking a session with a life coach who lives nearer you than I do? I am sure ti would be very helpful.
You need to find the solution that works for YOU, You can and you will. Its a question of finding the right way to think about things.
I would LOVE to do a life coaching session with you..... (having just got my certificate in Life coaching!) because life coaching is about helping the person find their own solution . But may I suggest you consider booking a session with a life coach who lives nearer you than I do? I am sure ti would be very helpful.
I will keep this mind. One thing I have found is that I have a real need for a spiritual path and I am moving more towards this properly now. I'm not sure if it will help with my practical dilemnas but I do need it.... By the way, I tried out the Paul McKenna book. The CD is fantastically relaxing and really helps. I found the initial exercise difficult however as I just cannot visualise 'my authentic self' - there is nothing there.
I will keep this mind. One thing I have found is that I have a real need for a spiritual path and I am moving more towards this properly now. I'm not sure if it will help with my practical dilemnas but I do need it.... By the way, I tried out the Paul McKenna book. The CD is fantastically relaxing and really helps. I found the initial exercise difficult however as I just cannot visualise 'my authentic self' - there is nothing there.
It was actually that book that helped me find my spiritual path. I had lost and suppressed my spiritual side - and that book helped me find it again. Don't give up. Work through the book day by day. Do the exercises he suggests as honestly as you can. You may well surprise yourself by what you learn. I know I did
Hi all,
I know I have posted about this before but the situation has got even worse. Perhaps someone else has been in a similar situation and has some pointers or experience to offer? I am open to any ideas....
Here is the dilemma: I am stuck in a job where I am bored mindless with the work, do not fit in and am becoming increasingly desperate and unhappy. A colleague who is sometimes friendly commented that I do not belong here and I think that is the problem in a nutshell.
I make sure I do a good job as I know I'm not popular and for financial reasons I do not want to give them any excuse to get rid of me before I am ready. My workplace is all about being nice to the right people and saying the right things, not about how hard you work. Things tend to be more personal than professional and if you do not get in with the right people you have had it basically.
I have been in the job for 5 years and am nearly 50. I am so desperate to get out that I would just leave if I didn't have financial commitments. Sometimes I am in tears at work and have to hide it or slip out. My confidence has been demolished by this job - I know I have to get out but I have no idea what to do and don't want to end up in a similar situation. Although to be honest I would probably take any other job just to get out. When I think about the situation I just feel very confused and depressed, it is as if I don't know myself at all and what I could or should be doing.
I have always disliked office work, it has just been a means to pay the rent etc. and now I guess through my own fault, i.e. not being able to figure out what to do and go for it, I have become trapped.
I do know that I am lucky to have a job, despite how this sounds. I have struggled in the past financially and lived on my wits but surely it shouldn't be as bad as this?
Hello mouse16,
I can relate to you as i have been through a similar situation in the past.
The thing is that you have to realise that you are wasting a big part of your life doing something that makes you miserable and losing yourself, up to the point that you don't know who you are, don't have any friends, don't have any interests. Don't let it eat you up. Get out of there immediately and don't waste any more of that precious life of yours. I am now working in something i love, earning much less, but being absolutely happy.
I see in your profile that you are a very art-oriented person, think about how you could work that in your favour.
I'm sending you a big hug all the way to charming London!
[url]London - City of Rain - YouTube[/url]
Hello mouse16,
I can relate to you as i have been through a similar situation in the past.
The thing is that you have to realise that you are wasting a big part of your life doing something that makes you miserable and losing yourself, up to the point that you don't know who you are, don't have any friends, don't have any interests. Don't let it eat you up. Get out of there immediately and don't waste any more of that precious life of yours. I am now working in something i love, earning much less, but being absolutely happy.
I see in your profile that you are a very art-oriented person, think about how you could work that in your favour.I'm sending you a big hug all the way to charming London!
[url]London - City of Rain - YouTube[/url]
Hi
You are exactly right but I can't get out immediately (like everyone, I have rent to pay, food to buy, bills to pay etc!). I am trying to get to what I want to do, on a heart/feeling rather than trying to figure it out by thinking as that is just hopeless for me.
Yes, have been an art-orientated person but creativity seems to be blocked through this rubbish situation.
Thanks for the hug
How did you get out of what you were doing? Did you make a plan or was it more a luck thing?
You have said that shamanic counselling is something you are thinking of. I would suggest that you take this to the counsellor as your issue to work on.
(Or, if you prefer to take it directly to the spirits without a counsellor's help, try something like, "What is my first step in leaving my job?")
Hi
You are exactly right but I can't get out immediately (like everyone, I have rent to pay, food to buy, bills to pay etc!). I am trying to get to what I want to do, on a heart/feeling rather than trying to figure it out by thinking as that is just hopeless for me.
Yes, have been an art-orientated person but creativity seems to be blocked through this rubbish situation.
Thanks for the hug
How did you get out of what you were doing? Did you make a plan or was it more a luck thing?
Circumstances forced me to get out of what i was doing, but eventually this turned out to be good for me because if you overthink things you don't decide to take action. So you could say that it was a luck thing, but i regret not taking action earlier and saving myself 4 years of wasted time...
Bills and rent will always be the excuse, we all have them, life on the other hand slips away.
After another upsetting 'incident' at work I have been been thinking about the situation and have had the following realisation.
It is AMAZING how you can allow others to put you down and take away your power. This is what I have been doing! I am worth so much more than how my work colleagues treat me and how they treat is more to do with their issues than mine. Assuming that there is something wrong with me, that I somehow deserve to be excluded I have accepted their implied opinion of me and it has ground down my confidence. I actually feel a sense of power realising this.
Well done mouse16 - that is a very important insight - and totally true. We never allow others to treat us any worse than we feel we deserve. the frirst thing to do is to realise you don't deserve it!
I can really empathise with you on the job front. It is tough out there. I have worked in offices & they are not the nicest of places. Back stabbing, bitching, bullying. There are some awful energies in some places. Some managers can be very nasty indeed & act like they have a point to prove.
You may be more artistic, have teacher or counselling skills. Sometimes its good to train towards something or aim for a qualification but the jobs need to be there. Whatever subjects you were good at whilst being at school should give you an idea of your strengths or things you enjoy doing that you could make a career out of. Looking at your astrological birth chart may give you some ideas too.
Hope that helps, have fun & explore, explore, explore!
I feel as though office work is for people that don't really know what they want to do in life. It's also full of yuppie types with their stupid 30k mortgage friendly wage that think they are slightly cleverer than the hairdressers & nurses etc.
Hope that helps & good luck
Office work is vital to the smooth running of ANY large business and for some people it WILL be what they are 'meant' to do. And nurses can earn well over 30K these days.
No I am NOT an office worker but I know lots and they are on the whole nice ordinary people.
I'm sure it's 50/50 like with everything on earth. Some people u click with, some you don't. Some people like you, some people don't. I have met some lovely people in offices but some real horrid ones too. Some definitely do have a stuck up, keeping up with the joneses, middle class mentality.
Any business does need it's administration & it's a very valuable part of it. Different companies - different energies I guess.
Nursing - very respectful career & brilliant personalities.