After having (successfully) dealt with, over the past 6 months, a depression (or rather, as some have probably more accurately identified it, a bereavement, heartbreak, or even profound disappointment), I find myself in a bit of a predicament. In the course of healing myself, I made several changes to my life (I joined a Pagan group, as I was lonely and needed the company of like-minded folk; I started taking a course in ITEC Holistic Massage Therapy; I even purchased an XBox 360 and joined the XBox Live community of gamers).
Now, I'm finding that I want my old life back (basically, coming home from work and messing about on my computer and going up to the horse yard to muck out without much thought of my future). Or I think I do. I actually think I'm starting to resist the changes. At 48, the last major change in my life was when my second child was born 14 years ago and even then, I'd already been a father for 6 years, so was "used" to it.
I really enjoy the new stuff I've taken on, but I am also finding much of it challenging - particularly the course, as I have much to learn and I've been out of school a very long time and it scares me (my memory isn't what it used to be).
I guess the reason I'm posting this is for support and to read about others' experiences with taking on new challenges later in life (I know, I'm not *that* old, but I sometimes feel it). How you coped. How you moved out of your comfort zone. That sort of thing. Anyway, thank you for reading. 🙂
Hi Scott,
I decided to take a massive change in my lifestyle a couple of years ago. I was a department head in a computer hardware company, relishing every moment of all the technology we were pioneering. But it had something missing, and my life was all about the rat race and the next product. It was like being a junky, getting high off the next magazine review or seeing our products in the shops.
However, my core values are more earth based, and I saw life was just one big pool of stress that I could feed on. So two years ago I gave up my job to live my dream. It's amazing how much the world has changed in the last two years. Now I spend time with my family and we do things together, I can experiment with things and innovate. I've been able to develop spiritually and intellectually having rediscovered the joy of research.
I haven't turned my back on technology, but now I can use it in a practical way to enhance mine and my family's life. I wouldn't say it's been all plain sailing because along the way I've had a couple of accidents and health scares to remind me that I'm in my 50th year.
Like you, I'm studying massage at out local college and will be doing other CAM therapies of the course of the year.
So what about change?
To me change is exciting and it can become adictive chasing new highs. I've had to learn the world is not a toy shop where I can just keep trying out different exeriences. So now, I've learnt the value of humanity, I've learnt the unity of creation.
There is a verse in the Bible, and I'm not a Christian, "be still an know I am god". That says to me open my eyes and know that there is something bigger than me. It doesn't matter who your god is, but it does matter that we stop, think observe and know that we are part of creation.
As an old Ki teacher said "Go and enjoy life, go and find love", what more do we need?
Myarka.
Hello again Scott, when I was in my forties, I was made redundant, I was then very ill with peritonitis of the bowel which left me with a colostomoy for a few months.. Following reversal of this I then had to have a hysterectomy. While recuperating I started a two year adult teaching course and at 48 started myown small business as a freelance secretary and also taught computer skills on a one to one basis. I thoroughly enjoyed this but the income was inconsistent so at 50 I applied for and got a new job altogether. I also trained and became qualified as a reflexologist and Reiki practitioner.
Maybe because you have been at a low ebb lately you are finding things harder than usual. I hope you can find a healthy balance and your get up and go comes back... :dogrun:
Hi Scott,
Just came across your note and can empathise with you in lots of ways!! Like you, I've experienced a lot of lows, in particular over the last 2 years. This has mainly been due to a change in family commitments, losing my dad to cancer, from losing a further 4 family members and a boss to a freak accident when he was at the peak of his career and life.
Since then, I've been questioning life in general and what direction I need to head in despite family and friends suggestions on "you must do this or you must do that, try this, try that." I've had so many changes I could write a book over the years but doesn't "change ultimately get you to where you need to be?" I've decided to put me first and delve into the unknown even if it feels fearful at times. I'm trying to get into the health sector now and steer away from high powered careers in the City so that I can claim back the quality time for me and my family. To resist change is natural and I think it's only until we pluck up courage in order to try new things ie. hobbies, study, socialise that can we say whether it's "right for us." At least you're trying and that's a positive!!! I admire your enrolling on a course so good luck with that!
Keep us posted!
Best wishes,
Belle XX
Belle and Jeannie,
Thanks for the encouragement. For 20 years, I've done nothing but live for my children until someone recently told me that my children will take care of their own lives, that I must live for myself. That is what I am trying to do now.
Myarka,
I'm not one of those who thrives on stress, as you obviously are. I tend to like things nice and easy and comfortable. But thank you for your viewpoint.
Myarka,
I'm not one of those who thrives on stress, as you obviously are. I tend to like things nice and easy and comfortable. But thank you for your viewpoint.
Hi Scott,
You missed my point....
I was in a position of high strees and thought I was driven by it. Now I realise that was wrong, hence the quotes at the end of my post.
Myarka
Myarka,
Ah, sorry. My mistake. I understand now.
That was a lovely post Myarka...how nice you are xx
Hello Scott,
What came up for me when I was reading your post is that you need to find a little balance, you write as though you are saying you can only do one thing or the other, why can't you do both i.e your new stuff and chill out a few evenings a week mucking out in the yard etc.
I know first hard how hard facilitating changes can be it's very scary, but scarier still is sitting in our comfort zone then getting to a certain age filled with regrets for the things we didn't do, try etc.
You sound a bit down, are you ok?
Love
Rebecca x
Rebecca,
I'm fine, thank you. I'm much happier these days, as the gloom of Winter and my depression pass. I feel I am finally coming to terms with the root of my depression and I'm returning to normalcy.
I think you are correct in your assertion the I need to strike a balance. I'll be OK. Right now, the massage course I'm taking, and the upcoming exams and practical scare me to death, and as a result I am procrastinating. I haven't purchased a massage bed yet because it represents a commitment I'm not sure I'm ready to make. But I need to, as I've case studies I must get started on. I'm trying to study the A&P, in particular learning the muscles, but my mind seems to refuse to absorb the information.
But you are right about the regrets I'll feel if I give up now. I must persevere.
Good morning
Making changes is not easy, two years ago I also made some life changes, going back to college after 30 years was difficult at times but the sense of achievement that I feel now that I have qualified is fantastic, the pre-exam nerves, completing all the course work, etc, etc, you will do it, it just takes a bit of organising, most people feel the same.
My husband, MiL, FiL, my eldest brother have all spent the last year in and out of hospital, at times I wondered if I should continue with the courses, but I look back and realised that I coped much better with what is happening around me, I had time away from the hustle and bustle I could switch off and concentrate on something that interested me.
Juggling work, familly commitments, etc, etc, was challenging at times. We have a board in the kitchen for reminders, plus a timetable of where we need to be, etc, I also add my work/study commitments for the next 4 weeks or so.
As for the age thing, throw it out of the window, when we were younger we didnt have the opportunities that are now available to study and follow a new path. The courses I have been on have always been mixed groups, we interact in different ways, but the older ones have a lifetime of knowledge and experience to draw upon.
I now grab every opportunity and have a go, if I feel it isnt for me I say to myself this road is the wrong course of action for me to take, but I've had a go. I did enrol on a councelling course, I really enjoyed it but the course changed from evening to days, as I work fulltime I was honest with myself and said that at this moment in time I cant continue, but I have taken away a lot of useful info which compliments my day job and my holistic therapies.
As for learning the different muscles.bones, post it notes around the kitchen helped me, I had to work in a logical way lower cupboards lower parts of the body, upper cupbards from the waist up, whilst I was cooking I was reciting small parts, I started in a small way and it built up.
Just remember your not alone.
Fudge
I now grab every opportunity and have a go, if I feel it isnt for me I say to myself this road is the wrong course of action for me to take, but I've had a go. I did enrol on a councelling course, I really enjoyed it but the course changed from evening to days, as I work fulltime I was honest with myself and said that at this moment in time I cant continue, but I have taken away a lot of useful info which compliments my day job and my holistic therapies.
But how do you know if it's the wrong road or just a case of cold feet? At the moment, I wonder if the massage therapy course is really what I want to do, or if it is just that the material is too daunting? I enjoy giving the massage and learning the strokes, but knowing all the muscles and bones and how the body systems work can seem like too much.
As for learning the different muscles.bones, post it notes around the kitchen helped me, I had to work in a logical way lower cupboards lower parts of the body, upper cupbards from the waist up, whilst I was cooking I was reciting small parts, I started in a small way and it built up.Fudge
Now this sounds like an interesting method that could help me. But that is just learning the names of the muscles and bones. There's still their function, as well as the body systems and their components and functions, benefits of massage, contraindications (including names of conditions I've never heard of) and a host of other stuff. I just don't feel my mind can hold it all!
Slow down, chop the work into chunks, we learn't bit by bit, building up one thing from another. Have a word with your lecturer about the course work, in my college we also had councilors who were very helpful and others who helped with getting to grips with studying.
When massaging think of the name of the muscles as you glide over them or the bones, or the system, dont try and do it all at once as it does take practice. When practicing have the chart/s nearby so that you can look up something if you forget. The handouts from the class gave me all the information I needed to know for the exam. Although I prefer something in colour and found 'Human Body' a Dorling Kindersley Book, very useful and informative little book.
As for my councelling course, it came down to being practical, as where I work they wouldnt give me paid time off, although it would help with my job, I could have done a computer course, but I had done them years ago and computers were my field, does anyone remember commodore computers? I had to work through all the pro's and cons, the whys and the wherefores, practicalities, money etc, etc, before I got to my answer. But I know I can go back to it when the time is right.
Take care and all the best
Fudge
Scott,
Nice to see you're feeling better about things. The changes of the seasons has a huge impact too on everyone and gives us all that much needed lift - what better time than to grab the bull by the horns and make wonderful changes to your life! Good for you!! Belle x