I am a 38 year old male Father of 2 Thomas 4 years and Hannah 18 mths
18 mths ago I had a very big heart attack to which a stent was inserted within 2 hours. Fantastic!! I left hospital within 2 days a none smoker feeling like it was a mere flesh wound... I started to paraglide (something I always wanted to do, fly like a bird!) and life was fantastic again, feeling lucky I had been given a warning and could look forward to what ever time I have left. Reassured by the words of the doctors who said my heart would always be scar'd but would function as well as it did before given about 1 year.
However 4 mths ago I had (what I thought at the time) another attack, on my own in the house I panicked and phoned the ambulance. Fantastic as they are within 10 mins I was being attended to. During this time my wife and children return home to see me looking white with a oxygen mask and wires galore. My son looked so worried it was heart breaking....
On arrival to hospital I started feeling better and when they confirmed that I was not having another attack I started feeling much better.. they put it down to a build up of gastro activity of sorts and changed my statten to a different one.
Since then I just have not felt right at all.... every slight pain or discomfort my body may produce has my mind reeling into a ever spinning spiral of panic about dieing. I know this is quite irrational but I also know the reality of the pain of a heart attack. Not a plessant way of going at all, I always thought I would go quick and without to much worry (due to the dangerous sports in have partaken in over the years) or during my sleep. This thought of painless death is a great deal more comforting to ones peace of mind than I realized pre heart attack...... how I long to live in blissful ignorance.
I am over weight to the tune of 2 stone, to which I know will feel better for the loss of.
My Father has also just passed away unexpected 3 weeks ago.... He left the UK to live in Turkey 8 mths ago under a cloud of many years of hate and unresolved upsets brought on by his alcohol abuse to which I will never be able to forgive him to his face nore him to me.
Heart truly broken, sole lost, for the sake of my poor children I need to find peace with my self and my father. I am not a religious man at all but Jesus if ever I needed your help it would be now.!
RE: Broken Heart
Hello, Fingers!
Very sorry to hear your story, and at this moment I can't spend the time I'd like to so that I can share and give you the time you deserve. I wanted to respond, promptly though, to tell you to hang in there. I went through two serious and life-threatening illnesses (though not cardiac), separated by years. After the first, I knew that I wasn't done and that someday I'd deal with this sort of thing again. They were unrelated.
It takes a long time to work past the fear. It isn't irrational at all. Every cold or flu, stomach upset, or ache gets one worried. I tell myself to be calm, and visit the doctor if there's any question. Over and over again, it has been the cold, or alergy,etc. and so I get a little more relaxed. Balance good sense with inappropriate fear, you'll learn which is which, because you are now tuned into your body very acutely. I have scared my wife, too, but my children are small, so they have been spared. When I get scared, I remind myself of the last scare, which turned out ok, but don't ignore real symptoms.
Be kind to yourself. If you need to lose weight, do it gracefully, based on joy for the pounds you do lose, not dread and concern or hating your body. I did Weight Watchers, it was what I can only call, very do-able and I didn't ever starve.
I'm sorry about your father. You have it right: find peace somehow. You have lots of inner strength, and a loving family. After my experiences, I can say prayer works, and I mean that without any preaching. Make the very best of your time, think about staying. Perhaps someone on the forum will need to hear how you got through it. :)Faith, spirituality, giving it to a higher level does good for many. Follow what you believe. Those beautiful babies give you a clue. We none of us live forver, but it is spring, the time for renewal, and you have a lot of healing and good things ahead. Paragliding? Your soul is finding you-- it's not lost! Cheers, mate! Hang in there!
RE: Broken Heart
Its uderstanable that you would still worry but i think more for your wife and children, take a day at a time until you feel stronger emmotionally as you need to acknowledge that you have been through some big traumas in your life take care of yourself and think postive . [sm=grouphug.gif]
RE: Broken Heart
The process your going through is normal, I believe, for someone who has justbeen through what has taken place for you. Its natural to reevaluate your position in life, its an opportunity one not many get. Do the work required to forgive your father, now when I say forgive I don't meanto say itsalright for your father to have done what he did to you. But to say he new know better and from this point you may be-able to forgive him.Theres so much we just let slide in our lives like telling the ones closest and dearest to us we love them and more than saying it, showing it. Let your children know they are cherished and the dearest things held close to your heart. This event has been given to you not to bring fear into you but to awaken your soul to all that you are. At present think through your life evaluate what need to change , and most of all use this gift wisely, its just a journey for your soul to use to grow .
RE: Broken Heart
Hi Fingers,
I missed your post originally, I don't know if you are still around.
You sound as though you are going through a common phase in grief, obviously heightened by the fact that you have had health scares yourself, this must be very difficult to deal with.
When I lost somebody close to me I became very very fearful of death, not of me dieing but of somebody else, mainly my husband, I had a young child and when my husband left for work I would cry every day and literally spend the day pacing in a panic waiting for him to come home, I would run throough terrible scenarios in my head constantly.
I don't think you can expect to feel better overnight, but I feel much better now and generally have a hold on my thoughts, I would think of a couple of little things that would ease the worry, then speak to your family and see if they can help, I obviously don't know what would help you but for instance, help with the weight loss or maybe not being left alone for periods of time. Then when you are okay with that move on to a couple of more things.
For me I had to stop watching television adverts because the cancer research and life insurance ad's upset me, and my husband would always ring me even if he was only running 2-3 minutes late because I would time him.
Have you spoken to your g.p., maybe counselling would help.
Finally, this is a great forum, you will always receive at the least a friendly ear, hope you come back soon.
Keep you chin up
Love Saffron
RE: Broken Heart
Just something I wanted to add ,
Your father used alcohol to bury his pain, through this you suffered,
Now you Bury your pain with food! And now your children suffer!
Can you see the pattern.We all have them, our live are filled withthese never ending systems brought to us by our parents. But you can change the program you where born to, just because your Father didn't do the work required doesn't mean you cant.
Work on yourself, change the pattern and your life will change as-well !
I wish you well!
RE: Broken Heart
Hi,
I'm sorry to hear your story, but help is at hand here..
When I read it, the essence that struck me most is called: Wild Horse
Wild Horse -- As a tonic of the heart, nurtures a sense of loving openness, belonging, and connection with others. Supports one in developing a deepened sense of self, nurturing strength, stamina and power in the depth of one's heart. Gently opens the Heart chakra. Provides support for those who are lonely, depressed, and have "lost heart."
[DLMURL] http://www.animalessence.com/what3.html#1 [/DLMURL]
How does that sound?
RE: Broken Heart
To Fingers: My husband had open-heart surgery nearly two years ago (but unfortunately through lack of oxygen, sustained brain damage and peripheral neuropathy in the form of burning feet and legs.) That is just by the way.
However, since then he also has had a very bad experience with pain which we thought was a heart attack, but turned out to be some form of gastric problem, and he was prescribed Pariet tabs twice a day, before breakfast and before dinner at night. (It is a form of indigestion type relief, like Losec). He has had no problems with that type of pain since. Worth looking into, for your problem. Best wishes.
RE: Broken Heart
I thought I would give an update on things.
About six months ago the doctor referred me to a physiologist as all tests had come back to say all was well with the old ticker. Within the first hour of our chat she had concluded my problem was "Panic Attacks". Sure enough within 2 months of my first chat I was starting to deal with them. Recognising them starting to come on, then allowingit to happen, and ease away, a little like a wave. I would be getting around 10-20 per day and lasting from 5 mins to 30 mins. After 4 months the frequency was reducing andI was starting to get sick of them "oh for goodness sake, here we go again" type of attitude. There seamed to be no patternto when they would come on, it could be during a little stress or during total relaxation. Ihad 3 visits to the physiologist over 3 months and it done me the world of good.
6 Months on and I cant remember the last attack, oh now thinking about it I did have a little one after walking up Cross Fell to go paragliding 3 weeks ago. I think this was more to do with intense exercise then suddenly stopping which drops the blood pressure and having low blood pressure makes me feel a little giddy.
So on the whole I feel great! and getting better.