Anger - healthy or destructive?

Hi Celtia,

I think anger can be a positive emotion as it gives us the energy to 'do' something about the thing that is making us angry. It is a natural emotion and we have to learn how to use it in a productive way and not just lash out.

I know from my own experience that being angry gives me the push to change what is causing that anger. Just 'stewing' doesn't have the same effect lol.

Love and light

reikiangel

xxx

LOL, Reikiangel, I've just been reading our posts on this 'oldie' of which the thread title here reminded me:

https://www.healthypages.co.uk/forum/showthread.php?t=6444
Anger ~ is it OK?

Gosh! That was six years ago, but I see neither of us has changed our views much in the meantime:

A question came up in another forum as to whether anger was ever appropriate.

My view is that anger is just another emotion, no better or worse than, say, sadness or joy. The problems begin when we are told, perhaps at a very early age, that anger is not OK, and those problems are then exacerbated because this "bad" feeling is suppressed, rather than given a healthy outlet. So it is stuffed, rather than allowed expression in the moment, to erupt later in life.

To me, anger is OK, it's what we do with it that makes the difference.

Or should I now (and I do love this expression!) just get my coat .....

Holistic

Thanks to Celtia for starting this thread, and as there will have been such a change of membership between then and now, with some members leaving and many others joining us, it will be very interesting to watch this one unfold 🙂

Holistic

EDIT: Spin off from this thread:

https://www.healthypages.co.uk/forum/showthread.php?t=72149

I suppose it depends if anger is enmeshed with other aspects of character it can be regarded as destructive rather then a healthy outlet? Is it wrapped up in a parcel with jealousy, fear, control, low self esteem, or with a sense of injustice and self empowerment?

e.g. 1,A person can express anger regarding an illness, out into the open with no-one as a "Target", it can be a healthy outlet....those feelings need an expression.

e.g. 2 Diverted anger, i.e. previously suppressed anger which is given an outles in an inapropriate manner to an unsuspecting recipient is not healthy. Such as, anger at a work colleague, but it doesn't come out until three days later as road rage!

Hello Rachel,

Like I said in the other thread I feel anger is a healthy emotion to take ownership of although it is a new emotion to me as I always equated it with abuse which is my family's excuse for issuing violent threats and being verbally abusive, knowing too well how it felt to be on the recieving end of such treatment I never showed anger for this reason, now after many years I have learned it's ok to be angry or say you are angry at someone or something without being abusive, I think it's when anger and abuse are confused that is the problem.
Experience has also taught me that holding onto to anger is not good for us, for me personally it manifested in physical illness and my inabaility to admit that I was not as in touch with my feelings as I always claimed I was.
If it's not confused with or mixed with abuse then I can't see anything destructive about it.

Love

Rebecca x

On balance I think I agree with you Becky. Sometimes people have good reason to be angry and holding on to it can be the destructive thing. I believe that unresolved anger is a factor in depession, addictions, abuse (to self and others) and of course as you say physical illnesses - and on and on.

Taking it out and looking at the issue you are angry about and achieving closure is surely a type of healing.

Anger for me has an object - I am angry ABOUT someting. I can pin down the focus of my anger and hopefully ultimately deal with it.

Rage is something else entirely and there have been a number of times in my life when I have felt overwhelmed by unfocused rage at life in general. There was no object. I was just full of rage. Clearly something must have triggered it, but I didn't know what it was so I just turned it on myself. This IS destructive in my opinion, and when sustained did lead to me becoming depressed. So there is a difference for me I think. Anger - healthy. Rage - unhealthy.

What a good memory you have Holistic to look this up lol. Well, at least we are consistant with our thoughts!

I agree that rage is something entirely different because it is impotent...rage is when you CAN'T change the situation I think?

Love and light

reikiangel

xxx

We all lose our cool now and then.

True, the occasional anger-induced tantrum is an inescapable part of human life, experts say.

Yet there is a distinction between normal anger and anger that's unhealthy and destructive.

"Anger, in general, is healthy," explains Dr. Carole D. Stovall, a Washington, D.C.-based psychologist who consults individuals and corporations on issues such as anger management. "Just like sadness or happiness, it's a normal emotion. Where people get into trouble is when anger becomes a behavior that is physically, verbally or emotionally inappropriate.

"If somebody accidentally bumps us in the subway, that's an irritation, but if we explode over that, it's clearly more than that person bumping us," explains Stovall, noting that chronic and excessive anger usually indicates deeper issues in a person's life.

"It's a complex mix of many different things having to do with our emotions, environmental factors--stress, racism--all those things enter into the equation," she says.

Over time, unchecked anger carries a host of consequences. High blood pressure, cardiovascular disorders and heart disease, aggravation to diabetes, kidney malfunction, urinary problems, weakened immune system, digestive disorders, prolonged headaches and even cancer are among the health problems associated with chronic anger.

"When we're angry, there's damage done to the systems that keep us healthy," says psychologist Dr. Ernest H. Johnson of Raleigh, NC, author of Brothers on the Mend: Understanding and Healing Anger for African American Men and Women. "So we're more prone to cancer, including this prostate problem that a lot of men are going through. In the end, for many people who have problems really expressing and dealing with their feelings, there's early mortality--dropping dead from a stroke or a heart attack, kidney disease or breast cancer."

Sorry for the dealy in replying - it seems that I am about to be seriously outnumbered but even so here at last is my response.

We all have our highs and lows when it comes to emotions – some I believe are constructive, they improve us and work to increase our spirituality. This is true of love, of compassion and of tolerance. These can carry a lot of passion – true of all the emotions.
The converse of these are more destructive, hate, anger and xenophobia – these also carry a lot of passion.
Each of these raise our energy levels, sometimes allowing us to achieve things we would otherwise not have managed, but this is done at the expense of our spiritual growth. The results of anger often reflect onto others in a very negative manner, children are especially vulnerable to this, and we frequently reinforce negative stereotypes onto children when we are angry. Usually we react in anger way beyond the kind of response that is in proportion to the issue.
We speak and act in a manner that we would not if we were calm and took time to think – this is not true of the positive emotions. The way we behave when angry means that we often brush others aside, say things that we regret later and once these actions and words are played out they can never be withdrawn.
The internal effects of anger though are far more important. They create within us grudges that remain even when the anger has passed. They create regret or shame and this colours our lives and how we live, diminishing us and the regret or shame gnaws at us for a long time. Even when we convince ourselves that ‘we were right’ we do so by putting up borders, refusing to see the other’s point of view and becoming totally self-centred.
This creates blockages in our energy, it raises hormones that are meant for flight or fight, primitive means of survival that are barely relevant in today’s world.
Avoiding anger is not easy – thought before action, and seeing things in perspective, tolerance and finding the peace and love within all help to allow us to react in a more reasonable manner.
Anger is totally different to the positive emotions, those that allow us to build connections with people, those that make us happy to be alive and glad to be spiritual beings, those that allow us to walk with grace and a smile on our faces.

Love
chris

I totally agree with you, Chris. IMV anger is a negative emotion and over the years I have taught myself to witness it as it arises in me (usually in the belly) and watch as it then dissipates (hopefully.) I do not like to become angry, I feel it is harmful to my body and my mind, but it's not easy to avoid it.

I agree anger can be expressed in a negative way and be hurtful but sometimes we should be angry eg against unfairness and injustice and sometimes we need anger to give us the passion & energy to change things.

Like any emotion too much about the wrong things isn't good but there is a positive side if we can acknowledge our anger and channel it constructively. Not sure I always manage it though......

Jx

I prefer not to judge an emotion as either positive or negitive. It is just part of life, part of experience. If an emotion then leads to certain behaviour than perhaps that behaviour can be fairly judged.

Better to acknowledge the emotion, and try to relate to it in a rational non-judgemental way.

One thing I hate is other people trying to be positive when I'm feeling angry or down. It feels like they're trying to deny my emotions. I think it is more helpful if people acknowledge them and allow you to express them.