And you are right on more than one level. Part of why I am OK with this experience is that I have had a great deal of self reflection on the very subject of why some of the things said bother me so much.
As one of those bright artistic children, that did not do well in school but did very well studying at home alone or endless hours in the library. As a person always feeling on the outside and not being able to force interest in sports, politics or any exciting or contentious activity. As a person unwilling to play the pecking order game until later in life when having my own business forced me. Unwilling to fight unless backed into a corner and had no other option.
I came to a realization of a "label" if you will, a definition or a category that I fall into. And this came at a time if great awakening in me (spiritually and psychic ly). A time of upheaval, during a time of great searching and study, triggered by a reiki healing session. A vulnerable time. A joyous time, a frightening time. The label was comforting.
I came here, or was lead here. But the questions that came in response to some of my questions...
Why do you need a label? Why do you want to be special? How do you know you have a misson? Why do you have to have a mission? That there was some disconect with my oneness and connection with self, others and the source. OMG? Questions that undermined my joy at finding or reconecting with who I am and why I always felt outside and different. OK I'm different. It's Ok. I'm not the only one. Where are others like me? Let's have coffee?Because I was a natural healer and I am a Reiki master/teacher (in two traditions) and this event was triggered by a energy healing...I found my way here thinking this might be an experience had by others on this same kind of path. To have it suggested that I go elsewhere is funny. I get it. Until I find the "others" like me, I will not fit anywhere. I get it. I am OK with it.
I have always seen my end life as a hermit, witch, crone, artist in a cabin in the woods, being sought out by those in need of comfort. Strange vision I know. But I'm Ok with that also.
When I say I bless the experience... I hold not pain, anger or resentment against anyone and take this as a learning exercise. In other words...I remember the lesson but let go of the emotional conection to the discord (real or imagined) 🙂
Hello Stephanie
I hope you don't mind have made some comments in bold.
And you are right on more than one level. Part of why I am OK with this experience is that I have had a great deal of self reflection on the very subject of why some of the things said bother me so much.( Has your time of self reflection opened more doors to awareness? Brought you to an understanding as to why some of the things said bothered you so much?)
As one of those bright artistic children, that did not do well in school but did very well studying at home alone or endless hours in the library. As a person always feeling on the outside and not being able to force interest in sports, politics or any exciting or contentious activity. As a person unwilling to play the pecking order game until later in life when having my own business forced me. Unwilling to fight unless backed into a corner and had no other option. ( A touching paragraph Stephanie, I felt here you had searched and arrived at a place within your heart as you described the above, yet feeling a sense of resentment to the things you may have missed, yet today trying to come to an understanding of reality as to possibly why. This is a nice thought to share.)
I came to a realization of a "label" if you will, a definition or a category that I fall into. And this came at a time if great awakening in me (spiritually and psychically). A time of upheaval, during a time of great searching and study, triggered by a reiki healing session. A vulnerable time. A joyous time, a frightening time. The label was comforting.( I agree labels are comforting, in my view we may go through acquiring different labels at the times they are needed in our lives in order to get us through these seasons of growth. In time in my view over time labels begin to drop like a feather to the ground as we no longer see their use or value. All labels gone we begin to see ourselves fade in slowly)
I came here, or was lead here. But the questions that came in response to some of my questions...
Why do you need a label? Why do you want to be special? How do you know you have a mission? Why do you have to have a mission? (Something other than the material world before us in my view will always attract the attention of others, at all levels of awareness, to those who seek to be where you are now and to those who may wish to share their experience who may have followed the path that you now travel and in a way of compassionate giving shining the light back for you, not to judge your lifes path but to join with you in your times of ecstatic and turmoil moments, to read of your experiences, discussing all that is. To come forth as one who finds their mission and connects as a light worker may attract questions of understanding, inquiring and the wonder of others.
ofThat there was some disconnect with my oneness and connection with self, others and the source. OMG? Questions that undermined my joy at finding or reconecting with who I am and why I always felt outside and different. OK I'm different. It's Ok. I'm not the only one. Where are others like me? Let's have coffee? ( Is it not a possibility that after searching the world we come to find that sometimes the answers are right there within and before you?. That which challenges us in life is possibly something we may need to ask what am I to learn here? )
Because I was a natural healer and I am a Reiki master/teacher (in two traditions) and this event was triggered by a energy healing...I found my way here thinking this might be an experience had by others on this same kind of path.( I expect there is a high possibility you are correct, consider others who may have been on the same path but different experiences! Or on a different path with similar experiences! So many different ways and travels, so many different experiences, yet strip to the naked the core of all these I then consider becoming are we now all one? The unspoken language of one? Maybe we can now drink all the same brand of coffee?) 😉
To have it suggested that I go elsewhere is funny.( To go elsewhere is not to leave but maybe consider expanding into new territories of growth, to connect and share in more ways than one)
I get it. Until I find the "others" like me, I will not fit anywhere. I get it. I am OK with it.
I have always seen my end life as a hermit, witch, crone, artist in a cabin in the woods, being sought out by those in need of comfort. Strange vision I know. But I'm Ok with that also.( Are you OK with this?this seems like a sad thought, It does seem a strange vision? I felt this as to see life as escaping to an aged life surrounded by isolation, yet being aware that behind there are people who run to seek comforting? The deepest secluded places can prove such a challenge for those who seek comfort. I wondered is it that only the strongest who survive the search for comfort may be worthy of the comfort that they have been seeking for?, the ones who reach their place of comfort could be witnesses to you as to how they are so determined?, conditional love?. Being rewarded with worthiness, being valued, recognized and appreciated for they no longer have to fight for the comfort in turn hoping that what is given to them is expected as to be returned?.)
When I say I bless the experience... I hold not pain, anger or resentment against anyone and take this as a learning exercise.( As it is for all ) In other words...I remember the lesson but let go of the emotional connection to the discord (real or imagined) 🙂
I have always believed in being transparent. To express how one feels within is to release without.
In my view Stephanie I found since your first post you have grown, I found less direct judgements and your expressions and feelings slowly beginning to take structure and a heartfelt connection from within over the course of this discussion began to surface in places. I felt each post has led you to connect deeper within which has been expressed.( Maybe this was the lesson you mentioned?)
I feel this post may have arrived at a point where now a real opportunity is here for you to embrace the care and compassion from your HP family, in my view have a compassionate understanding and that throughout the heated moments of this discussion still continue to support and express love in whatever way is expressed by each individual. All is meant well.
You may have asked earlier why people were still responding. Well maybe its the human compassion?, a possible understanding in each own way?, a wanting to help?, learn and grow with you in discussions?. Or maybe consider people may have been where you are too? Or pure and simply Care.:grouphug:
Consider not letting a genuine caring environment be fearful, it wont go away if you reached out with your desire to share your mission and light worker, feel free to share what other people may not know!
I wish to end with something I feel is correct to quote at this time, one of my long time favorite quotes from a sort of higher intelligent light being alien spoken to a human being in the film Contact:
You're an interesting species, an interesting mix. You're capable of such beautiful dreams and such horrible nightmares. You feel so lost, so cut off, so alone, only you're not. See, in all our searching, the only thing we've found that makes the emptiness bearable is each other.
I hope you continue to be as compassionately expressive as you are and would look forward to see you for a long time posting as a family member of HP.:)
Take Care
Sacrel
Sacrel
You may or may not have noticed...but I trusted you. I did what you asked 3 times.
I was afraid of your judgements until you PM me one evening. Then I allowed myself to trust you.
[COLOR="DarkRed"] THIS IS AN EDIT...I am so glad I took your advice. I am so glad I trusted you. Thank you for taking the time to respond and teach me. I can say these things because of the support and insight you gave me.
I have been extremely open and exposed on this chatroom to the point almost to baring my soul. Thinking maybe they don't understand. No one started commitment proceedings or burned me at the stake. Which was good 🙂 But everybody doesn't have to understand. If they still think my thinking needs correcting...that's Ok. When I say "that's Ok"? It means: I am no longer effected by their difference in thought. They don't have to understand. I am no longer connected to the outcome of this conversation. It's "OK" if people don't understand. ..because now I do.
The cabin in the woods...surounded by the spirits of the trees. They themselves filled with birds and little animals. The forest filled with its own music, alive in the singular joy of living and reproducing. The silence from technology and the emotions, anger and distress of populations. To do my art and maybe write. Yet I will be available, on call, so to speak, for comfort and healings.
PS...My daughter has 40 acres and there will be a well worn path between her house to my cabin in the woods... made by my grandchildren.
You may or may not have noticed...but I trusted you. I did what you asked 3 times.
I was afraid of your judgements until you PM me one evening. Then I allowed myself to trust you.
Hi Stephanie
I am sorry you feel this way. I had joined you in conversation, read your posts and shared my understanding and experience to the lightworker question. I was interested about your announcement of a mission and if you felt comfortable may wish to share how you came to believe you had a mission, a part of being in active communication on a forum which has conversations.
Offering help,considerations and possibilities of thought are discussed all the time, as mentioned earlier consider what is of value to you and discard the rest, you have free will and responsible for all the decisions you make, yet to ask another to 'do something' has not been given to you. If you decided to consider others views, beliefs and advice they are yours to do as you wish but in my view should not expect others life experiences to turn out exactly as your own.
My PM was in response to your first PM which I understand it is only respectable to respond to a message. Sharing my experiences and offering words of comfort which you had responded with appreciation.
People express their beliefs,views and experiences in their own way, my conversations to you were all in good faith and in my view built trust in turn allows for a more trusting conversation I apologize if you felt this was not the case.
In my thoughts I believe trust has slowly built. maybe consider why you felt this was not the case?.
Take Care
Sacrel
[COLOR="DarkRed"]OH MY THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!
I trusted you, did what you suggested and was able to come to the growth I was meant to have.
You helped me greatly in this progression of thought.
I am so sorry I didn't communicate that properly.
I trusted you. YOU UNDERSTAND. I did what you suggested and it was great advice.
I did it afraid. I took the risks.
Your pm on a dark night helped me to see light when it seemed so dark. To be calm, stand back and look at what was happening from a point of safety.
Thank you for taking the time to respond to me and teach me. I am so sorry my communication missed the mark.
You responses were so eloquent and soul repairing that I wouldn't mind if our communication was made public if you think it would help others.
Hi Stephanie
My sincere apologies. I mis understood your post as if I had mis directed my views in some way which affected your trust.:)
You know It is interesting by dropping our guards, moving towards becoming transparent can help bring people together on all our paths. In the end we find it is the relationship between each other and others that heal:)
PM's are personal to the ones sent to but I have no problem posting as you wish to happen. As follows.
Hello Stephanie
I feel from your writing a sense of experiencing something which has been unexpected yet a part of you seems to be trying to validate the change in your paths direction was meant to be.
A battle of survival between the old Stephanie wanting to resurface from the life she once had and the new Stephanie trying to establish herself driven by an underlying change seems to be happening. In turn possibly leaving you with the following feelings, confused, anxious, having to become isolated, resenting the way you are having to experience certain times of serving light that may not feel right to you?, a loss of self will due to being expected to leave an old life in turn for serve to being a light worker.
I sense a feeling of not being able to tell people round you how you feel and what you are experiencing being unsure of their reactions? In turn may force you into isolation and may find what were once friends seem to have become distant.
You mentioned I cant defend this. I shouldn't have to. Why do you feel you need to defend it. How would this survive if you didn't defend it?. Could forgive those who directly or indirectly seem to challenge your view and they are not aware?
Consider also there are many who wish to have a mission of love, light and healing, to experience a lift from the everyday rigors of the human race, the horrible and hurtful parts of their life they wish no longer to experience, yet knows not how to get there?
You had mentioned In truth...I feel a little. Like I'm drowning. . It feels like they just pushed my head down a little more in the water.
I felt this statement was a truthful part of you which surfaced from the turmoils and confusion which I felt you may currently be experiencing as you have begun to experience the changes.
Do you feel you need others validations to what you are going through? To be witnesses to your unsure of the requirements you feel that have been placed upon you?. I can understand how this is important because by others connections and experiences can you then have some comfort that what you are feeling and experiencing is experienced by someone else.
To give you a confirmation that everything is ok, that what you are driven too is a part of your awakening and not to be afraid.
The feeling of your head being pushed down in the water more I seem to feel the sense of a struggle with what you are having to live with, to try to get an understanding and to try to live your life the best way possible as a lightworker which you may feel has been without warning placed upon you.
I can understand the feeling of isolation, the hermit example which I can say is a common experience, yet some see the hermit activity as a retraction from society, a retraction from that the entire ego sees before it. This is one of the sacrifices of being a lightworker and can be a lonely task. With the need to share with others your views on lightworkers and your experiences that may not have had an awakening may well lead them to have a confused understanding as they are not able to experience as you do.
Stephanie in truth you sound like a wonderful person, one who has a hunger to connect with something other than undesired parts of life. To want to give out to all around you what you feel inside, what you feel inside is so overwhelming, so loving to you, so wonderful that you feel everyone who suffers in this world should know and benefit from, If only people knew? if only they could see and feel what you can, the healing people could feel, how their lives could be so loving? And may sometimes wonder why others dont seem to accept what you so desire to give.
Maybe as a lightworker part of your growth is learning to express what you feel in the face of others expressing what they feel is right and sometimes questioning your belief. Keeping a calm and understanding composure in the knowledge that others may not understand or may not yet be ready too? Consider a picture of a small red robin standing on the edge of a branch, content, undisturbed, wise and humble behind it rumbles a strong and noisy waterfall
It is my feeling and compassion which responds in this way with good intentions. But I am honored that you have had the courage to express everything in your message and hope to have replied in a way you may connect with. If not feel free to correct me, so I may have more of an understanding, coming closer to the truth and the core of the source.
I hope you may continue sharing and learning here on your path as I expect others will with you.:)
Blessings to you,Take Care
Sacrel
Sacrel,
I want to cry reading this again. I hope someone else can put their name instead of mine and get the benefit of your compassion and teaching.
I am so glad you understand. I have been sending you a message of apology to take away the sting of the misunderstanding.
I hope you felt it 🙂
I had an impact thought...about the law of attraction. My experience and perception of chatrooms is not possitive. I may have created or missinterpretated some of the responses. Hmmmmmm? And the emails from others with that kind of feeling may have reinforced that belief. Hmmmmm?
But of course it's not that simple; so much was going on in what seemed like a few days. It was an avalanche of change.
It's all about perception, isn't it?
Hmmmmmmm? Maybe I owe Paul an apology also? I'll think about that tomorrow.
Reading "No time for Karma". Great book. Lots of thoughts to chew on.
Sacrel,
I want to cry reading this again. I hope someone else can put their name instead of mine and get the benefit of your compassion and teaching.
I am so glad you understand. I have been sending you a message of apology to take away the sting of the misunderstanding.
I hope you felt it 🙂
I had an impact thought...about the law of attraction. My experience and perception of chatrooms is not possitive. I may have created or missinterpretated some of the responses. Hmmmmmm? And the emails from others with that kind of feeling may have reinforced that belief. Hmmmmm?
But of course it's not that simple; so much was going on in what seemed like a few days. It was an avalanche of change.
It's all about perception, isn't it?
Indeed Stephanie, it is about perception, and from your words it sounds as though you are re-reading what people have posted and have perhaps perceived something different in what they have been saying to you.
The majority of people who take part in the discussions on Healthypages are here to discuss things with likeminded people (and if you want to label us all as lightworkers that's ok, though many of us don't use such labels) and whilst we all come from different backgrounds and have different knowledge and understanding of the 'spiritual' or 'philosphical' stuff we talk about, we are often learning different things from each other, and recognising that a lot of what we talk about is the same thing, just in different words, and occasionally there will be times when people agree to disagree on things, and that's fine, we each have our own beliefs or non-beliefs about certain aspects. I've frequented a few other forums myself and whilst there were some genuinely nice people there, it sometimes appeared that there was a lack of moderation (not specifically from moderators, but also from the members themselves) in how they discussed things with each other, and often things could end up with nasty words being said, or groups of 'regulars' blatenly picking on people who were just trying to understand or who had a different way of thinking. On Healthypages we do try and ensure that everyone is free to express their own opnions and beliefs and knowledge and as the owner's forum guidelines say, we can discuss things and agree to disagree in a friendly manner. Occasionally there are people who clearly aren't being friendly and the moderators have to step in or advise them to heed the guidelines, and then often they will recognise that this is a place for friendly discussion, and not some sort of battlefield (I used to visit a science based forum once, but the attitude of people was particularly (and unnecessarily) venomous).
I can see how it's been a bit of an avalanche for you, and I think you'd get that on any forum that has an active member community where everyone is keen to share when a question is asked. What seems good is that you've come out the other side of the avalanche, maybe a little battered and bruised, but certainly more understanding of how the snow falls, and now you can look back at the landscape and see the beauty in the terrain. 😉
All Love and Reiki Hugs
I wish I knew how to do this last week:newangel:
[url]Signs of A Lightworker - Lightworkers Waking up 2012 and Beyond - YouTube[/url]
[url]What is a Lightworker? - YouTube[/url]
[url]The Healing Power of Lightworkers - YouTube[/url]
[url]We are the Lightworkers - YouTube[/url]
[url]The Lightworker's Manifesto - YouTube[/url]
These links are for edification only. I am not trying to convert or gather followers:)