I'd been seeing a male massage client for a couple of months now. He came to me for back pain, especially in the lower back. The first time he came, I explained the massage routine (as I do with all clients...legs, arms, legs, back). The massage was going well, and when I came to the back, I tucked in the towel to his underwear and lowered it to his crack (I really don't know the correct term here!) After a while of working his back, he lowered the towel a little, and asked if I was ok with it. I didn't feel uncomfortable, but didn't massage his bum either. I just found his tone a bit creepy. This happens the second time he books in, and starts making noises as if he's really enjoying it (especially in his thigh muscles) - again a little creepy.
So the next time he books, he's wanting a home visit. I explained I only visit females and besides, he lives a 10 min walk from my clinic. I saw him today and what happened just infuriated me!
Again, when it came to his back, he lowered the towel, TOTALLY exposing his buttocks. He asked if that was ok, and I replied fine, but only massaged the top area as usual. He then asked if he should turn over. I knew exactly what he was getting at, so asked him to repeat himself. He asks again, so I ask him why would he want to turn over? He seemed a little taken aback, and said so I can massage his chest. Chest? I've never touched his chest in the past! I firmly said no, and carried on the massage, feeling a bit weird and cut the massage short by 10 mins. If he had turned over, the whole of his nether regions would be on view.
When I went back in after he changed, I explained that it he wanted his bum and chest massaged, he'd be better seeing the guy who works at the clinic, as he's a sports masseur! He was very sheepish, but think he got the message never to get in touch again.
I feel really annoyed with the fact I thought that we were really making progress, when all along he was thinking about extras. And the fact it took 3 appointments! Atleast when you get the odd dodgy phonecall you can filter these people out, but this feels like a break down of trust.
I'm worried that I'm going to have this thought in the back of my mind with every male client. I am a trusting person, but like to think I had a good sense of people's motives. This guy was smart, middle-aged, kids, wife, top job - even though he seemed totally legit, looking back I'm annoyed with myself for not listening to my senses from the beginning. Thank goodness I never agreed to a home visit.
Thanks for listening - rant over x
You're perfectly entitled to all your feelings. This guy is a creep and don't think he's not aware of what he's done because he is. He obviously got a kick out of your discomfort otherwise he wouldn't have gone there. What is wrong with men who don't just go to a "sauna" or a old-fashioned lady of the night to get their kicks? I guess they're not only creeps but cheap too - as they sure as hell would have to pay a lot more for what they're really after.
Saying that I have many, many male clients who are all lovely - I had one creepy old man once [yuck!] and strangely enough I had a bad feeling about him on the phone and this episode confirmed to me to ALWAYS trust my intuition. I'd rather be a fee shorter and have less agro in my life.
I know hindsight is a wonderful thing - but you were perfectly entitled to terminate the massage right then and there. As SOON as you had any weird feelings about the guy. After all, what's he going to do - never book again? Bovvered 🙂
As you can see I feel rather strongly about this topic too.
Thank you so much - that's really made me feel heaps better 🙂
I was thinking the exact same thing about him being cheap - jeez, the girls I've seen advertised certainly don't cost £30 an hour!!
You're right, instincts should definately not be ignored - I could tell from the first appointment, but actually had an inkling he may be gay - I even asked my gay friends about which hand he would wear his wedding ring on (he always wore a band on his left hand.) I guess I thought if he was gay then I was just being silly, and his over friendly emails had been taken the worng way. But early on in today's appointment he mentions doing the school run, and when i sound surprised that he has kids, it's quite obvious he doesn't want to talk about it. Now I know why!
I too, have many many lovely male clients, and I don't want this idiot to ruin anything. I think the worst feeling is that he knows I'm married, and it really is very very obvious I offer nothing but what I advertise - where would you get such bizarre ideas from?!
And to make things worse, today is my first wedding anniversary, and all I can think about is his spotty buttocks!! 😮 lol
I had a similar experience but it was it his first treatment, and I had just started the job.
I asked the client if he could lie on his stomach for his bns massage, he asked first WHY!! the towels I made a excuse saying it would make you more comfortable and warm. He took it for gospel., The massage went on he started saying sing for me, I dont sing, more like a cats chorus on a bad day.
The massage went on in my massage I stand at the top of the head to gain more pressure, I do this on occasions that I feel the pressure is light.
On doing this the man put his arms round my waist, i jumped back, saying that he was sorry, so sorry.
I finished the massage, told the manager what happened. She said that has never happened to me in all the time I have being doing massage.
SORRY!! I never pursue this as myself turning on the client, saying it was my fault.
Now I never work for a employer as a therapist, after this. I work, as a mobile therapist, as if this happened, I would do something about it,. TOUCH WOOD THIS NEVER HAPPENS AGAIN.
Sorry for your rotten experience.
My fingers crossed it wont happen again for you, put it down to bad experience.
The massage went on he started saying sing for me, I dont sing, more like a cats chorus on a bad day.
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Oh my goodness - did you sing to him? What a nutcase! Sorry this happened to you - as my husband said this evening - men can be total ****ers.
hi sunflower 25-as a male reading this, it doesnt bode well - but not all men are the same. Before you take any other male massages, emphasise the treatment they will receive. Control all towel covering yourself - client should not move towels. Stop massage if they do not comply and ask him leave. Oh, ask for payment before massage just in case and leave the door half open! Or, call a colleague - safety first!
Hope this helps - you can always rant again.
Pathways (Ron)
I think it depends on what mens perecption of massage is, most men think of relaxation, to help with pain etc. but some men see massage as a sensual act and even if they go to have a with the idea of having a massage to relax as soon as it starts it flicks a switch. I worked in London hotels and in beauty salons in the west end and city and I could tell when a man thought of massage in this way, they would find any reason for them to make contact, at the hotel they would out right ask if I did extras which I would innocently reply 'oh yes we do manicures, pedicures facials etc' I was only 19 years old I think think they would just think I was too young to understand, but it worked well. I had one man at a salon I worked at, that when I returned to the room to tidy up he had left something on the couch (I wont say what but I stopped treating mens for years after!!!).
But now after having a women only salon for 9 years the last 3 years we have started to treat men, and if someone comes in and we get a bad vibe from them we say they have to be recommended by an exsiting client of the salon, they get upset but go and we never hear from them again, the ones that do a get a recommedation are always ok.
I understand how you feel I stopped treating men for 11 years after that happened and even now I feel a bit worried if I have a new male client, but I think its good to be a bit concerned with every new male client as it keeps us on alert and safe.
Vicki X.
Thanks Ron - that's sound advice.
Luckily I have a panic alarm in my room, and there's always plenty of people about, so I didn't feel threatened, just a bit disappointed and annoyed with myself. The most uncomfortable bit was the confidence he had ie. moving towels
I shall take payment before from now on, as the worst bit was facing him afterwards - I just cringed but didn't want to show that he'd gotten to me.
I know men aren't all the same - I think my husband was just trying to make me feel better 🙂
I think it depends on what mens perecption of massage is, most men think of relaxation, to help with pain etc. but some men see massage as a sensual act and even if they go to have a with the idea of having a massage to relax as soon as it starts it flicks a switch. I worked in London hotels and in beauty salons in the west end and city and I could tell when a man thought of massage in this way, they would find any reason for them to make contact, at the hotel they would out right ask if I did extras which I would innocently reply 'oh yes we do manicures, pedicures facials etc' I was only 19 years old I think think they would just think I was too young to understand, but it worked well. I had one man at a salon I worked at, that when I returned to the room to tidy up he had left something on the couch (I wont say what but I stopped treating mens for years after!!!).
But now after having a women only salon for 9 years the last 3 years we have started to treat men, and if someone comes in and we get a bad vibe from them we say they have to be recommended by an exsiting client of the salon, they get upset but go and we never hear from them again, the ones that do a get a recommedation are always ok.
I understand how you feel I stopped treating men for 11 years after that happened and even now I feel a bit worried if I have a new male client, but I think its good to be a bit concerned with every new male client as it keeps us on alert and safe.
Vicki X.
That's really got me thinking - I've been wanting to start treating females-only as I specialise in fertility and pregnancy therapies. May be the right time!
I do not want to worry women, just for women to be alert and aware of what could happen, we do treatments on men, but we are careful. Me personally I would never go to a mans house to do a massage unless they were well know to you and you know another female will be there. Why take the risk.
You could always try the female only for a while just to give yourself time to get over your experience, then start taking me back with the view of being selective.
Good luck with everything. x
Hi all I just need to put a small point in the conversation..... A few weeks ago I was asked by a good client if I had time to see one of her friends, she was having problems....lol oh was she EVER !!!
I made the appointment and went (on time) to the house, a very nice BIG house I will add and a nice man of the cloth (cant say a lot more) leaving the house. It turns out I was to massage his wife !!!
Well Ill cut the story down, I said to the client WHEN I LEAVE THE ROOM to sort out her dress and leave her underwear on, lay on the couch and call me when she is on.... only to get a call.. walks in to find her with no clothes on standing asking haw I wanted her !! well starting the massage a little taken back found her fingures going places I did not want them to be so having to massage at arms lenth... but I did get leave and will never return ... so it does happen to us too.
I must say that has been the only time in 15 years !!
Hi Sunflower25,
So sorry to hear about your experience with your client. He was obviously pushing the boundaries. When I have a client with lower back pain I will include massaging the glutes either with my elbows over the towel and or on the skin but draping the towel in a way so only part of one side of the buttock is exposed. Of course for your situation your client was not behaving himself. I hope that your experience does not put you off treating men.
In 5 years I've only had one male client who wanted an extra part of his body massaged. He made a comment 10 minutes into the massage about him having a sexual disorder and that his normal therapist was naked when he had a massage. At this point I should have stopped but I carried on and told him that if he made any furtther comments like that then the massage would end.I told him that I was a professional therapist and what he was saying sounded like prostitiution which I did not do. So of course he then waited until the massage was over to ask for the extra bit of massage. Of course I refused. I was working at a clinic and before he left he told the receptionist that the massage was good but the therapist was not very friendly. The annoying thing about this client was that he claimed to have problems with his back and his knees. During his massage I did not include working on his glutes. If this ever happens again the session will be terminated at the first dodgy comment.
Mark that's shocking! 😮 I just do not know what goes through people's minds....
That's very good advice about buttocks Essence99 - shall use that from now on 🙂
In 4 years, this is my second dodgy customer - the first was booked in by the clinic (the first and only time - I usually vet clients first) when I first qualified. Halfway through the massage he asked if I could massage his wotsit, and something in me snapped - I firmly said no and asked him to get dressed. I charged him for the full appointment!
I slept well last night and it's not bothering me this morning - I just laugh when I think what an idiot this man was! There's no point feeling bad about myself - I did nothing wrong! 🙂
Thank you all for your kind words, anecdotes and support - I get the feeling that sadly everyone has an experience - we've just got to be safe x
You are quite correct, there are not many massage therapists who have not be asked for extras, a firm no is usually all that is required, if they argue then just tell them to get dressed and leave.
As massage therapists we need to become comfortable with peoples bodies, that is after all what we massage at the end of the day, with time we do become desensitised to the sight of undraped bodies and just get on with the job we are being paid to do.
I must say that the gluteals are an essential part of any back or a leg massage, the gluteals are one of the strongest set of muscles in the body and do a lot of work, they are just the same as any other set of muscles we work on to get rid of pain and tension and should not be thought of as something taboo.
Oh please don't think I'm uncomfortable with buttocks - I am qulaified in Lomi Lomi and often treat clients (this is traditionally done naked, but I never mention this until after the consultation, and only if intuition gives me the ok - I certainly don't advertise "naked massage"! ) I have absolutely no problem with massaging them, as long as it feels right and not "seedy". It is a body at the end of the day, I agree, but I'm sure some guys (as proved with my client yesterday) do not want their bum massaged, but what's on the other side!