Well I keep dreaming about the same girl I'm very fond of, if you look down the thread list there is a thread of mine about previous dreams I have had of her.
Well this time, I saw her at my college where we met, and we were talking, about what I don't remember...then the next minute I was carrying her, down this hill and at the bottom I saw alot of old friends from my School days, then I was walking back up the hill carrying her again, but this time for some reason she had no pants on! The next moment we were walking, and a friend I've recently met back up with said "what was *girls names* number?" The girl was an old friend who I was once also very very fond of, but I grew out of it, a teenage crush I think, and then I saw that same girl across the road, she seemed drunk and was just waving at me smiling... Afterwards, it was me and my best friend and the girl I like right now walking her home, she seemed quite upset, and then my friend put her arm around her and said something like "we will take you home" though it was pretty awkward, he's knows I like her and has been talking to her about me, apparently she likes me too but there is another guy shes likes also.
I have had other dreams about her too, almost every night now, it's getting really stressful I hate being so stressed because I like a girl. Please, can anyone explain my dream?
The girl of your dreams
Hi CT,
Sounds pretty normal stuff to me!
As we get to the stage in life where pairing off becomes a major part of what life is all about we have to deal with a whole new set of emotions. You could say that this is all just about changes in our psychology that result from hormones that effect behaviour and our thoughts but that really doesn't help us deal with drives for companionship and the drives to express our sexuality.
These drives are totally normal and everyone has to deal with them somehow but the big question you are asking is: "How do I not get to be controlled by obsessions over a particular girl?"
To start with it helps if we recognise that there are these drives we have; to express sexuality and drives to find companionshiip. We can then recognise that we have to somehow make some kind of decision about who we are going to explore our sexuallity with and who we are going to choose for companionship. Part of the apparent problem is not so much about our selecting a partner but we have to work out who also will respond receptively to our advances or vice-versa.
Recognising this process helps us realise that there is some level of choice going on here and if there is choice we have some degree of freedom in making a choice at least. If we make a choice and convince ourselves that this particular person is the object of our desires and our life needs this person we are trapping ourselves into obsession if this person is not receptive.
Furthermore, testosterone is a pretty heavy duty hormone, don't underestimate the powerful effect this has on the way you think. I know it's easy to say all this stuff but this is the challenge you have to deal with as a man... to prove your manhood even.
And what is it that a young woman wants: A man that can proove himself and part of this is proving that he is man enough to deal with the ravages of testosterone. There is little less attractive to a woman than a man who is obsessed with her. This is because he is not really interested in the woman who is the object of his obsession, he is obsessed with satisfying his sexual and emotional drives and has just come to some imbalanced conclusion that she is the answer to all of his needs. No one can satisfy an obsession like this and any woman that senses it will shy away from it because it would be impossible to satisfy.
The fact is: The more a young man recognises that all good things will come in time the more attractive he becomes. This is because he is able to show strength and independance and will prove to be a more reliable partner in the long run. He is more likely to be consistent as his interest in a particular woman is not based on his satisfying an obsession.
So... think about it... maybe learn to meditate to deal with the feelings in your body. Understand that you are not the unwilling subject to the drives that are expressed through the feelings in your body. I'd say that mindfulness meditation could really help here.
Being obsessed with a girl can be a hard one to crack. Surprisingly its one that most men have to learn how to deal with at some time in their lives and I'm no exception!
Good luck
Norbu
Have you asked this girl out? Perhaps being brave and asking her on a date will help.
Thank you, thank you so much.
It has happened twice in my life now, I really liked the the other girl in my dream (the one who my friend asked for the number) when I was about 17, and it almost destroyed our friendship, and like you said she did shy away from me and it broke me in half, I hated the rejection and it almost severed another friendship with a very good friend of mine. Now we are friends again and it is like it never happened, but now I look at her and think wow what was I thinking, shes a beautiful looking girl but she is such a far cry of how my kind of girl would be. And this new girl, "seems" perfect, I could go on right now of how much I like her and what is good about her but I know I shouldn't, because I know full well I shouldn't be thinking this way, not again, but I don't want it to be another sad "crush". I hate feeling like this, I hate feeling like I'm weak and needy, it just isn't me.
Now at 19 almost 20 I feel much more mature and more intelligient, and I swore to myself it would never happen again but it has...it shouldn't be happening not like this.
So your advice would be to not come on too strong? Don't saturate her with myself? Or try to forget about her?
I was looking at meditation earlier, it sounds a great idea to me, I'll check it out.
In reply to rosi
Well she knows now that I like her, and I know she likes me atleast a little, but when I heard she is also interested in another guy also it was a tough hit, I didn't know what to think, because I don't want to be rejected again.
Well she knows now that I like her, and I know she likes me atleast a little, but when I heard she is also interested in another guy also it was a tough hit, I didn't know what to think, because I don't want to be rejected again.
Ask her out. Go for a drink and you'll both find out a bit more about each other.
If you let things carry on as they are your infatuation might only grow. You could end up being left thinking 'if only' and 'what if'. She might reject you, but faint heart ne'er won fair maid as they say. If she did then it's not meant to be, and at least you'll know.
Don't go out with expectations and the worst you can do is make her a better friend. Good luck.