Dear All
Let me thank you in advance for being a listening ear to a problem I can't make sense of at the moment.
Currently I feel very distant from my partner. It's like the magic has gone. I look at him and wonder why I ever found him attractive. There are still glimpses of it but over the last few weeks it has become more prolonged.
I have started to think much more critically about the realtionship - he's 11 years older and has two children and when we are connected this doesn't bother me at all but now I'm thinking that I could do so much better! That sounds so awful and i can feel my heart breaking as the thoughts go through my mind but in effect thats whats going on in my head.
We've been together two and half years and been living together for 6 months. There is alot going on in my life - i've just finished my PhD and moved to a new town to be with him. We've also just had a stressful weekend away with his two boys who whilst lovely are still children and I'm not used to being around them so much. We are also buying a house.
We have spoken about it, its like the elephant in the room because normally we feel so close. He says that he feels at some level he is resenting me for tying him down (with the house etc). We are both actually quite solitary by nature and both have a morbid fear of settling down with the wrong person.
I think we are both working through subconscious patterns from the past but it is manifesting as a wall between us in the here and now.
I guess I am posting because i don't feel this is the end of our relationship. I therefore want to hear from epople in relationships that have been through the ebbs and flows. Also if anyone has any practices we should do together - meditations for couples, maybe yoga practices that we would be great.
We have an amazing relationship based on infinite love and respect and we haven't stopped communicating but that little bit of magic that normally permeates us doesn't seem there at the moment. Maybe this just reflects my lack of expereince in realtionships but i find it difficult.
Thanks for listening to me go on!!!
Sunbeamxxx
Hello Sunbeam,
I've been married 30 years, so have seen a few ebbs and flows.
A few years ago we had a big sort out to identify what held us together and what pushed us apart. The answer was quite simple, although harder to put into practise:
- Acknowledge and respect each others wants, needs, beliefs and views.
- make time for each other.
- always have time to have a kiss & cuddle.
- go to bed at the same time.,
- agree who does what.
And we've done that, it doesn't stop the ebbs and flows but it's given us greater confidence that we've made the right choice to be together and we're still gowing.
Myarka.
Hi Sunbeam,
I can highly recommend Diamond Light Tantra, (which isn't all about sex, incidentally). Attending a workshop, (my partner and I attended a one day workshop recently) can really help you to re-evaluate your relationship on a very deep level. You might find, as we did, a renewed love, mutual respect and joyfulness.
Good luck.
Thank you to both of you for your replies. Lots to think about. Much appreciated.
Love Sunbeam xxx