Has anyone had the experience of being left out or excluded at work? I'm wondering if anyone else is going through this? How does it feel to you? I am not rude, unpleasant, I haven't been promoted recently etc. etc. by the way. I am thinking that being at work is like being at school but without the friends! Yep, I am quiet and tend to just get on with things but being treated like a social outcast is not very nice. I'm wondering if it makes people feel better to have someone in the office that they treat like this.....
Mouse16, has it been a while since we last saw you or is it me?
You are hurt and sad and confused why they do this to you. Recognise that fear of being vulnerable keeps you vulnerable. Allow it you will gain strength you didn't know you had
Exclusion can be a sign that most don't get you. They cannot quite think and react like you do. It can even be a sign of inadequacy, jealousy or intimidation they feel with your presence. The reasons don't have to be negative. Your presence is challenging them somehow and tjhey take it out on you like that
Before you start searching your beliefs and blocks and see areas that you need to work on....bear that in mind.For many a people are mis understanding others ignoring them....it can be just that their wavelength and your don't match at all.
Your vibration is causing them unease. Now it can happen. Most people are bobbing on the same level and they seem to flock together. Then there are viobrations that are different from the majority....wee low or a wee high. They are always going to be ignored
Having said that keep your heart open to those who are leaving you out or giving you grief. Stay kind within. You will see the hurt is caused by you being mystified by it, or trying to undersatnd why they do this to you rather than by their actions. Why kills!
They are doing what they are capable of. but of you start judging them or yourself, you are just going along with their chosen way. Just see it is a mis match of frequencies by appreciating that in that your heart will feel more soothed rather than playing tthe game of victim or blame.
Make a conscious decision to have harmony around you and see those people only as perfection at the very core- just engrossed in what they find easy to act out- which is disharmony, picking on others, ignoring, acrimony etc etc because that is their familiar vibration. Not that they are bad just used to that vibration. Thats all.
Reasons why it is happening is not that important what is important though that you hold in your heart what you really want rather than what is hurting you. Feel the pain and it will move...
May there be peace in your heart
Yes, it has been a while since I've been on here.
I agree with the vibration/wavelength thing, but....to be honest it is hard to just accept when people make a point of leaving you out, it is like they are trying to say you are not good enough to talk to or interact with. And it makes a long day...... I'm constantly stuck in the battle not to take myself at their estimation. I'm sure it is all some lesson for me but it has gone on for 5 years now, wish I could find a place with people on the same wavelength.
Yes, it has been a while since I've been on here.
I agree with the vibration/wavelength thing, but....to be honest it is hard to just accept when people make a point of leaving you out, it is like they are trying to say you are not good enough to talk to or interact with. And it makes a long day...... I'm constantly stuck in the battle not to take myself at their estimation. I'm sure it is all some lesson for me but it has gone on for 5 years now, wish I could find a place with people on the same wavelength.
How were things before then? What happened 5 years ago? What do they do that makes you feel excluded?
Sally (in life coach mode!)
How were things before then? What happened 5 years ago? What do they do that makes you feel excluded?
Sally (in life coach mode!)
Nothing in particular happened 5 years ago, it is just that I have been in this job for that long. If there is a lunch I am not invited( unless it is something more formal that everyone goes to). Basically anything social or friendly I am left out. People interact with me if they want something otherwise they don't bother. Not everyone mind you, some are more pleasant and will have the occasional joke or chat about stuff. It has all gone much worse lately as someone I thought was more of a 'friend' has cut me off because I made the mistake of getting upset about being excluded yet again from a lunch.....I didn't say anything but I think they know I was upset, I decided to call them on treating me like crap and they can't handle it I think.
Hi Mouse, Maybe they are envious of your beauty. I had to put up with not nice people gossiping and talking about me behind my back for years in an office job, some of it was unwanted interest in my sexuality as they were gay (not all people are like that obviously). It says more about them than it does about you. I just mainly let it go. I think if it bothers you so much then try to be friendlier and see how they react, maybe they think that you are being aloof? (whether you are or not, some things can be perceived when not actually true). Some people just try to feel good about themselves by putting down others because they are so insecure and your confidence may annoy them. Lots of people have lots of issues. Maybe just hand one of the nicer people who go to the lunches a note saying that you are just wondering if there was a reason that you aren't invited to the social gatherings and should you be offended or have you annoyed someone somehow without knowing and see what they say back.
Paul - (probably not help at all 🙂
Nothing in particular happened 5 years ago, it is just that I have been in this job for that long. If there is a lunch I am not invited( unless it is something more formal that everyone goes to). Basically anything social or friendly I am left out. People interact with me if they want something otherwise they don't bother. Not everyone mind you, some are more pleasant and will have the occasional joke or chat about stuff. It has all gone much worse lately as someone I thought was more of a 'friend' has cut me off because I made the mistake of getting upset about being excluded yet again from a lunch.....I didn't say anything but I think they know I was upset, I decided to call them on treating me like crap and they can't handle it I think.
So were things OK in your previous job? One thing I have learned is that when people behave in a way that causes problems to others, the behaviour almost certainly has a protective purpose. With the details I have I can't work out who is protecting themselves from what - but if you can keep that idea in your mind it may give you a different perspective on the situation. Good luck
Has anyone had the experience of being left out or excluded at work? I'm wondering if anyone else is going through this? How does it feel to you? I am not rude, unpleasant, I haven't been promoted recently etc. etc. by the way. I am thinking that being at work is like being at school but without the friends! Yep, I am quiet and tend to just get on with things but being treated like a social outcast is not very nice. I'm wondering if it makes people feel better to have someone in the office that they treat like this.....
Hello Mouse,
Yes, I have had this experience - not at work, but in the remote community where I made my home many years ago. We had nearest neighbours who had parties where the entire community was invited - except us!
At the time, I was very upset. With the benefit of hindisght, I can see that we were, as Jnani has so beautifully phrased it, 'vibrating' differently. Our neighbours had middle class values and we didn't. The drew all the other people with middle class values, plus those that they could control, around them - but they couldn't get the measure of us and we were excluded.
The challenge of feeling an outsider is something that I still feel quite acutely, but I'm very pleased that I haven't passed it on to my children who get on easily and well with everyone. As I have encouraged them to do.
If I was to give advice to my younger self, it would be to get used to it - stop fighting it. Accept it. Make it my strength. I'd be lying if I said this was easy, because I'm still bothered by it/working on it, but it's probably the quickest way to the other side - which, at least for me, is not caring whether anyone includes you or not. And when you don't care, the energy/dynamic can subtly change.
Best wishes, Alison
Hi Mouse, Maybe they are envious of your beauty. I had to put up with not nice people gossiping and talking about me behind my back for years in an office job, some of it was unwanted interest in my sexuality as they were gay (not all people are like that obviously). It says more about them than it does about you. I just mainly let it go. I think if it bothers you so much then try to be friendlier and see how they react, maybe they think that you are being aloof? (whether you are or not, some things can be perceived when not actually true). Some people just try to feel good about themselves by putting down others because they are so insecure and your confidence may annoy them. Lots of people have lots of issues. Maybe just hand one of the nicer people who go to the lunches a note saying that you are just wondering if there was a reason that you aren't invited to the social gatherings and should you be offended or have you annoyed someone somehow without knowing and see what they say back.
Paul - (probably not help at all 🙂
Hello,
Yes, people might think I'm aloof. Actually, it is more shyness and a lack of confidence about being myself. And this comes, in part, from knowing that I don't fit in (the phrase vicious circle comes to mind). I often find I have nothing in common with anyone at work - my interests, opinions etc. seem to be on a different wavelength - and because I cannot pretend to be someone I'm not I get left out and ignored. I am trying to be friendlier though, and it shouldn't kill people to be a bit civil in return. I'm always happy to chat with anyone and to support people if they have problems but I guess I don't approach them as feel I'll be rejected. Experience is showing me that being a nice genuine person in the workplace means that you will be treated with a lack of respect which will be expressed in many ways...
Hello Mouse,
Yes, I have had this experience - not at work, but in the remote community where I made my home many years ago. We had nearest neighbours who had parties where the entire community was invited - except us!
At the time, I was very upset. With the benefit of hindisght, I can see that we were, as Jnani has so beautifully phrased it, 'vibrating' differently. Our neighbours had middle class values and we didn't. The drew all the other people with middle class values, plus those that they could control, around them - but they couldn't get the measure of us and we were excluded.
The challenge of feeling an outsider is something that I still feel quite acutely, but I'm very pleased that I haven't passed it on to my children who get on easily and well with everyone. As I have encouraged them to do.
If I was to give advice to my younger self, it would be to get used to it - stop fighting it. Accept it. Make it my strength. I'd be lying if I said this was easy, because I'm still bothered by it/working on it, but it's probably the quickest way to the other side - which, at least for me, is not caring whether anyone includes you or not. And when you don't care, the energy/dynamic can subtly change.
Best wishes, Alison
Hello Alison,
Blimey, that's a bit rough! (the parties I mean). Yes, not caring is ultimately the way isn't it? It's just difficult to do. Thank you for an insightful post 🙂
Hi Mouse
Big hugs to you, this feels hard day in day out. I experienced something similar in my last job. xxxx
Last night I watch the Tom McElroy video clip which Principled recommended (Loved it Judy, thank you!). I wondered if this may help with the perspective of the situation? I especially liked the story that Tom told about a teenager who had been told and treated all his life as 'junk' and so this is what he believed he was. And how Tom explained what his real core was, rather than the identities he'd picked up from others behaviours. Sorry, I've not explained it as eloquently as Tom McElroy!! xxxxx
Hi Mouse
Big hugs to you, this feels hard day in day out. I experienced something similar in my last job. xxxx
Last night I watch the Tom McElroy video clip which Principled recommended (Loved it Judy, thank you!). I wondered if this may help with the perspective of the situation? I especially liked the story that Tom told about a teenager who had been told and treated all his life as 'junk' and so this is what he believed he was. And how Tom explained what his real core was, rather than the identities he'd picked up from others behaviours. Sorry, I've not explained it as eloquently as Tom McElroy!! xxxxx
Hmmmm, thanks Vanessa, I will have a look at that video. Kind of registered the post and meant to get round to looking at it, you have reminded me. Hope you are in a better place now job wise 🙂
Much better in my current job, thank you Mouse.
I realised that although certain behaviours were occurring, I was also seeking them as confirmation as what I knew was right (or my mind said was right). The 'see, they're doing blar blar blar again, so they are leaving me our, rejecting me'. It became as you mentioned, a vicious circle. I became a very good detective, seeking what I thought was evidence! Jumping on the slightest thing. I made myself very miserable.
Thankfully we all got made redundant! Not the best solution, but helped to start breaking a perceptual habit. It is hard, but your are very resourceful and insightful xxx
Ok, well you sound personable online so maybe it isn't you and is more about them. Maybe you could say Hello, How are you? to people in the lunchroom/kitchen if there is one and break the ice. Also, try to work on your self confidence outside of work. Find a group outside of work that do share your interests and meet people who are nicer to you as you deserve and it might not annoy you as much when you're at work. Otherwise emotional detachment and just don't care will probably work to make sure you don't stress out over it too much, it is a shame that it is happening but your health and keeping a wage going is what mainly matters at work. I hope it all works out for you. Sorry I can't be more help.
Hello Alison,
Blimey, that's a bit rough! (the parties I mean). Yes, not caring is ultimately the way isn't it? It's just difficult to do. Thank you for an insightful post 🙂
My hold on life got quite weak at the time - could totally understand why people who feel excluded (Thomas Hamilton, Dunblane) can feel driven to violent acts of revenge.
At the time, my goal for my children was to teach them the values of community and contribution...
Alison