I have just been reading the Addictions forum and something Masha wrote jumped out at me, the words "the unmet need for human connection".
The issue of my own need for human connection has been something I have been trying to work on for 7 years now or to be more honest and precise I have been working on how to be happy, fulfilled etc when there is no human connection in my life and the powerless feelings that brings up for me as I feel there is nothing I can do about it.
Twenty years ago I read a book about a bloke who was literally starving in the gutter but became a millionaire, and ten or so years ago I read a book about another bloke who had a doctorate from university but 12 years previous could not read or write his own name, these things illustrate that with enough determination we can make the most truely amazing things happen but how do we make someone love us, how do we draw the kind of people to us that make us feel connected?
Everyone I know descibes me as a warm, kind and intuitive person who they enjoy being around but I don't feel a connection with anyone hence I spend my entire life feeling lonely and I realised a year ago that that is where all my problems stem from, my total inability to quit smoking (fags are my comfort) and my feelings of lethargy and disinterest in, well anything really.
If it's our path in this lifetime not to attract people we feel a connection with then how do we cope? I never felt I belonged to my family even from a very early age when I had nothing to compare the abuse, violence and dysfunction all around me to I knew I did not belong to them and that I was only 'placed' with them in order to learn what I know now, I have always attracted friends who make it abundantly clear that they expect me to go that extra mile as a friend but if I need them to go that extra mile they won't at which point I make my feelings clear and the friendship ends.
I have reached the stage where I am fed up of taking my issues into supervision (I am a counsellor) to my Shamanic healing lady and others, I already know that there is no help outside myself so I wonder what do I expect these people to do, why do I spend the money?
I want to find a way to make this ok to accept that this is my life, surrender to it and stop struggling against it but it's so hard I have nothing at all in common with a single person in my life and long for conversation and maybe a bit of intelligent debate, I long to feel part of something, I've recently qualified as an EFT practitioner and have tapped until my meridian points are sore lol and although I would be lying if I said I don't feel better I still feel a sense of self pity and injustice kind of asking myself how nice/good/kind/funny etc does a person need to be before we are deemed worthy of a human connection. I know this is the root of my present apathy and I'm willing to do the work on myself but just don't know how, I sat on the window seat on Millenium eve watching the rain and remember thinking that surely friends, love and a connection with someone should come into my life soon, I had spent 30 years entirely alone by that point, that was 11 years ago and it's not happened and although I don't feel anything even remotely like suicidle I wonder how long I can go on like this for.
Can anyone relate and if so how did you find a way of just accepting it?
Love
Rebecca x
I can relate in a way to what you're feeling. I find it difficult to find people that are on the same wavelength as me, who share my beliefs and that I can talk with at any depth or length. Consequently I find myself alone and lonely a lot of the time. I do have a best friend who is also my ex-partner. But apart from her, friends are very scarce on the ground, maybe 2 other people I can talk to, but I rarely get the opportunity to do so. I'm not very close to my family after some issues of their acceptance of me.
I am trying to accept that being alone might be the way my life is supposed to be, so I am trying to ensure I feel happy in my own skin. But I always think that as long as I am happy within myself I am more likely to make connections with people, as long as I put myself out there to be able to make connections. Whatever happens, I have a purpose and I am worthy of being loved. It's important to stay positive and loving of yourself.
Lisa x
One of the reasons we come here is to experience a sense of separateness, separateness is impossible within the oneness, but we draw a veil over our sense of the oneness when we come here so we can be alone with our own thoughts.
It is also often hard to establish who and what we are, when we are embroiled with lots of other people and integrating within their realities.
You are right, you are the person who needs to sort out the equation of who and what you are, you need to find your own direction and focus, then from within that focus you will find self acceptance, from self acceptance you will then be able to expand from a solid core to accept others into your reality.
Unfortunately as you know, like attracts like, if you are attracting people who are going through the same situation as yourself towards you, then what is the possibility of two of you coming together, to be able to share a path non-judgmentally without fear of rejection?
Hello Lisa, Thank you for your post, I am sorry about your family it is very hard for me to understand that such things still go on these days, you are right when you say it's important to stay positive and love ourselves but it feels very topsy turvy a lot of the time, my goal this last 7 years has to been to learn to love and accept myself while at the same time it feels like the universe is sending out a huge signal that I am not loveable, worth being around etc. I know that my being psychic does not help it often means I will not try to get to know people because I already have their number within seconds, I used to think I was simply being judgemental and beat myself up for it but I now know that's not the case.
Hi Paul,
Thank you for replying I do understand what you mean, I am just feeling sorry for myself because the things you say only apply to some people, I know and have known so many people for whom oneness and seperateness never enter their orbit they don't have to work or themselves or do X, Y & Z to be loved and feel a connection with others.
Love to you both.
Rebecca xx
Hi Rebecca
You are still looking outward for the answers which lie within you, the universe will give you what your thoughts are saying you want to experience.
By evaluating your personal reality on what you perceive other people are doing with theirs will not help you to find inner peace and harmony.
Every time you think that your life is not as good as theirs, this thought energy paints a picture which the oneness receives as something you want to experience, so they help you to manifest that in your reality.
To stop that from happening you need to stop looking outward and start looking inward and making some positive statements about what you want to experience which will make you happy.
Only you can decide that you are worthy, only you can decide if you are good enough to be loved and appreciated, firstly by yourself and then later on by others.
This all starts and finishes within yourself, only you can make the necessary changes in the way you think and behave, which will allow you to become content and fully happy with yourself, within this reality which the universe is helping you to create for yourself.
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Rebecca, I will send you an email, I have been working on these very same issues for a little while now.
x
Hi Paul, loved your post and I know you are right, you have given me a great deal to ponder on so thank you muchly for taking the time.
Love to you both
Rebecca
Thank you Rosi I will look forward to receiving it, I always look forward to your emails.
Love
Rebecca XX
Hi Rebecca - my apologies - I will delete my post and refrain from replying again.
chris
Sometimes you just accept the loneliness as a fact of life. The Internet is the worst place to find friends as they are fleeting and it is much too easy to become "defriended". You want confusion? Be defriended for no apparent reason...
http://www.cnn.com/2009/TECH/science/10/30/online.rejection.defriending/index.html
:confused:
Hi Scott, I am sorry you are experiencing problems with your online friends, to be honest I wrote that thread late the other night when I was feeling quite sorry for myself and the late hour has meant I have not expessed what I really wanted to get at which is; why does it have to be that some of us have to 'process' 'heal' 'grow' and reach for X, Y & Z in order to attract people to us while some people including some pretty horrid ones sail through life taking things like love, compansionship, friendship etc for granted? Rant over! lol
Love
Rebecca x
Hi Scott, I am sorry you are experiencing problems with your online friends, to be honest I wrote that thread late the other night when I was feeling quite sorry for myself and the late hour has meant I have not expessed what I really wanted to get at which is; why does it have to be that some of us have to 'process' 'heal' 'grow' and reach for X, Y & Z in order to attract people to us while some people including some pretty horrid ones sail through life taking things like love, compansionship, friendship etc for granted? Rant over! lol
Love
Rebecca x
I dunno, maybe because the horrid ones burn like fires that attract moths which need that light, but burn up in the heat?