My wife and I are in our 50's she has decided that she no longer wants sex or any love making. I love her and have never been unfaithful and have no intention of leaving but do I have to stay celibate for the rest of my life as well. :confused:
hi jamsie
your wife has been clear in expressing her needs, when she let you know this decision of hers, did you express getting your needs for intimacy met?
Have you been able to discuss with her the possibilty that another woman may be coming into the picture because of her decision?
From your post, it seems that fidelity has been a value of yours for many years.How would you feel if you went against this value?
I wonder what has prompted this decision from your wife, and if she would benefit from exploring it with eg a female EFT practitioner, to address any blocks/feeling she is unattractive etc.
It sounds like you do not wish to be celibate..but no-one here can tell you one way or the other.
I wonder if you booked a session with eg a male EFT practitioner, like Giles, who is on HP, it might remove any blocks in you that have manifested this life challenge
wishing you well
tigress
Hi jamsie,
That was quite a statement, made by your wife...............Have you tried romance ?...... candlelit meals for two,........ a walk on the beach.......just to sit and look at the stars, and just... chat.......
As we get older, we tend to take each other for granted. Sometimes we need to re-introduce that ' Magic ' back into our relationships.
just a thought
Oakapple xx
Hi Jamsie and a very warm welcome to HP, :wave:
Just a message to let you know that i have moved your post over to 'men's health' due to the nature of your query.:)
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Warmest wishes- calla lily x
Hiya Jamsie
welcome to Health pages. 🙂
Your wife has hit quite a blow there hasn't she, has she given you any speicific reason, or has she given any clues in her behaviour in other ways.
as Oakapple said, a little bit of romance could go a long way, let her feel woo'd and desireable again.
Do any of you have any health problems that could be contributing?
You might want to look in womens health section and look for any of the menopausal threads, to see if anything applies to your lady.
Hi Jamsie & welcome to HealthyPages, you mentioned that you'er both in your 50's so I assume you wife is post menopausal, when women reach this stage in their life their libido can go due to the lack of estrogen produced and the 'baby making' hormones arn't there kick start much passion, many women over come this by using HRT or natural hormone replacements, it's worth talking to your wife about your needs and tell her how much you need and would miss the intimate side of your marraige so she can seek some advise from her GP
Good luck
Love
Amy
xxx
Hi Jamsie,
You make it sound as if this was a sudden decision, but is that right? Was it something that has been a problem for a while? Did you see it coming?
Do you think this is a final decision, or possibly something that reflected a temporary mood?
And the obvious question (that everyone seems to have ignored!) is: did she previously enjoy sex? Clearly, it would make a difference if, for example, she had never enjoyed it - or, indeed, if she has recently gone off it.
And have you discussed it with her, putting to her the option that you might need to find sex elsewhere? If so, what was her reaction?
I don't think it's unreasonable to expect a sex life when you are still in your 50s (seems quite youthful to me - these days!). Refusal to enjoy it with you sounds like a declaration of something deeper.
Could be due to number of things. maybe she got bored of it( same routine?) medical problem( dry inside therefore sore) sex drive v low maybe depressed?
try romancing like taking her out for meal, buy her flowers etc?
Tell her straight that you still love her like the intimacy and sex?
otherwise have to go solo and dont go for other ladies however much you are tempted as your wife will be hurt if she finds out.believe me the need subsides after a while.
hope it get sorted it out.
Amethystfairy
Definitely sounds like there is some sort of issue that needs dealing with. I would want to know why she has taken this decision. Sex is an important part of a healthy marriage. Good luck.
My wife and I are in our 50's she has decided that she no longer wants sex or any love making. I love her and have never been unfaithful and have no intention of leaving but do I have to stay celibate for the rest of my life as well. :confused:
Yes of course some people say that sex is an important part of marriage.
But IMO one of the most important parts of marriage is touch: That involves caressing and reassuring with words, looks, touch and understanding.
Sex is not only about intercourse or personal gratification. IMO it is more about the romance and the foreplay. I would recommend talking this through with your wife bearing in mind Amelia Janes post about the menopause. But always remember that love and understanding is a two-way thing.
As for do you have to stay celibate for the rest of your life as well. IMO if that is what it takes then yes you do.
Hi Jamsie!
The answer to your question is 'No'. Sex is a fundamental human need and one which you have every right to expect to be fulfilled.
Your wife does not appear to have given you an explanation as to why she no longer wants to make love. Has she said that she no longer wants a sex life per se or just not with you? Is she punishing you for something? Is she sympathetic to the dilemma she has left you with and the possible consequences? It sounds as though she feels she has stated her intention and expects you to just accept her decision.
You really do need to get some answers Jamsie. Whilst sex doesn't make a good marriage, a good sex life is an indicator of a healthy marriage.
=catmcd;415328]Hi Jamsie!
The answer to your question is 'No'. Sex is a fundamental human need and one which you have every right to expect to be fulfilled.
IMO the words "every right to expect to be fulfilled" can be very dangerous. I have heard those words in a rape case I was involved in.
Good point Healistic. Perhaps adding 'within a loving marriage/relationship' would have conveyed my meaning more clearly.
Have to say sex is important yes but can go without it I mean what about people who have never had sex eh?
myself not for years and the need went after about two years and am ok now just do other things like gardening shopping seeing friends. I am not going to have sex just because i havent had any for years! i have sort of given up on men as they expect sex early on like first or second date and i just drop them and i think some regret it tough i need to be romanced and treated with respect and then maybe sex come later on like one year after knowing eachother well.in marriage vows love each other for better for worse remember!
I got fed up with sex in later years of my marriage as it was samey, also the romance had gone and felt he was using me for gratification,he was selfish expected to be pleased but doesnt matter about me!! and I also had medication which made my go off it but my ex didnt understand it and would moan if he didnt get any ( you dont love me)that made it worse made me rebel and refuse him somtimes and then he went off with another lady! now he is with her still and married but she is not looking after him properly( health got worse etc long story)
this is how i feel so that you understand what some ladies feel.this is not a a personal attack at all.
Hope you get it sorted out anyway.
love and light,
Amethystfairy:)
Have to say sex is important yes but can go without it I mean what about people who have never had sex eh?
People can go without air, food and water - for a while. But sooner or later deprivation will have severe consequences...
Humans are relational beings: contact with others in mind, body and spirit is a fundamental need. Someone marooned alone on a desert island may physically survive, but eventually goes mad - literally.
So touch, sex and relationship are as important as air, food and water for the whole being. If you take a truly holistic view, how could it be otherwise? If you cut one part out of your life, in the matrix that is you something somewhere shrivels and dies. You may be able to cope with it, but it's no way to live.