My boyfriend works away from home, I'm very lonely at night. He works away from Monday Morning until Friday night and I can'r bear it. To keep the lifestyle we've got ( 30 something, no kids and a great weekend, holidays and a beautiful house etc)
Most weeknights are spent by myself - I try to keep myself busy, gym, friends etc, but this only lasts until about 10pm (friends with kids having to put them to bed, gym being shut et) And then I'm all alone.
I've found that drinking helps, I can't get to sleep otherwise. I'm not meant to be alone, i'm a sociable creature you know? ( I'm a Libra lol) Our Home has been burgled a few times and i sometimes don't feel safe here. There's probably no way that someone could break in. But you hear such awful stories don't you? I've found that the best way to cope is to get blinding drunk have a quarter bottle of gin orvodka - or couple of bottles of wine - and then I'm so passed out that even if someone broke into my house I wouldn't notice. Horrible isn't it? Sad even,
I find that if I get drunk, I won't be in any state to notice if anything happens. If it does, then fair enough i'll deal with it. But every night it feels that it's the only way to cope. I can't possibly ask the boyf to quit. His job takes him where the work is.Ironically it's in my hometown 200 miles away. I need some way to cope with being alone at night. I'm just so lonely.
Sorry for being so needy. Can anyone help. Please?!!
Web xx
RE: Lonliness
hello web
I am answering the post so you know someone has read it.
Would you consider having a dog or two to live with you?
That would bring a feeling of companionship as well as having someone on guard as you sleep..tho chihuaha might not be the best breed to pick if you want it to do double duties.
tigress
RE: Loneliness
I empathise [sm=hidesbehindsofa.gif]
I had to go on a course for work leaving hubby and two kids for a week, the first time I had been alone ever, thinking I would enjoy the solitude and I hated it. Every night I locked myself in my hotel room with my whisky and put a chair behind the door, I was in a big city having come from the country - too scary....
Does your boyfriend know about this? If the roles were reversed and he was doing this what would you say to him? If you were my daughter/son I would say move home - home being the operative word - a house is bricks and mortar - you should be comfortable in life and this means enjoying life having family and friends for support.Discuss it with your boyfriend to see what is keeping you where you are just now and see if you can up sticks...maybe he is fed up commuting and only doing it to keep you happy?
Home is where the heart is as they say. [sm=food-smiley-004.gif]
RE: Loneliness
I feel the same but my bf is here- its a long story but realtionship is rocky and we are finding the time apart is better - he always has something to do as he drives but with my new venture and no being able to drive i find myself at home twiddling my thumbs alot.
Drinking is not the answer im sure you know this? Maybe take up another hobbie?
My emailaddy is on my profile if you want to talk more?xx
RE: Loneliness
Thanks everyone, It's so great to know that there really are people who care.
I considered getting a dog, but my cats would torment it, and possibly try to eat it!!! Lol!!
I will discusshow I'm feelingwith my boyfriend, I'm sure he wouldn't want me to feel like this. We have talked before but unfortunately he has to go where the work is.I have consideredliving where he's working, but then where the work is could change and I'd be on the move again you know? AlsoI don't really want to move home, as I absolutely adore where I live, we've got great neighbours, it's just lovely.
I'd also like to add that I'm not drinking every night - good Lord that would be unbearable - only when I'm feeling most vulnerable. I think that really I need to learn to relax, every time I've been burgled it's been daytime, my house has more security than alcatraz (it does!!!) I think it's more the need to get the ideas out of my head that I'm in danger.
It's funny, but I'm actually quite happy with my own company, just not at bedtime. When It's dark, and everything is really quiet and you know that everyone else is in bed, and if anything happened to you, you know it would take a while for anyone to get to you.
RE: Loneliness
Hi Webstercat,
Please don't think that you are the only one who has this problem. It's quite normal to feel the way you are feeling at the minute. I can't bear to be away from my husband......sad i know!!!
He had to go to Europe on business last week and i had to have my little sister come and stay with me becasue i hate to be alone at night. I am comfortable with my own comapny, but only in short burst. I'm much happier when he is around.
Hope you are feeling better soon
[sm=grouphug.gif]
Take care
Kate
xxxxx
RE: Loneliness
Hi there and welcome to HP. 🙂
It seems to me that there are two solutions -
1) You move home to where boyfriend is working OR
2) Boyfriend changes job so he's at home with you.
Either way you need to get off the slippery slope of drinking to make you feel better honey. [sm=hug.gif]
RE: Lonliness
I have no wise words, I'm afraid.
But I do have a heart felt[sm=hug.gif] for you.
Lots of love,
Nicky
x
RE: Lonliness
Hi,
sorry to hear about your worries. i think that one of the difficulties that you face is that you have no idea how long this status quo will last.
At the very least you should talk it over with your partner, and talk about the medium term, plus what options you have.
In the meantime, find ways of diverting your mind from it, hobbies, excercise, whatever you can find.
Good luck
KB
RE: Lonliness
You know, It's made me feel better just being able to say that i'm having these worries without feeling like some kind of sad loser. I appreciate every single reply and will take (or at least try to take lol) the advice you've all given me.
I'll keep you informed of how it's all going.
Thanks again for taking the time to reply, i'm eternally grateful for your kindness.
Webs xxx
RE: Lonliness
i have only just seen your post and i must say i can SO identify with how you are feeling
i was in the same situation a few years back where the guy i was seeing was out on the road 5 days out of 7!
i felt so so very lonely and cried myself to sleep mostly every nite
he was a trucker and on the odd occassion he did take me with him but we found this didnt work out too well as i was really needed at "home" to feed his cats!
ok if he was trunking from birmingham to felixstowe as he could drop me off close to home but if he was tramping from one town to another he just couldnt get home (so cats got hungry!... no i got a friend to see to them luckily)
i dont really know the answer to your predicament as unfortunatley i was too insecure at the time and needed to be with my man so we split up over it (we have since reignighted our relationship however:))
all i can suggest is if you are missing a body next to you as you sleep (which was the main problem for me as i knew i was always in his thoughts) then invest in a great big cuddly toy as a subtitute! (i still do this if im feeling lonely.... tho now my little one has a tendency to "borrow" it!:D)
sorry i cannot be of much help but i do feel for you
[sm=1kis.gif][sm=grouphug.gif][sm=grouphug.gif]
lots of love
livvy
RE: Lonliness
Homeopathic Pulsatilla may help.
RE: Lonliness
Hi,
I just wanted to add since I have been in a similar situation and got very low before we were forced to change our lifestyle and was full of "can not's":
Your partner can change jobs
You can move house
You can manage on less money
You would be happier if you made changes.
Change is scary, but you are unhappy, speak to your partner and make the steps towards changing your life.
Good Luck
SaffronXX
RE: Lonliness
Thank you for all your replies, have decided to accept things the way they are, and to make fuller use of my time alone. By spending more time at the gym and other stuff, and using time to see friends and family. feeling a bit more tired and a little less "wired" in the evenings as a result i think. By not spending so much time "doing nothing" it appears to be helping. i'm not drinking at all in the evenings in a bid to get healthy. Can only be good huh?
Thanks again, you people are so caring - you're all fab
If i can do anything in the future to help any of you, please let me know xxxxx
Webs xxxx
RE: Lonliness
Webs, I'm really glad to hear that you're taking charge of this and moving forward.
Good luck
KB