Hi .
I really appreciate it if you can advise me on this dilemma. I have a 17 years old daughter. She is a straight A student and she got accepted with scholarship to university. She has no boyfriend and she is a good kid. For her prom night, they rented a limo to go around the city and we are fine with that but now she wants to rent a hotel room for after prom party with 4 other girls. One of the girls has a boy friend and I know she is sexually active and the other one used pots and weeds before. I know for sure that my daughter has not experimented with drugs yet but god knows what will happen when you put 4 teen girls in a hotel room after prom. She says: "we do something after prom, either party or hotel". I suggested to invite her friends over for all nighters but she said no. Am I being overprotective to say no? Is it safe to let her go with her friends since she has been a good girl so far? She already thinks that I am old fashioned and over protective but I would do whatever it takes to keep her safe. Please HELP.
She is underage, so no, she may not go to a hotel overnight! You could call her bluff and say yes, but only if you go too as chaperone!
You are doing the right thing by being 'the parent'. Stand your ground. Yes, she may sulk, and throw her toys out of her cot for a few weeks, but I think you know there would not be a happy outcome to the present 'arrangement'.
What she does from age 18, at university, is entirely up to her. Are you in the UK?
Saralee,
When I was 17 I came to England from abroad on my own (I had relatives but very little contact with them) Stayed in a hostel to start with and then as soon as I had a job, got a bedsit in London. You say your daughter is a good kid and she's obviously intelligent, so I would talk it through with her. Treat her as an adult, as a friend, not a child, respect her intelligence and understanding of what is right and what is wrong.
I understand your protectiveness, but the more you try to clip her wings, the more she will rebel and try to get free. Can't you reason with her and reach a compromise over this? Try to get her to understand why you are concerned - basically, because you love her and only want the best for her.
She sounds like a good and wise kid. You can't keep her at home forever, you need to give her the tools to make the right decisions. And it sounds like you already did. So i don't think you have a reason to worry.
As many have said before, it sounds like a smart girl, so I'm sure she'll make in informed decision, but I'm sure it would help to discuss it through; be honest and tell her your concerns.
I've been in that position, I know it's hard but it's the best way to feel safe and secure about what your daughter is doing. Good luck!
I think that if you have a smart kid (and you sound like you do) you should give her more freedom. When children have freedom they actually think what they do or don't wanna do. When parents don't allow them to do stuff they become rebelious and start doing things the parents won't let them but this time they just do it, without thinking...
You know your daughter best. If you think that she isn't strong enough then don't let her go.